We Will Vacate For You, Wholesale

Vacations are all too often so terribly disappointing. Far from being rampant with bronze sultry bikini babes, suave tuxedo vignt-et-un streaks and exotic adventures in foreign climes, the average vacation is usually spent being harassed by beggars, surrounded by octogenarians or pushing your entire liquified bowels out of your sphincter and into the hotel room toilet bowl.

So why bother? The Russians have the right idea!

Taking a page from Philip K. Dick, a Russian Travel Agency called Persey Tours will sell you a fake, glamorous vacations to rub your smug asshole friends’ noses in. For $500, they’ll supply you with snapshots made mid-coital-thrust with supermodels or jumping a jet ski over the Grand Canyon. Moreover, they’ll even supply you with more mundane proof, like fake receipts and ticket stubs.

As an interesting addendum, Russia really loves fake, apparently: “The Ministry of Economic Development and Trade has estimated that 50% of all consumer goods sold in Russia are fake; the counterfeit trade, Minister German O. Gref announced in January, has reached $4 billion to $6 billion a year — no one knows exactly, because the books are cooked.”

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