(Sarah Mount)

Thieves Steal 1.4 Tons Of Cheese Contaminated With Listeria

Listen, if there’s anyone out there who understands the lure of wheel upon wheel of beautiful cheese, it’s me. Cheese is my significant other, so I get it. But thieves in Liechtenstein are barking up a very dangerous tree by swiping 1.4 tons of cheese contaminated with harmful bacteria. That cheese is sadly, meant for no one. [More]

(Archman8)

Dallas Bar Owner Won’t Show NFL Games In Protest Of League’s Domestic Violence Policy

Like a unicorn kissing noses with a flying dragon, a bar in Texas that refuses to show football was, until this point, a fantastical thing that we never thought could become reality. But one Dallas bar owner is willing to risk out on all that football money to protest the NFL’s stance on domestic violence. He says he won’t show any NFL games this season until something changes in the league. [More]

These are your new rich friends!

Social Networking Site For Rich People Charges $9,000 Fee To Join

Looking out across the vast oceans of the Internet, at all those massive schools of plebeians just swimming around and congesting Facebook and Twitter with their everyday ordinariness, one can only imagine it gets lonely out there for the super rich “who have more money than time.” Well, look at that, there’s a social media site designed just for those folks, and it costs $9,000 to be a member. [More]

(Leonid Mamchenkov)

Audi Snags First Automaker Permit To Test Self-Driving Cars On Public Roads In California

While Google has been tootling around California with its driverless cars, causing gawkers to stop and gawk and generally make traffic disturbances, there hasn’t yet been an automaker prepared to dip its toes into the world of driverless cars. Audi just snagged the bragging rights to being the first car maker to get a permit from California to test its own self-driving cars on the public highways and byways of the state. [More]

Pizza Shop Worker Admits It Was “Stupid” To Rub His Junk On Customer’s Pie

(Coyoty)

Today in Awful Things I’d Rather Not Know Happened But Well, Here We Are: A customer at a take-and-bake pizza shop has accused an 18-year-old worker of rubbing his downstairs bits on the pie as he got his order ready. The reason? He was allegedly annoyed at having to take the order right before the store closed for the night. [More]

(perfectly_cromulent)

Bud Light Doesn’t Want To Be The Official Beer Of Domestic Violence

As the company behind Bud Light, the official beer of the National Football League, Anheuser-Busch InBev has some major pull in professional football. Which is why the company has some strong words for the NFL over recent reports of domestic violence off the field and how the league has handled these situations. Not well at all, basically. [More]

(afagen)

City In China Introduces Slow Lane For Texting Pedestrians

As annoying as it is to walk behind someone blindly stumbling forward while texting on their mobile device, the very idea of a slow lane designated just for that bumbling purpose might very well be even more annoying. But that’s kind of the point of a new texting lane one city in China introduced recently. [More]

Clear Channel Announces At Slumber Party That Everyone Has To Call It iHeartMedia Now

Clear Channel Announces At Slumber Party That Everyone Has To Call It iHeartMedia Now

When I was 11, I scrawled “Maribeth” with a star over the “i” over anything I could get my hands on, homework and diary alike, and told all my friends that they had to write my name that way from now on. That lasted about a month. And now that Clear Channel has everyone’s attention at this sleepover, it’d like you all to know that its new name is iHeartMedia, okay? Who knows how long this will last. [More]

(frankieleon)

Michigan Funeral Home Installs Drive-Thru Viewing Window

The convenience of a drive-thru window is obvious, but one usually thinks of banks or fast food chains that use them for the ease of customers on the go. And not, as one funeral home is doing in Michigan, a drive-thru viewing window for visiting the deceased. But then again, why not? [More]

Let’s All Pretend To Be Surprised That The LeSean McCoy $0.20 Tip Receipt Is For Sale

Dig into those seat cushions, everyone.

It is my sincerest hope that the waiter who received a $0.20 tip on a $61 restaurant tab paid for by NFL running back LeSean McCoy is going to reap at least some financial gain from the sale of the now infamous receipt, which is for sale on eBay at a high bid of about $99,000 as of this writing. Leaving us completely unsurprised, of course, because when a piece of paper makes the news like this, someone’s probably willing to shell out the big bucks to own a moment in tipping history. [More]

Sushi Lovers May Be Facing Rising Prices As A Result Of The California Drought

(ChrisGoldNY)

For those who don’t live in California, it might seem like the drought is only a problem in that state — ‘Their lawns may be brown but mine’s not, so who cares?” an uncool citizen of the world might say. But you start jacking up the prices at sushi restaurants around the country and suddenly, it looks like it could be everyone’s problem. [More]

WTF or something else?

Is This Talking Barbie Saying “What The F**k?!”?

As one who has not played with Barbies in any serious kind of way for at least 20 years, I’m sure there are plenty of modern dolls doing all kinds of things I never dreamed of as a kid. And while yes, I would’ve liked a doll that trills out “what the f**k?!?” when my brothers would try to pull her head off, one mom of a young girl says she’s not too pleased that her daughter’s talking Barbie appears to have a potty mouth on her. [More]

(Majiscup - The Papercup & Sleeve)

McDonald’s Offering Free Morning Coffee For Two Weeks

If you haven’t had your morning coffee yet, this message might not even be entering your brain in any way that makes sense. But for those of you who are functioning, that daily cup of joe could be free, if you like McDonald’s brew: The fast food chain is offering a free small coffee during breakfast hours starting today and going through Sept. 29. [More]

(LoopZilla)

Tesco Abandons Plan To Have Sniper Shoot Protected Bird Living In A Store

It’s hard out there for a pied wagtail. First of all, your species is in decline. Second, it’s hard enough to get a nice place to live, without meddlesome humans coming in and trying to shoot you out of your home. Good news for one particular pied wagtail living in a Tesco store in England, then, that supermarket officials have decided not to bring in a hired sniper to shoot it with an air rifle. [More]

(Flodigrip's World)

When Your Company Owns Madison Square Garden, Your Band Opens For The Eagles

If I was a billionaire CEO of a cable company, I’d buy an island in the South Pacific and get a house with one of those cool libraries with a ladder to reach higher shelves and dedicate myself to the art of cheesemaking. If Jim Dolan was a billionaire CEO of a cable company, he’d book his own band to open for the most rockin’ band he knows at the venue his company happens to own. Oh wait, he is, and he did book his own band to open for the Eagles at Madison Square Garden. [More]

(zonaphoto)

Southwest Passenger Detained After Creating WiFi Hotspot Names Like “Bomb On Board”

Authorities detained a passenger aboard a Southwest flight that landed at Seattle-Tacoma Airport yesterday on its way to Denver, after reports that he created a bunch of creepy names for his in-flight WiFi hotspot, naming it “Southwest – Bomb on Board” and making comments about the attractiveness of flight attendants, among other things. [More]

(poopoorama)

Here’s Why American Stores Refrigerate Eggs While Some Other Countries Don’t

At the sight of an egg sitting on an unrefrigerated store shelf, many Americans would shudder and think, “Well, that can’t be very safe because we keep our eggs nice and chilled and America is No. 1.” But are those foreign countries wrong and are we right? How can it be safe to keep eggs either chilled or at room temperature? [More]

(SHOTbySUSAN)

Okay, Enough Of This Trend Already: Thief Wipes Out Preschoolers’ Pumpkin Patch

First, it was corn stolen from farmers. Next, it was a class of fifth graders learning the harsh lessons of life when someone swiped their entire onion crop. And now we’ve gotten to the sad, low point of some awful, horrible, no good very bad person or persons stealing all the pumpkins from a patch belonging to preschoolers. What’s next, stealing milk from babies?!? [More]