Second Life is a sprawling online community in which subscribers, wearied by the employment and consumerism of their unmagical lives, log-on to a virtual realm where they can engage in such activities as holding virtual jobs and buying virtual goods. It’s post modern escapism at its most pathetic: at least those belching, LCD-irradiated sows pretending to be a virtual elf in other online games are doing something they can’t do in real life.

But if you’re the kind of guy who likes to spend real-life money for virtual services, you may be thrilled to find this comprehensive review archive of virtual prostitutes in Second Life. Safe for work, as long as your employer isn’t a long-distance speed reader, but not for sanity. “Women” (and really, there’s no way to know for sure online!) are scored according to sexual adventurism and the literary technique of the performance art Penthouse Letters they type into the chat window. Most of the site is far too filthy to quote for you, but here’s a great quote in which the reviewer puts upon the grammarian monocle he inherited from Fowler to dissect the literary prowess of his paid polygonal floozy:

The really cool thing about Alyssa was that she surprised me all the time. She used two types of sentences, for example, which I didn
t see an escort do before. On the one hand pretty long descriptions like:

Girl moans hotly and tilts herself back further… she practically sits on your face, her warm wet *bleep!* opressing onto your lips… she shudders and relaxes and suddenly, she
s spraying hot salty *bleep, dammit, bleep!* into your mouth!!

Also note the exclamation marks, a novelty as well.

Also a novelty, this moment of introspection on the part of the author: “Alyssa made… [it] clear I was really nothing but a little pisscunt, which is true I think.” Yeah, so do we.

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