A Little Birdy Went Tweet Tweet….

…in the coal mine.

What exactly do we gotta love? Find out, after the jump…



That’s right, we have a copy of the AOL Retention Consultant manual. We’ve also got the cheat sheet flowchart. It’s really interesting to follow along and see what parts of Vincent’s phone call jibe with what the employees are instructed to do.

And then also, how it differs.

We can’t wait to bust out our mad compare and contrast seventh grade essay skills. Salivating, really. We need to find a bib.

More to come, soon, after we’re done savoring. There’s the savory, the sweet, and then, the snark. Oh yes, there will be snark. The book will bleed snark. And then the snark will bleed. And then the blood will cry. And then the tears, they will explode, scattering acid into every pore.


Edit Your Comment

  1. thespunk says:

    This is just awesome.

    So how are the AOL big-wigs gonna explain this?

  2. ModerateSnark says:

    Ok, quick vocabulary nitpick: You mean “jibe,” not “jive.”

    Now on to business: This is great. Setting aside all the dirty secrets this book must contain, I continue to find it fascinating that AOL puts such extreme efforts into “retention” instead of simply providing a service that is worth keeping. It confounds me.

  3. julian says:

    I loved it so much I formatted my HD and switched ISP’s ;).

  4. thespunk says:

    You Gotta Love It! (OR YOU’RE FIRED!!!)

  5. AOL is a lot like North Korea…

  6. buck09 says:

    One of the side effects of being exposed to the goatse image is they way you see it in everything afterwards. In this case however, I suspect that the goatse-inspired cover will be an accurate summary of the content within. We shall see…

  7. I hope AOL freaks out and does some legal wrangling to suppress this internal document. I’d love to see them further embarass themselves.

  8. Goatse + Retention, something about that just irks me.