The Week In Product Recalls: Strangulations, Infernos, Boo-Boos.

Black Dog Children
s Sweatshirts with Drawstrings Recalled for Strangulation Hazard

As you may know, anything with a Black Dog emblem is the souvenir d
etre of Martha’s Vineyard, the eastern seaboard’s well-heeled playground isle. Bill Clinton, liberal poseurs, and other tasteless conspicuous consumers hang out there during the summer. Their children may be in danger, as their noses, held aloft, could tangle on the sweatshirt’s drawstrings, causing asphyxiation.

Do the blue-blooded just get super blue while strangled? Or is there a special shade reserved for the rich?

Let’s find out.

paintballgun.jpgPaintball Markers Recalled for Ejecting CO2 Cartridges, Hits Users

Brass Eagle recalled the Blade Turbo
and Paintball Breakout Players Kit
after 73 reports of eye injuries, facial bruises, and lacerations.

The carbon dioxide (CO2) cartridges can be forcibly ejected out the back of the paintball marker and break the plastic screw-on cap. This poses a serious risk of injury to the paintball marker
s operator who can be hit forcefully by the CO2 cartridges or the plastic screw-on cap.

Cheney is said to be disappointed. He routinely gave the Blade Turbo
as a gag gift to friends and advisors.

Polycom Inc. Recalls Conference Phone Batteries for Fire Hazard

“Polycom has received two reports of batteries overheating and causing minor damage to the tables on which the units sat.”

Wow, Charles, I really felt that conference call was on fire today. We really smoked the competition. Har har har ow I’m burning, I die.

Krups Espresso Makers Recalled Due to Fire Hazard

“The electrical connectors in the espresso machine can erode, posing a fire hazard.”

Your macchiatos come out really bitchin’, so it’s a tradeoff between gourmet coffee and, oh, death by inferno.

[U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission]

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.