We Want To Hear From Someone Who Will Prepare And Eat A Ham Banana Roll

Today the Internet revealed a recipe from a bygone era, one where combining fruit, meat, cheese and mustard got people drooling and set stomachs to rumbling. But since reading the instructions on how to concoct your own Ham Banana Rolls is having the opposite effect on my innards (translation: guts are coiling back up into themselves) we’ve got to wonder if any of you brave souls would like to take this recipe on.

In the old advertisement/handy recipe offered by the United Fruit Company, Chiquita Bananas get a makeover that we can only surmise reflected the popular tastes of the time. Either that or the creators flipped through a book of foods, chose four at random and just kinda went with it.

Gird your stomachs, folks.

Gird your stomachs, folks.

If you can’t read the recipe, we’ve copied it below for your culinary pleasure. And please, if anyone is brave enough to create and eat this terrifying banana concoction, send us a line and a photo of the evidence at tips@consumerist.com.

How to make “Ham Banana Rolls”
6 thin slices boiled ham
Prepared mustard (it must be ready to do what it’s about to do to those bananas)
6 firm bananas, peeled
Cheese Sauce

Spread each slice of ham lightly with mustard. Wrap a slice of the prepared ham around each banana. Place in a buttered shallow baking dish and pour Cheese Sauce over bananas. Bake in a moderate oven (350 degrees Fahrenheit) 30 minutes or until bananas are tender… easily pierced with a fork. Six servings. Serve with Cheese Sauce from the baking dish poured over each roll.

How to make a CHEESE SAUCE (because ham, bananas and mustard isn’t a gross enough combination on its own)
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 tablespoons flour
3/4 cup milk
1 1/2 cups grated American cheese (How do you grate American cheese? Shudder).

Melt butter, add flour and stir until smooth. Stir in milk slowly. Add cheese and cook, stirring constantly until sauce is smooth and thickened. Makes about 1 cup sauce.

Then go ahead and douse those bananas in cheese, folks! It had to have made sense to someone, sometime. We’re just not sure who this person with a stomach of steel was or what he or she was trying to accomplish.

*Thanks to Brian for posting this on Facebook!

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  1. Ronnie says:

    You should change the request to have people email you before the attempt. You know, so you can alert their family when you never hear back.

  2. SingleMaltGeek says:

    I’m kind of curious now, but that seems like a lot of food to waste if I hate it, and….BAKE it?!? Everything in there is ready-to-eat. Why the hell would you bake it???

  3. charmander says:

    Is it any weirder than other fruit/meat/cheese combinations, such as pineapple and ham on pizza?

  4. ZixiOfIx says:

    We made these in Home Ec in 8th grade to demonstrate our ability to make a Béchamel/white sauce. Our recipe called for Velvetta, or at least that’s what we used. You don’t really grate Velvetta so much as you sort of mush it thinner with the dull knives we were allowed to use until it incorporated into the sauce. I think we left the mustard off till then end – it was on top when it went into the oven.
    They were… memorable. Not the worst thing I’ve ever made or eaten. I still make the exact same white sauce when I make macaroni and cheese.

  5. radioone says:

    I used to work in a quality control lab for a supermarket. We had these old cookbooks from the 30s-40s to the 50s-early 60s…

    It was quite different from the two time periods…\

    The earlier ones had a very traditional ‘Fannie Farmer’ type flavor, and there were many Depression-era/WWII recipes with many substitutions. These were practical recipes and ‘respectable’ in their own manner.

    The later ones had modern ‘Jet-Age Industrial Process’ flavor. I don’t look down at all on packaged/frozen/canned/artificial foods. But absolutely everything off the wall with what we describe now as ‘kitsch’… The best recipes were the quick approximation of classics, but they were in the minority. Most were of the banana ham roll variety; where the companies just threw whatever together with no concept of taste or flavor layering. It seems like they just said, “Hey, everyone choked it down– print it…”

    All the books of both eras, had one civilized thing in common, that is poo-poo’ed nowadays. Every sandwich had bread that was buttered or mayoed before the sandwich was put together… Not as a dressing for the sandwich, but a dressing for the bread…