You know how the jerk in your office will occasionally do something nice, like buy everyone a round of drinks after work or bring in cupcakes, just to prove he isn’t always horrible? You probably accept the free stuff while knowing that it ultimately doesn’t change the fact that he’s still an awful person to work with. That’s what appears to be going with Comcast in Seattle.

You may remember that Comcast did its best to scuttle hopes of a high-speed, city-owned fiber network in Seattle by helping to finance the election campaign of current Mayor Ed Murray, only to have that come back to bite the company on the butt in April when Murray publicly called out the fact that Seattle residents have “few (if any) competitive options” in broadband service and that it is “incredibly clear” that what residents do currently have access to is “not dependable enough” and “cost prohibitive for many.”

Meanwhile, a bunch of new apartment buildings are popping up around Seattle and Comcast is worried that tenants may choose to just not sign up for Comcast service or elect to get a competing pay-TV provider like DirecTV or Dish.

But rather than lure these customers in with better service or lower prices, Comcast is throwing them pizza parties.

“People have choices of different services and we believe if we can we can get people in front of our products they can see the advantages we have over our competitors and learn to like those products,” a Comcast rep tells MyNorthwest.com.

I’m particularly taken by the “learn to like our products” line, as it speaks volumes. First, it implies that Comcast is an acquired taste, like how contestants on Survivor learn to like eating nothing but rice for weeks on end. Second, it acknowledges that no one will ever come to love Comcast; like some sort of forced betrothal, if you spend enough time together, you’ll learn to tolerate each other.

One commenter on the MyNorthwest.com story claims that the company failed to live to the promises made to residents at a pizza party in his Bellevue, WA, apartment complex.

“They advertised free installation, and a discounted rate for internet,” he writes. “When we got our first and second bill, they had billed us for the ‘FREE’ installation, and our internet rate went up by $20+. Trying to call customer service was worthless.”

But the best comments are reserved for Reddit, where people are applying typical Comcastic behavior to pizza.

“So there will be pizza there, which will be bundled with non-optional 2 liters of soft drinks, dessert pizzas, and wings, and you by default rent the silverware and plates,” writes one of our favorites. “That package will cost $7 for the first 30 minutes of the party and then $15 indefinitely, increasing by about 10% every 5 minutes. Of course if a pizza company tried that bullshit, you’d just go to Dominoes, Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, Papa Murphey’s, Little Caesars, The Rock, Zeeks, Pizza Pipeline, MOD, or Pagliacci instead.”

“This is pathetic bribery on Comcast’s part, something an elementary school would do to get a bunch of kids excited about selling magazines,” writes another, who believes that Comcast is trying to stop the spread of apartment-centric service providers like CondoInternet. “Of course that would actually be for the kids’ and school’s benefit. Comcast is a monopoly that keeps raking in profits while offering shittier and shittier service to its customers — all on the backs of a system paid for in large part by taxpayers.”

[via DSLreports.com]

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