The police in Uxbridge, Massachusetts have a request. Someone out there is standing on train bridges and defecating on passing locomotives, and the police would like these people to stop.

The part where they ask folks to stop crapping on trains is drawing headlines, but the more serious issue is that some graffiti artists left their cans on the tracks, and authorities are worried that metal cans or other debris could cause a derailment. Cut it out, the police warned on their Facebook page. “I was told by a P&W [Providence & Worcester Railroad] engineer today that this type of activity could derail or damage the train,” explained a department representative. “At times the trains passing through carry hazardous materials, and if the train gets derailed it could cause a HUGE problem.” Even if the risk isn’t all that high, it’s still not cool to leave anything on railroad tracks.

The department has even harsher words for the poopers, though, warning that anyone caught in the act will be charged with everything that the police possibly can–perhaps indecent exposure, or being super gross in public.

Take this as a warning, if you are caught on the rail road tracks you will be arrested for trespassing, if you are caught “tagging” ANY property you will be arrested, if we catch you with your pants down [defecating] on the train you will be charged with everything we can find that fits the elements to the crime.

Got it? Pooping on freight trains is a ridiculous crime, and not a victimless one.

Uxbridge Police Department [Facebook] (via CBS Boston)

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