Wave after wave of telemarketers assault your household like it was a Normandy beachhead. Bleary-eyed, you tell your coke-bottle glassed, coupon-clipping, twine-saving friend over a cup of coffee at Denny’s. He intones nasally, “You know, you could sign up for the Federal Do-Not-Call List. That way, scrupulous telemarketers won’t call you. And if any unscrupulous ones do, you have the basis for making an official complaint to the FCC.”

You rush over to DoNotCall.gov or call 1-888-382-1222 and eagerly punch in your digits. Sigh. Relief.

Days or even moments later, the calls haven’t ceased. Checking back over the website, you find there’s a 30-day grace period after registering where it’s not illegal for them to keep calling you.

Subsequently, you’re found hanging from a rafter with a telephone cord etching a distinctive groove in your neck.

Avoid this tragic series of events and register your number this weekend. It takes two seconds, and is considerably cheaper than buying a new phone cord.

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