When the universe finally implodes and existence fades away into the more natural state of nothingness, the moment immortalized to the left is one of those happy moments the universe will fondly recollect as its life flashed before its eyes. It is, of course, the moment when Fabio went on a Six Flags roller coaster, head butted a migratory goose flying across the track and it exploded in his face. In the back row, a gore-spattered girl screams in abject hysteria, while a more level-headed girl to Fabio’s right realizes the event for what it is — the best thing ever — and takes advantage of the opportunity to gloatingly mock him.
Unfortunately for Six Flags, though, stray objects hitting their roller coaster patrons in the face isn’t limited merely to Milano studmuffins. They have just been successfully sued for $3.6 million dollars by a woman who had her nose broken by a flying cell phone.
Of course, this doesn’t quite beat the time when we vomited right in our own face on the loop-de-loop of a Six Flags upside-down roller coaster. We’re not sure what Six Flags can do about emptying our stomachs before we go on a ride, but it might be in their own best interest to ask customers to empty their pockets into lockers before they get on a roller coaster. And perhaps employ a team of goose snipers as part of the staff on their rides.
Correction! It was Busch Gardens where Fabio’s face blew up a goose, not Six Flags. Po-tay-to, po-tah-toe!