Dumb Little Man’s got some great tips for decorum and modesty with public cellphone use, which we rewrite for you here.

• Nextel / Click to talk users: When you are in public, open the phone to talk. You’re not a trucker or a line jumper, just a crackhead walking down the street with your hoopty pants around your knees. BLOOP! bwawawwa, BLOOP! Kill me.

• Texting: don’t stand in the middle of doorways or hallways punching the keys. Pull over to the side. Not chewing bubble gum may help for those with multitask locomotion issues.

• It’s okay if a call goes to voicemail. Rampaging through your purse is not necessary. And if it is, consider putting the phone in a more accessible location next time.

• Just because the other caller is physically far away doesn’t mean you need to shout. A true paradox!

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