TRAVELERS, BEWARE! There is a travel advisory in effect for all the Bahaman islands. Unconfirmed reports detail sectarian violence against tourists. The State Department advises rescheduling plans to visit. Any and all Americans on the islands should report to their nearest ivory helicopter, immediately. Don’t be fooled by the guys on the beach offering to get you “high,” the effect is merely psychological and will not assist your departure, although it may blunt how your perception of your impending doom. Here is the document upon which the State Department based its advisory:

Please also note the fortuitous picture of the black man with the large death-stick standing behind the white man. You can bet dimes to doughnuts that the white man’s death stick is much, much smaller.

Snapped from a New York City subway poster prior to meeting up with team Gawker for a late night of bowling with a pile of other media whores.

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