Reader Wants A Job. We Give Him One!

In an email with the subject “b.s. economy,” reader Leo whined to us:

    I would like to know how many out there spent years and money (borrowed many that is) trying to do what we were all told to do, but after all the schooling and money, there is not enough employment to pay back the money. Individuals that are slowly becoming criminals by virtue of lender laws which they have no real control over. we here mr. bush talking about how great the economy is, but the economy doesn’t seem to represent those of us who are slowly but surely being bled dry by the economics of this so called great country. where do we turn when there is no where else to go. no good jobs, no good paychecks, no way to pay bills that grow larger as each day passes.

Yeah, that 5 percent unemployment rate sure is a bitch. The government really ought to pander to our self-entitlement more. But until that happens, and since you’re looking for a lucrative job, we here at the Consumerist would like to bravely suggest that there’s good money in the smell of rotting flesh.

No, we’re not talking fast food. Hell, we’re not even talking about funeral parlors (some week, we’re just going to dedicate our entire site to taking on those bastards. Walter Sobchak had the right idea with the Folger’s Can in The Big Lebowski). We’re talking about the exciting career of crime scene clean-up!

Meet Christian Cadieux, a man who makes his living deodorizing houses fetid with the smell of decomposing corpses, vacated bowels and rank offal. The Toronto Sun takes a look at his career… a career he picked as a way for him to retire before he was 40. Scooping up maggots is making that dream a reality.

Yes, “typical scenes are rife with biohazards — blood, brains, urine.” Sure, Cadieux has “spent several hours “chiselling” feces out of a toilet that hadn’t been flushed in years.”

But hey, the money’s right. Food for thought, Leo!

And You Thought Your Job Stunk [Toronto Sun]


Edit Your Comment

  1. homerjay says:

    Where in the world do you people get your photos? Some of these images are waaaaacky.

  2. Slack says:

    b.s. EE

    Grad in ’89, been full time employee of small and large companies ever since. Never laid off.

    I was ‘doing what we were all told to do’ (despite my wanting to be a rock star) and it worked out nicely.

    So if President Kerry was up there telling me what great economy we have, ‘Damn straight’ I’d think to myself.

  3. Pelagius says:

    If the spelling and grammar in Leo’s post is any indication of what Leo’s resumés and cover letters look like, then I have no trouble believing he has trouble finding “so-called” meaningful employment.

    P.S. Penn and Teller tore the ass out of the funeral industry in one of their Bullshit episodes – “Death Inc.” Convincing me to be buried in a pine box in my backyard.

  4. Quite so, Pelagius. I winced at the thought of what Leo was sending his prospective employers.

    The letter reminds me a bit of one of my favorite exchanges in literature:

    “It’s a moral imperative, universally conceded in our day and age, that every man is entitled to a job.”

    “Collect your job. Pick it off the bush where you think it grows.”

  5. AcilletaM says:

    B.S. CE in 1996, been gainfully employed since. Only laid off once for 5 weeks and it was only that long to take advantage of my severance. I’m not a superstar employee, not smart enough to work at Google, but I’ll do my job and get my tasks done without much hassle.

    I’m curious as to what his degree is in and what jobs he thinks he should be getting.

  6. Vinny says:

    I always wonder how idiots like this got out of college.

  7. Ishmael says:

    B.S. I’ve only got a high school diploma, but I’m pulling down a fairly good amount of money, and I don’t have student loans to pay off. I work for a large insurance company and have been working my way up the payscale since I was 18. With some carful savings, my 401(k), and my pension, I should be able to retire in my early 40s.

  8. AcilletaM, I’m going to go out on a limb here and predict that Leo is…

    A.A. Liberal Arts, 2006. Preferred career is probably Superhero or perhaps Chief of Slurpee Flavor Research.

    Deputy Director of Product Testing for Keebler’s Fudge Cookie Division?

  9. AcilletaM says:

    Danilo, that’s what I was thinking.

    I heard this story on the radio a while back and this conversation reminded my of it. Gen Y is starting to graduate from college and life is harder without the parents planning it for you .

    And if anybody has a lead on how to become Deputy Director of Product Testing for Keebler’s Fudge Cookie Division, please share it with the rest of the class.

  10. etinterrapax says:

    I have an MA in English, and I still work when I want to, in spite of that. It would seem like an obvious handicap, wouldn’t it? But I shouldn’t have to tell college-educated individuals about dictionaries and what wonderful devices they are for making sure your writing is up to snuff when writing papers, never mind sending resumes and cover letters. Ah, well. Job security. I’ve also given seminars on how to gain admittance to a four-year college with that A.A. in liberal arts. The students I teach at two-year colleges are almost always the most determined and the hardest workers. They’re a pleasure compared to some of the four-year kids who have always had everything handed to them on a platter. I mean, I’m sorry your mom will kill you if you get a C in English, but you’re eighteen. Find a way to deal, both with your mom and with having gone to a high school that gave you A’s for bad writing.

    I say this a lot, but the cleansing only lasts so long.

  11. The_Truth says:

    “And if anybody has a lead on how to become Deputy Director of Product Testing for Keebler’s Fudge Cookie Division, please share it with the rest of the class.”

    Youll have to wrest that title from my cold dead pudgy fingers before I give up the job!

    I was going to point out, but a number of people have already beaten me to it about his spelling, punctuation etc.

    I see numerous resumes whenever we go on a recruitment drive, and I immediatly throw out the ones with bad spelling etc. Then I look into the background provided. Fair enough youve only had minor cashier experiance, but you can be creative with it.

    Oh and anyone who attempts to ride in on the coattails of the Frat they belonged to in college can forget it. Get a real job and some real responsiblities, dont try and pretend that hazing a bunch of freshmen is in any way a responsible position.

    and now back to my cookies :-)

  12. GoodEmployee says:

    Yes, well…life tends to suck for semi-literate, entitled-for-no-apparent-reason, whiny losers. Sucks to be you, dude.
    [[playing world’s smallest violin]]

  13. MrBartokomous says:

    I’m in a company that gets a veritable fuckton of applications(think
    several hundred a day), and part of my job is filing the applications
    that come in, make sure they get directed to the right departments and
    such. Anyways, my point is twofold: One, you people gotta learn to
    spell. Seriously, it’s god damned pathetic, especially considering how
    highly demanded these jobs are. Two, “responsible, reliable,
    hard-working, and dedicated” are to cover letters what “I’m a nice guy”
    is to online dating. Figure out what makes you uniquely suited to any
    given job and you might stand out a little more. Think little things,
    like a keen eye for details or strong creative writing skills. Give
    examples, but keep them brief. A ton of experience is only useful if
    it’s directly relevant to what you’re doing. The ideal hire for any
    company is going to be the guy who can do the job he’s asked, as well
    as anything else the company needs, particularly if the company doesn’t
    realise it needs it.

    And no one likes a whiny little frat boy bitch. I already have decent
    offers(nothing spectacular, but good pay with plenty of room for
    advancement) on the table that I’m holding off on until I finish my
    degree, and it’s not because it’s what others want me to do… it’s
    because it’s what I want to do. Yeah, I’m in debt. Yeah, I could be
    less in debt if I walked out and started working. But I’d rather finish
    what I start.

    In other words, Leo… Shut The Fuck Up.

  14. Elvisisdead says:

    Listen, I’ve had a cadre of managers over the years that can prove that hazing a bunch of freshmen is indeed a responsible position. How else could they have picked up those skills and maintained them well into their late 40s?

    That being said, I speak as one of the “frat boys”. Please rest assured that we feel just as great a distain for you GDIs as you feel for us. We’re just not as vocal about it because we already know we’re better than you and aren’t wasting any more time trying to prove it. Don’t worry about poor Leo. If he’s got the right letters, one of us will hire him – and make him your boss.

  15. Ben Popken says:

    Garethx1 writes:

    “I think you should invite some more people to commentate on your site. Although this guy sounds like he MAY be a moron, your comment that this guy is a moron because unemployment is fab-o at X percent, rings a bit hollow because there are many ways to crunch those numbers. My bigger problem is that almost all the comments seem to tow that line and either:
    A: make fun of the guys spelling or
    B: read “I have a degree and I have been employed for X amount of years”

    Either one is not a stirring rebuttal, nor a rousing read. I rarely spell check my emails, and I know a number of people with 4-6 year degrees who are in a number of lower class jobs because of the low demand for their type of work. (Yes, a couple decided to major in philosophy, but keg-stands screw up the brain) Few focus on the fun part of the article: the cool job. I love your site, (Maybe I should have put that first?) I only ask you to invite some people to comment who may add some differing opinions. You can always yank the access.”

  16. Ben Popken says:

    Helen writes:

    “I work in QA for a frosting/icing company. So I taste test frosting and make cakes and rosettes all day long. It is fun and it’s cool to see the new products and flavors that we come out with but you do lose your sweet tooth. I can’t remember the last time I ate cake and wasn’t at work (I know cry me a river).”

  17. GenXCub says:

    Responding to The_Truth:

    Please don’t diss someone’s spelling (which was atrocious), and then misspell a word. I know spelling Experience as ExperiAnce isn’t a big deal, but if you’re going to squash the guy’s nuts, run a spellcheck of your own post.