Alert: Crunchberries Are Not Real Berries
Late last month, a U.S. District Court judge dismissed a complaint filed by a woman who said she'd been buying Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries cereal for four years under the assumption that crunchberries are a real berry. "The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said 'berries' were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls."
In his decision, the judge wrote,
This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a "crunchberry." Furthermore, the "Crunchberries" depicted on the [box] are round, crunchy, brightly-colored cereal balls, and the [box] clearly states both that the Product contains "sweetened corn & oat cereal" and that the cereal is "enlarged to show texture." Thus, a reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist. . . . So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.
According to Lowering the Bar, the blog that reported this decision, this isn't even the first time someone has done this:
Judge England also noted another federal court had "previously rejected substantially similar claims directed against the packaging of Fruit Loops [sic] cereal, and brought by these same Plaintiff attorneys." He found that their attack on "Crunchberries" should fare no better than their prior claims that "Froot Loops" did not contain real froot.
"Reasonable Consumer Would Know "Crunchberries" Are Not Real, Judge Rules" [Lowering the Bar] (Thanks to YourTechSupport!)
Post a comment
Comments:
I have so many thoughts on this, but I just...can't...express them...words not forming...absolute disbelief.
I'll leave you with the first one:
Plaintiff claimed that this message was reinforced by other marketing representing the product as a "combination of Crunch biscuits and colorful red, purple, teal and green berries."
Cause there are so many teal-colored berries out there...
I ate this same cereal, with crunchberries, when I was 10 years old. No one had to tell me that the berries were not real. I'm wondering what lawyer decided to take her case and thought it could hold up in court.
They're real to me!
Shakespeare was apparently right when it came to lawyers.
@Adrienne Willis: Over the last few years I've turned away from favoring the death penalty, but I think there needs to be an exception in my final decision for these people.
@pecan 3.14159265: Considering that some people never go into the produce section and have a hard time figuring out what an artichoke is I am starting to believe this women honestly thought there were teal berries out there...."What do you mean you dont got teal ? Capn has em!"
Next: a person realizes "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" isn't butter! Lawsuit ensues!
Next you'll tell me dingleberries aren't high in vitamin C.
OK, let me get this right...I have no idea what a crunchberry is, so let me run out and eat some! For four years! Yeah!
Wonder who broke her heart by telling her they weren't real.
I've never had them, but they do look a bit like dried fruit in the picture. Little, multi-colored dried-up fruits that stay crispy and crunchy in milk.
(Why is it that Grape-Nuts contains neither grapes nor nuts?)
@nytmare: They look like the stuff I crushed up and glued to styrofoam balls to make planets. There is no way they look anything like dried fruit.
Meanwhile, overheard in a genetic engineering lab in Monsanto...
"Cancel the crunchberry project! CAN-CEL the CRUNCH-BERRY project!"
@halah: I would have loved to do it. I'm the guy who tells others YooHoo isn't actually chocolate milk, but chocolate "drink".
But the snozberries do taste like snozberries.
I can accept that there are some ignorant people out there, but the bigger insult is that there are lawyers willing to take on a case like this, more than once even. What does it matter if the crunchberries are not real, where is the injury?
@Adrienne Willis: How is the person 'stupid'? A jerk definitely. But not stupid.
***thinking of the Simpsons episode where the lawyer was talking about his past cases, where he was suing the makers of "The Never Ending Story".
In a related note, FUNYUNS® are not made with real onions...more devastating culinary news to be reported after the break.
What about the fact that Basic 4 cereal touts on their packaging (presumably) four basic elements to a balanced cereal, but actually only contains three notable ingredients, since "delicious" is not edible.
The text on the box says: A Delicious Blend of Sweet and Tangy Fruits, Crunchy Nuts and a Wholesome Variety of Grains
with the words "delicious," "fruits," "nuts," and "grains," in green.
All I'm seeing is Basic 3.
Also, Animal Crackers do not contain Animals.
There are no Angels in Angel Food Cake
There is plenty of sin in Devil's Food Cake, but meh.
@I Love New Jersey: I can assure you that many of his peers are facepalming and sending him "dude, what were you thinking?" vibes. I certainly am. Idiot.
Oh man, I've commented on this article on the ABA's website, but it's hard to resist the urge to post more.
I can't believe a lawyer took this case on. I'm sure many of his/her peers will join me in grimacing at this lawyer and giving people fuel for the I Hate Lawyers fire.
Fruity pebbles are not rocks. I'm suing.
What an amazing use of the justice system! Keep it classy, lady. Now is the time to put together your case against animal crackers because it is cruelty to animals.
@Adrienne Willis: It's a pretty tried and true theory amongst us smart folk that the people that most complain about "stupid people" are often not the brightest bulb on the tree themselves.
Stay classy, San Diego.
@nytmare: They may look a bit like dried fruit to you, nytmare, but trust me, if you ever ate one there would be no doubt in your mind that they most definitely are NOT a fruit.
As long as he wasn't doing this on a contingency basis, why not? Her money is just as green as any other client's.
At least I can still get my daily fruit servings from dingleberries.
I hope the defendants in this case get their court costs reimbursed.
Don't tell her about Soylent Green!
I lost my lawsuits too recently. Turns out the ghosts in were not poltergeists, but actually marshmallows. Also, it turns out Tony the Tiger is not a real person.
@radleyas: When burst, yes. The juice can look purple (which blue is a natural component of). But in full berry form, they're straight up blue.
Why cant we just shoot stupid people immediately?