The Party’s Over: Spinach is Coming Back

That’s right, you heard me. You’re not leaving the table until you finish your spinach.

Health officials are advising consumers that they should feel secure in buying spinach if they can confirm it was not grown in San Benito, Monterey or Santa Clara counties. An E. coli outbreak linked to spinach is thought to be receding, and children all over the country are crying softly into their pillows.

Growers have been working for several days to figure out a way to return the product to store shelves so that consumers can discern where it was grown and packaged.

“Over the weekend, the industry shared a very preliminary draft proposal,” A spokesperson said. “We are in conversations with the industry and the FDA regarding feedback on the ideas.”

In case you were wondering, that’s corporate speak for, “We have no fucking idea what we’re going to do. We have a conference room and a bunch of people and we’re going to argue about it, but… Let’s face it–we haven’t got a clue.”