iBitch, or Paying For Your MacBook With $600 Worth of Five Spots

While dumping ten thousand pennies upon a counter says ‘Hobo Joe’ no matter how you look at it, it is better sometimes than walking around with a huge wad of small bills.

Go back in a time machine and ask me, minimum-wage wanna-e mall pimp with the fluffy down of a blonde mustache upon my sneering upper lip, as I strutted amongst the food court honeys waving around a fold of 95 ones with a single 50 wrapped around the side. “Coo coo ca choo,” I’d say. “Coo,” the honeys replied. That was the most ego-boosting day of my life until another mall posse beat the crap out of me for it in a men’s room stall later that day.

Since then, I have learned the extreme sensibility of carrying money around in the maximum denomination as possible. Consequently, I have side-stepped issues the like of Kristin’s, who wandered into an Apple Store and attempted to purchase a MacBook in cash, including over 120 fivers. The Apple Store employee was more than a bit miffed… although probably was not prodded along the path of pleasantry by Kristin’s persistent hints that she had gathered the fives selling pot and turning tricks.

We’re not sure it’s much of a complaint, but it’s pretty funny. As Apple lovers, we love bashing them too. Kristin’s email after the jump.


I went to the Apple store today after months and months of saving every last dollar to buy a new laptop (sorry people I owe money to…you’re next I swear!)(unless my cell dies)(THIS was a pure life necessity)(I didn’t even GO to the Nordy Anniversary sale!)

Well, I had saved all my cash income to buy this computer, which cost about the same as it would to adopt a baby girl from china, which incidentally is how I feel about the new “addition” to my family.(pics and announcements of the new bundle of joy will be sent soon) I had it all in cash, which I know in this new age of credit consumerism is a bit old fashioned, but money is money I say. And I wasn’t about to go into debt when I already owe my generous GENEROUS friends who have been there in my hour(s) of need!

So I would say $600 of it was in $5 bills, but they were all sorted and facing right (didn’t learn much in college, but THE GAP certainly provided me with some great money and laundry folding skills) and the girl helping me gave me attitude! IAnd I was being SO NICE. (really) Yah, I felt lame too, like I was counting out my babysitting money…so I said “I know, it’s a lot of 5’s, but you shoulda seen what I had to DO to earn all this cash…”haha”…”heehee”…”wink wink.”

(crickets chirping)


Me again, chuckling,nervous “yah, I mean, I faced them all and bundled them in hundreds so it would at least be less obnoxious! I learned that from my days at THE GAP! Hey! At least working here you don’t have to fold stuff, huh!”


Me again, playin’ it cool, “yah, bet nobody ever pays cash here, huh! Well, at least you’ll have change!!”

My friend who came with me sidles up to the register, seeing me sinking fast…”hey! that’s a lot of 5’s! well at least you’ll have some change, huh! Won’t need to go begging the Banana Republic people for change anymore! HAA!….heee…”

Me…”wellllll, sorry, I know, I mean, well I had to pay for this computer SOMEhow!”

Finally she looks up after cramming all 5’s into register, and says really snotty, “Yah well, you COULD HAVE gone to the bank and changed these in. My boss will kill me for having to count all this cash tonight, but Oh well! I ahd to do it, so he’ll just have to deal!”

Okay, what has happenned to our shopping society? I was SPENDING $1,800 dollars in this store! AND I was being apologetic and nice to a salesgirl for paying her MY hard earned cash?! And she was being snotty to me? This isn’t FRANCE. I am the customer. And therefore my ass should be kissed! PLUS I also just saved them the percentage they woulda paid in credit card fees! What is wrong with America?

But she knew. oh did she know. This was the Apple store. she had something I desperately wanted. And she KNEW I would put up with anything to get it. Like when your crack dealer makes you strip or give him a BJ for the stash (I just see this on TV, I don’t really KNOW) This girl knew she had me at ibook. And you know what’s sad? I was relieved when the transaction was finished and she let me have my goods. I was still kissing HER ass on the way out. “bye! thanks! sorrrryyy for all the crazy cash! I’ll pay credit next time! haa haa! hee!” Just in case I needed to come back for a carrying case or an ethernet. And FYI…I will be paying in $1 bills next time (AFTER I pay back my good generous friends…)


Edit Your Comment

  1. julian says:

    Hmm, perhaps I should pay for the (next-gen) nano I was thinking of getting with 340 or so 50p coins..

  2. Jesse in Japan says:

    I always ask them if they will accept gold bullion. If they say no, I quip, “Oh, I see how it is, you guys want platinum.”

  3. Falconfire says:

    Well there is a good reason to be wary of that kind of stuff. While countfiting 100’s 50’s and 20’s has gone down a lot, counterfitting 5’s and 1’s is still very prevalant. For one thing, people dont really notice small bill counterfit because they are trained to look out for the big stuff. Second they have not been redone yet so they are still very easy TO counterfit.

  4. John Stracke says:

    Uh…$5 bills *have* been redone, Falconfire. I’m looking at a five and a twenty right here, and they both have the oversized portrait and the magnetic strip.

  5. Kornkob says:

    New $5 US bill

    On anotehr note: Julian, before you break your back hauling 35,000 pennies to the store, strictly speaking the only place that HAS to take your pennies as legal tender is the US Treasury. Everyone else can tell you to bring your cash in ‘reasonable’ volumes.

    There are costs associated with transport and storage of cash too, especially large volumes of coins.

  6. Papercutninja says:

    It just sounds like an attitude-y sales associate to me. Anybody with any sense of humour would’ve played along.

  7. konstantConsumer says:

    it would have totally been a pain in the ass counting all that cash, but you don’t have to be an ass about it. it wouldn’t have made counting the money any harder by being nice to the girl.

  8. Vinny says:

    What’s a pain in the ass about it? Count them in lumps of 20 and stack ’em. If you have beyond a 3rd grade education, that should take all of 60 seconds (remember, we’re only talking about $600 here. That’s 120 $5 bills for God’s sake).

    I agree with Papercutninja. Anyone with a sense of humor would’ve played along. Anyone know which Apple Store this happened in? I have some quarters I would like to take care of.

  9. bambino says:

    You didn’t even owe the salesperson all the apologies and self-depreciating jokes. You spend money, she takes money, she gives you product, you take product. End of transaction. I’m sick of all these retail workers and their sense of entitlement.

  10. Morton Fox says:

    No need for embarrassment. Spend your money with confidence! Throw down the brick of ones and demand satisfaction.

  11. Ben Popken says:

    There’s a reason why it’s called legal tender.

  12. With my luck, I would be the person behind you in line as you pay with your pennies and singles. Don’t do it!

  13. Miguel Valdespino says:

    The one issue I would put up is that if you are in debt, why did you need to spend $1,800 on a computer? There are many computers priced far lower. I know of several places where you can get a decent laptop for $900 or so, even without rebates. I would be upset if someone I owed a significant amount of money spent so much on a computer. I’m not questioning the need for a computer (or a cell phone), just the level that you need.

  14. Falconfire says:

    Those are the old 5’s (well the redon 5’s not the originals) They are still VERY easy to counterfit. What I am talking about are the new color 5’s that should be coming out soon.