Oh what the f….

Tom Hanks sure likes his triple venti latte.

The actor is attached to star in “How Starbucks Saved My Life,” about an advertising executive who loses his job and family and has to work at the coffee chain to pay the bills. He befriends the young manager and learns about life and love.

…and how to pretend not to understand what “medium coffee” means until a customer, in a fit of consumerist rage, grabs his twitching head, peels back his eyelids with his fingernails and gouges out his eyeball on the cappuccino steam nozzle, then twists the dial to full blast. Actually, that movie could be pretty good, though maybe they should option Dario Argento and not Gus Van Sant to direct.

Tom Hanks in ‘Starbucks’ brew [Reuters]

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.