Man vs. Cell Phone Company: The Epic

…a David [and] Goliath story…

This is the most beautiful and finely crafted customer service failure chronicle known to man:

    “Are you sure you tried the website?” she asked, in tones similar to someone asking if I also needed help wiping. “There’s some nice photos of Catherine Zeta-Jones you can jack it to while you shop. You sound like you’re majorly fertile.”

    Which is true, of course, but I was onto this minx. “I can’t do what I’m trying to do online,” I said flatly. “Can you guys help me or not?” “Of course!” she cried. “Hold on a sec,” I heard as she clacked at keys, or perhaps she was just idly rattling Chiclets in her hands… Then she hung up on me…”

That’s just a snip. Read more. [Izzle pfaff!] (Thanks to Lia!)


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  1. CTSLICK says:

    I read the whole missive…I laughed, I cried…ok…mostly I laughed. It occurs to me that I distinctly remember my last good experience with a cell phone service provider yet the bad experiences seem to blur together at this point. Which is, of course, all bass-ackwards.

  2. non-meat-stick says:

    That’s what happens when you’re too lazy to put your underware on and talk to someone’s face.

  3. drsmith says:

    The guy who wrote that should be writing comedy full time. It was one of the funniest articles I’ve read in a long time.

  4. CTSLICK says:

    non-meat-stick: Why would one put on their underwear to go get treated like this face to face? I went to a shiny Sprint corporate store and re-upped my contract, upgraded my phone and added two new lines of service (with phones) to my account. To their credit it was a very good sales effort and they put together a good plan based on my current options. That would seem to support your argument. Sadly, they proved themselves to be customer support morons two months later when I realized that they had butchered my account and irrevocably lost all my grandfathered programs. I got a parade of customer service reps, supervisors, managers and lots of shrugs but mostly indifference and “that’s just how it works, we can’t do anything now” explanations. So I left and called Sprint Customer “Care”. I got the telephone equivalent of my visit to the store only I got to drink 3 beers while I was transferred from one person to another. I’ll take the phone call ;)

  5. Bubba Barney says:

    I work for a phone company and honestly, I don’t know where to send random people who get directed to us at times.

    Our number used to be the old network operations center number which was printed on some pieces of equipment.

    So when a piece of equipment goes down, some person with no knowledge of account number or procedures for reporting a trouble [many business customers get dedicated 8XX numbers to us for billing/repair issue – but that doesn’t filter down on the customer end].

    With all the different types of products we sell [Dial, IP, VOIP, Broadband] as well as local telephone service, it is impossible to know who goes where and what number.

    I just got a call today from a guy who’s 800 number was down. Come to find out, he was a customer who is on a reseller account. My good deed of the day was actually looking up the account the number was on, and calling the reseller with the customer online so he didn’t get dropped or misdirected again.

    Normally I try and do this full call resolution with everyone, but that is not always possible. There are some customers out there who don’t know their arse from their elbow.