After a brief breather, it was back to pummeling the living heck out each other for the remaining contenders in this year’s Worst Company In America tournament. And even though the nation’s largest airline and biggest fast food chain looked like they might have had what it takes to challenge for the Golden Poo, one has to always remember an ages-old truth: People just plain hate banks.
BANK OF AMERICA VS. AMERICAN AIRLINES
Both contenders in Round Two’s first bout entered the Worst Company Oblate Spheroid of Melancholy Mayhem to the classic strains of Rick Derringer’s “Real American,” and both wrapped head-to-toe in red, white, and blue. But even after merging with the almost-as-patriotically-branded U.S. Airways, American still didn’t have enough to fly out of BofA’s deadly fists. In the end, three times as many readers voted to advance Bank of America on to the quarterfinals, leaving American to ponder what it has to make worse if it ever wants to be the first airline to capture the Golden Poo.
BofA’s road to the Final Death Match is paved with uncertainty, as it still awaits the results of the upcoming fight between mega-retailer Walmart and snotty upstart first-timer Abercrombie & Fitch.
MCDONALD’S VS. JPMORGAN CHASE
Given how much negative press McDonald’s has been getting in recent months and its strong showing against Target in Round One, we’d expected Ronald and pals to pull off an upset against Chase in this round. But some people still prefer their McMuffins and McNuggets to just about any bank, let alone one that has been mired in as many lawsuits and scandals as Chase has in the last few years.
So pour out a sip of that Shamrock Shake you’ve been saving in the fridge and say “better luck next year” to McDonald’s, which could only must about 1/3 of the vote in its battle against Chase.
We don’t envy either of Chase’s potential quarterfinal opponents. Ticketmaster has been a regular in the Final Four over the years, though it’s only made the finals once and has never won. SeaWorld is a newcomer to the tournament, but it destroyed Johnson & Johnson in the first round and seems like it may have some momentum behind it.