1800Flowers Keeps Delivering Dead Flowers To Grandma

Mother’s Day, one of our nation’s major flower-sending holidays, is coming soon. We don’t want to shame the industry over a whole new bouquet of crappy flower deliveries, but it’s inevitable every year. This May, we’re kicking off the festivities early with 1800Flowers, which is seemingly unable to send Lucy’s mom any tulips that aren’t dead.

It’s actually Lucy’s daughter who sent the flowers: she lives in a different state, but Lucy and her mother live in the same city. The grandmother, who is in her eighties, recently was hit by a car and sustained only minor injuries. (Yay!) Her granddaughter decided to send a pretty plant to cheer her up. Instead, what 1800Flowers sent was a reminder that death stalks us at every turn.

Here’s what was supposed to arrive:

unnamed

Now, the plant isn’t supposed to arrive in bloom: it blooms in a few weeks. “Don’t think this baby is going to bloom,” Lucy observes. Nope.

tulip-arrives

Maybe it was going to sprout after delivery, and these tulips were just a little slow? Well…here’s that original plant a week after delivery:

tulip-now

Naturally, the granddaughter was horrified when she saw a picture of the flowers that showed up. 1800Flowers sent a coupon and promised to re-deliver a live plant. Here’s what she got:

plant-6

Lucy describes it as octopus-like, “yellow with shriveled buds.” In relative terms, it is more alive than the original plant. It has leaves and buds! Dead-looking ones, but it’s an improvement.

Now, the granddaughter awaits her refund from 1800Flowers, and her grandmother has two new pots that look like mini fancy wastebaskets. Maybe she can put a living plant in them.

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  1. Raekwon says:

    We need to expand this to include Sherri’s Berries. They are advertising as the flower alternative and have way more commercials showing than flower companies. I’ve seen (and tasted) far worse than some of the horrible flower arrangements.

    • CzarChasm says:

      Yea, we received some of those, I think there were a dozen in the box, two of which were entirely white. It was pretty clear that they hadn’t even made an effort to pick ripe ones.

    • GnRJosh says:

      Can’t agree enough. My wife LOVES Edible Arrangements’ chocolate-covered strawberries, but a dozen, with delivery, costs almost $45. Sheri’s offered a dozen, delivered, for $25 with shipping using a Promo code I had heard on the Bob and Tom show. Thinking you can’t really screw up chocolate-covered strawberries I went for it. Man was I wrong. They arrived on time, but when my wife opened them, she took a pic and sent it to me with a text that simply said “What did I do to make you hate me so much?” The pic showed 4 of the strawberries that looked like they had melted. Not the chocolate, as that still had a relative strawberry shape, but the actual strawberries themselves. There was juice everywhere and the “skin” of the berries was completely deflated and just sitting there, half-inside the chocolate cocoons. The rest were covered in condensation and this made the chocolate run. I’d get it if this was during the summer months, but this was the week before Valentine’s Day. In the end they gave me my money back, but seriously, how do strawberries melt in the dead of winter when surrounded by dry ice?