Walk with me. You should know there’s no love lost between some members of the Consumerist team and Aaron Sorkin. Not now, not ever. But doesn’t this country stand for something, something more than those who like West Wing and Newsroom and those who think it’s too much fast talking while walking, dammit? That’s why there are Sorkin parodies that are better than the real thing. Because this is America. We need to get this post up, damn it. We owe it to ourselves.

In America’s fast food restaurants, there is no room for apple slices. Not in the McDalmond’s of Amy Schumer’s imagination, where the manager has to fight back against the healthy revolution using the only skills he has — serving up Angus Bangers and French fries.

“You tell corporate I’m not putting apple slices on my menu,” retorts the always lovely Josh Charles when the word comes down that things have to change.

The parody nails the Sorkinesque dialogue, the rapid walking-and-talking-this-is-how-effective-people-do-things so effectively that it almost makes me want to actually watch Newsroom. Okay, maybe not that, but I’m willing to give the West Wing a try. On a rainy Sunday. When I have nothing else to do. And a jug of fruit wine. Those are my conditions, Sorkin.

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