Weekend Project: Sign Up For Do-Not-Call List

Wave after wave of telemarketers assault your household like it was a Normandy beachhead. Bleary-eyed, you tell your coke-bottle glassed, coupon-clipping, twine-saving friend over a cup of coffee at Denny’s. He intones nasally, “You know, you could sign up for the Federal Do-Not-Call List. That way, scrupulous telemarketers won’t call you. And if any unscrupulous ones do, you have the basis for making an official complaint to the FCC.”

You rush over to DoNotCall.gov or call 1-888-382-1222 and eagerly punch in your digits. Sigh. Relief.

Days or even moments later, the calls haven’t ceased. Checking back over the website, you find there’s a 30-day grace period after registering where it’s not illegal for them to keep calling you.

Subsequently, you’re found hanging from a rafter with a telephone cord etching a distinctive groove in your neck.

Avoid this tragic series of events and register your number this weekend. It takes two seconds, and is considerably cheaper than buying a new phone cord.


Edit Your Comment

  1. bambino says:

    Also, once you get on the list, you have to remember not to give your number out at any checkouts that ask for it, like Express, Best Buy, etc. If you do, you take yourself off the list.

  2. winnabago says:

    And while you’re at it, I’ve found that you can put a stop (quickly, too) to credit card, student loan, and mortgage offers by mail by stopping at the credit bureaus’ site: http://www.optoutprescreen.com -or , if you are like me and would rather not give out my SSN on the interweb, use their hotline. 1-888-567-8688. It would make a great weekend story, too!

  3. AcilletaM says:

    Winnbago is right. http://www.optoutprescreen.com cuts the junk mail down enough to save 2 trees.

  4. Smoking Pope says:

    Bah. Don’t look as telemarketers calling as a hassle. Look at it as an opportunity to really mess with someone’s head:

    TM: Hello, may I speak to the head of the house?

    Me: This is.

    TM: Hi sir, my name is Robert, and I’m calling on behalf of…

    Me: What are you wearing?

    TM: Excuse me?

    Me: (heavy breathing)

    TM: Hello?

    Me: I’m sorry, this is Karl Rove, right? You know, from 1-900-BUTT-SEX?

    TM: WHAT?

    Me: OH MY GOD! Please hold… (mute)

    Me: (1 minute later) White House damage control. SIR! May I have your social security number and address?

    …and on, and on, and on. Endless fun. Why would anyone want to stop that?

  5. Gari N. Corp says:

    Apologies for this troll-like contribution, but it’s always nagged me. About two weeks after putting my name on the Do Not Call register, I started getting weird calls from an outfit called Western Publishing which was “selling stickers for an anti-drunk-driving campaign” I know that charities, and I think political campaigns, had carve-outs, but couldn’t help but think that the shysters that the upstate sheriff’s department has hired to do this, knowing they were exempt, were using the do-not-call list to find leads.

  6. Keira says:

    Don’t be absurd: A phone cord that could withstand the weight of a human dropped from some feet would not need to be replaced.

    All that would be required would be asking the coroner to show some care in removing the garotte, by using his scalpel to cut away the useless flesh, instead of the still servicable cord.

    No doubt the thrifty souls at Treehugger wouldn’t have been so quick to squander such a resource.

  7. Smoking Pope says: