Whole Foods’ Remarkably Feculent Fruit

A paper sack of rotting fruit: oozing black, pulpy innards, fetid in maggots, a noxious stench exuding from diseased and swollen orbs. What’s that? A bag full of genetically-modified and irradiated granny smiths from the local Stop & Shop. Hardly — a two day old sack of Whole Food organic fruits.

Johnny Hong Kong wrote us in, cluing us in to the spontaneous decomposition of the fruit he was buying at his local Whole Foods.

    Having been burned on multiple occasions – buying fruit that seemed to be fresh only to have it rot coming home or buying fruit that did not taste like the whole foods brand would suggest – I picked out my purchases carefully: the bananas were green, tangerines, oranges and peaches firm – at least a day or two away – figuring it would take me that long to eat it all. The next day? Oranges – rotten. The day after that? Tangerines – moldy like I was running a penicillin factory.

Well, Johnny, we don’t have much sympathy: anyone who has sat through an 8th grade biology class knows that fruit won’t stay fresh without being crossbred with pig embryos and injected with plutonium. Or maybe not. But perhaps some of you super smarties out there can riddle us this: is there anything sprayed on non-organic fruit that perhaps staves off rapid decomposition? Given the remarkable health of the apples that have been sitting on top of my refrigerator for the last month, I’d wager yes.

Rotten Fruit Percentage [Johnny Hong Kong]