Cross your fingers, my fellow dairy lovers: the fate of $90,000 worth of innocent Parmesan is hanging in the balance.

After recovering $160,000 worth of stolen cheese, authorities in Wisconsin have been cleaning up the mess made by the two recent cheese heists. Among other things like trying to figure out whodunnit — no leads yet, alas — that includes dealing with the recovered cheese. And by “dealing with,” I mean, “burying in a landfill so no one will ever get to enjoy its creamy, melty, infinitely lovable cheesiness.”

Yes, $70,000 in the form of chunked and shredded cheese found safe after one of the heists couldn’t be resold, and was sent to its garbage grave, where it will have the chance to delight no mouths, reports The Post-Crescent in Appleton, WI. The rest of the stolen cheese has to wait a bit longer to learn its fate.

“We’re still trying to account for the whereabouts of it the entire time it was missing,” a Marshfield police detective Kevin Hamill said of the Parmesan. “Once we can or cannot determine that, a decision will be made” involving the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection.

Investigators are still pursuing leads, but say that the thefts appear unrelated. Besides the fact that both involve cheese, of course. Whoever you are, it’s your fault no one will ever eat that cheese sitting underground now. Jerks.

Cheese ring? Police say thefts unrelated [The Post-Crescent]

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