He has four fingers and a dog as a first mate.

What’s a cartoon Cap’n to do when his title is up for debate? Hold a press conference, of course. Cap’n Crunch neither confirms nor denies he’s a commander in this YouTube clip, but he does mention a few other inconsistencies about his general appearance, along with those three hotly-debated stripes on his uniform. We’re ready to just call a Cap’n a Cap’n. No Ts necessary. [More]

(frankieleon)

U.S. Navy Weighs In On Cap’n Crunch Scandal: Oddly, He’s Not In Our Personnel Records

Let’s be clear, shall we? By raising the question of whether Cap’n Crunch is indeed a captain, or as some have suggested, a commander, our intent was never to lay the beloved cereal sailor low. Nay, we only seek the truth, so as to be undistracted by such trappings when it comes time to break our fast. We want to get to the bottom of this man of mystery, and the U.S. Navy appears to have the same goal. [More]

We Don’t Know How To Handle The Fact That Cap’n Crunch Has Been Living A Lie

(imager)

On the one hand, this could all be a little misunderstanding and there’s nothing to freak out about. On the other? Our entire cereal-eating lives could be based on a lie because of one little yellow stripe. If Internet speculation is to be believed, the so-called “Captain” of Cap’n Crunch cereal might really be a commander. Not a captain. So not Cap’n Crunch. [More]

Krunchy.

Aldi Hits Kid’s Krunch Cereal With Sugary, Sugary Shrink Ray

Matthew was shopping for cereal at Aldi when he noticed something interesting. The boxes of Kid’s Krunch cereal had recently been redesigned, and both versions were on the shelf, side-by-side. That’s a nice opportunity to do some comparisons. Unfortunately for Aldi, what he noticed while comparing the old and new boxes was that the cereal just happened to have lost a few ounces in the process. Oh no––the dreaded Grocery Shrink Ray has come to Aldi! [More]

Did PepsiCo Leave Cap'n Crunch Adrift At Sea?

Did PepsiCo Leave Cap'n Crunch Adrift At Sea?

A seafaring high commander of morning goodness for decades, Cap’n Crunch may now be walking the plank, because PepsiCo apparently hasn’t so much as put out a press release about the cereal since 2007. [More]

Alert: Crunchberries Are Not Real Berries

Alert: Crunchberries Are Not Real Berries

Late last month, a U.S. District Court judge dismissed a complaint filed by a woman who said she’d been buying Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries cereal for four years under the assumption that crunchberries are a real berry. “The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said ‘berries’ were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls.”