(stirwise)

Chipotle Hiking Prices For First Time In Three Years Because It’s Just So Popular

Chipotle knows you like it, there’s no need to be coy. And because its popularity is growing, the company seems pretty confident customers will still come back for tacos and burritos once it raises prices for the first time int three years. And you all helped it feel that way, so good job…? [More]

TSA Finds Large Knife Ruining A Batch Of Perfectly Good Enchiladas At California Airport

TSA Finds Large Knife Ruining A Batch Of Perfectly Good Enchiladas At California Airport

Just like my second cousin twice removed Hildy used to say — a sure way to ruin a tasty batch of enchiladas is by hiding a huge knife in it and then trying to get through airport security. At least, she would’ve said that if she existed and knew someone tried to do just that at a Sonoma airport recently. [More]

Newborn Kittens Survive Accidentally Getting Packed In A Box And Shipped 130 Miles

Newborn Kittens Survive Accidentally Getting Packed In A Box And Shipped 130 Miles

Warning: If you are prone to squees of delight and shrieks of adoration, the below story might not be safe for your coworkers’ ears. Because how could you not utter at least one “aww!” when faced with tiny newborn kittens named Mouse and Wifi that survived traveling 100 miles packed in a box shipped to a warehouse? [More]

(AJ Brujstein)

General Mills’ New Policy: If You Engage With Us Online, You Can Never Sue The Company

Companies want customers to engage with them online as if they’re just another pal on Facebook or Twitter, one that can offer downloadable coupons and promote contests with attractive prizes. But in new language recently added to General Mills’ website, consumers who interact with the company online will be agreeing to give up the right to sue the company in the future. [More]

There he goes. (YouTube)

City Officials Flushing 38 Million Gallons Of Water After Teen Pees In Portland Reservoir

The reason cranky adults yell things like “Get off my lawn!” at teenagers isn’t just to protect that lawn. No, we’ve learned in our wise old age that it’s just easier than yelling “Please think about your decisions and how they will affect those around you before you do something just because you think it’s funny!” Case in point: A 19-year-old who’s wasted 38 million gallons of drinking water just because he apparently thought it’d be hilarious to pee in it. [More]

(Instagram @jodyrosen)

So Your Mother Accidentally Stole Someone’s Car — Now What?

Because the Consumerist team is strong in the ways of the Force, I know you’re probably thinking something like, “How can someone accidentally steal a car?” Maybe if that person thinks they’re actually just moving the car they were told to move, because hey, these keys work so it must be the right one. Except that it wasn’t. [More]

Starbucks: Our Ads With Men Named Duncan Came Before Taco Bell’s Ronald McDonald Spots

Starbucks: Our Ads With Men Named Duncan Came Before Taco Bell’s Ronald McDonald Spots

Perhaps you had a good chuckle over those Taco Bell ads starring men named Ronald McDonald where the gag is — can you believe this? — they actually prefer the Bell’s new breakfast over McDonald’s. It’s funny because of their names. And while some are calling Starbucks a copycat for its Seattle’s Best Coffee spots with testimonials from men named Duncan pledging their love (because Dunkin’ Donuts!), the company is stressing that its ads came first. [More]

Of Course There Are Dance Parties For Kids At NYC Nightclubs

Of Course There Are Dance Parties For Kids At NYC Nightclubs

When I was a little girl, I dreamed about standing in really long lines to get into a place filled with blaring music and people packed so tightly your ribs felt like they’d never be whole again. That’s not true (my dreams involved drinking legally at the annual summer music festival) but then again, I didn’t grow up in New York City, where kids these days can fulfill all (or most) of their clubbing dreams at a young age. [More]

It’s Baaaaaaack: KFC Is Resurrecting The Double Down

It’s Baaaaaaack: KFC Is Resurrecting The Double Down

It’s been a long four years since we first met the KFC Double Down. And while many fast food frankensandwiches have since sought to bottle that starshine and bring it to their own offerings, nothing we’ve seen since has captured the country’s interest quite like that bacon and cheese sandwich with fried chicken “buns.” And now it’s reportedly coming back to delight/disgust the nation yet again. [More]

(cavale)

Woman Sues Walmart Over Shampoo She Claims Ruined Her Super Long Locks

Like Lady Godiva and Sampson before her, a woman in Oregon took great pride in her long locks, which used to reach the small of her back. Until, she claims, a shampoo she bought from Walmart tangled her hair so badly she had to cut large chunks of it off. [More]

(Craigslist)

You Can Buy The Vice President’s Old Cadillac, Signature Biden Jokes Not Included

Whenever I think of Vice President Joe Biden, I imagine him either on a train or telling a somewhat awkward joke in a totally inappropriate setting. But it turns out he also drives cars on occasion, along with his usual train riding and jokemaking duties (and also being VP, etc), one of which is now reportedly for sale by its most recent owner. No jokes are included in the deal though, so you’ll have to provide your own. [More]

Victoria’s Secret Worker Accused Of Stealing, Selling Customers’ Credit Card Information

Victoria’s Secret Worker Accused Of Stealing, Selling Customers’ Credit Card Information

While you might be on the lookout for credit card skimmers installed at the ATM, a gas station pump or even a public transit kiosk, you likely wouldn’t expect a retail associate to wield such a weapon against customers. But police say one Victoria’s Secret store clerk did just that, skimming information from unsuspecting patrons and selling it to an alleged cohort. [More]

(KLN TV)

Missing Child Found Playing Inside Claw Machine Is Safe, Probably Bummed To Be Rescued

As a child, one of the great wonders of life is witnessed the first time you press your face up to that thick plastic, eyes agog as a great claw appears from the sky to descend upon a mountain of toy delight and delicately pluck its chosen prize, to carry it triumphantly aloft and deliver it to eagerly waiting hands. And we all totally wished we could be inside that big plastic box filled with toys. [More]

Lawsuit: Magically Slimming Underwear Didn’t Do Any Magical Slimming

Lawsuit: Magically Slimming Underwear Didn’t Do Any Magical Slimming

Why would you buy a slimming garment? Because you want it to make you slim, obviously. So when two Massachusetts women bought special skivvies marketed based on their weight-reducing ingredients and felt that no such weight reduction happened, they decided to sue. [More]

Not really created by Aaron Sorkin. Hence, parody.

It’s Totally Unfair That This Hilarious ‘Newsroom’ Fast Food Parody Isn’t A Real Show

Walk with me. You should know there’s no love lost between some members of the Consumerist team and Aaron Sorkin. Not now, not ever. But doesn’t this country stand for something, something more than those who like West Wing and Newsroom and those who think it’s too much fast talking while walking, dammit? That’s why there are Sorkin parodies that are better than the real thing. Because this is America. We need to get this post up, damn it. We owe it to ourselves. [More]

(sallyvillarreal)

When You’ve Gotta Go, Don’t Do It On The Alamo — Unless You Like Jail

We’ve all been there — that pressing urge like no other, where your bladder might as well be the Goodyear blimp, insisting you pay attention to its large size and presence and go ahead and micturate already. But don’t drain it on a national landmark, or you’ll be aiming that stream in a prison toilet, as one very bad consumer recently found out. [More]

(JoshBassett|PHOTOGRAPHY)

Former Chipotle Worker Claims She Was Fired For Taking Time To Heal After Abusive Situation

A former New York City Chipotle worker is suing the Mexican eatery, claiming she was fired from her job because she took time off to recover from an abusive situation involving her boyfriend. She says in the suit that when she fractured her finger during an altercation with her boyfriend, she was punished for taking time off on the doctor’s orders. [More]

Walkmans Are Totally Ridiculous To Kids Who’ve Never Made An Awesome Mix Tape Before

Walkmans Are Totally Ridiculous To Kids Who’ve Never Made An Awesome Mix Tape Before

There are probably many remnants from our not-so-far-off past that sure, seem a bit archaic — remember when you had to rent a VCR from Blockbuster? — but because we lived through technology like cassette players and video stores, it’s just fun nostalgia. For kids who never had to hone their fast-forwarding skills to hit just the right song or labor over mix tapes though, something like a Walkman is downright weird. [More]