Just like death and taxes, one thing that’s always certain is Amy’s Baking Company making the headlines for something terribly entertaining (or just terrible). After a romp through the unbelievable this spring when the restaurant was thrust into the reality TV spotlight by Kitchen Nightmares, the Scottsdale, Ariz. eatery is back in the news: Apparently employees allegedly have to sign a — how shall we say this? — extremely thorough contract.

Radar Online (via Eater) says it has a document that comes from Amy’s Baking Company. The lengthy bit of wording has a plethora of terms that employees allegedly must agree to, and there are a few doozies in there that would make any worker sweat like a popsicle in hell upon reading.

There’s a non-compete clause that outlines how employees can’t work for anyone not only in a certain geographic radius (50 miles) of the restaurant as well as a minimum amount of one year after leaving ABC before you can work for anyone else.

Want to say meaningless things at work? Nope — the “mutual agreement” bans unnecessary talking. Want to comport yourself with a definable air, a certain je ne sai quoi? Better stop it — having “any type of attitude” is verboten.

We’ve picked a few of the 20 terms to highlight, and you’re probably gonna want to read the rest. The non-bolded parts are ours.

• No outside Food or Beverages may be brought inside ABC: This could be a problem if you’re like the former waitress who admitted to never having the urge to pay out of pocket to eat the grub there.

•  Any type of attitude will result in immediate termination: Practice your robot faces.

• No purses or bags are allowed inside ABC, (exceptions may be made) however upon leaving a designated employee of ABC has the legal right and consent to inspect any and all packages that you may have brought with you: Good thing cardboard boxes are the new clutch!

• At no point is any food or any type of open beverage allowed in the kitchen. This is a direct Health Code Violation: So what is the staff cooking in there?

• No visiting or unnecessary talking is allowed during your work shift. This causes distractions and results in loss of product. Any may result in possible harm to you, or to others: Just assume your pal’s weekend was fine, no asking required.

• Holidays and Weekends are Mandatory, by signing this contract you are accepting that you will be required to work all Holidays, and Weekends. Due to the nature of our Industry this is a necessity and any No-Show will be monetarily penalized with a fee of $250.00: Adios, Grandma’s famous Thanksgiving turkey.

And the pièce de résistance, quite possibly the least surprising given the owners love of the “your tips are our tips” policy:

• The wait staff understands that any and all “tips” are property of the “house.” By signing this contract, you agree that you willingly accept a payment of $8.00 to $12.00 per hour to ensure that you will receive some type of payment. Due to the volatile nature of any retail business we are unable to predict when we will have buissness ([sic].By signing this contact you agree that you are willfully accepting a payment of $___ per hour instead of tips.

Eater points out quite observantly that the document isn’t dated, so it’s hard to know if the tips policy is from before the whole Kitchen Nightmares fiasco. If it’s current, that goes against what Amy and Sam had promised — that the owners would pay servers $5 and give them all their tips.

Kitchen Nightmares Restauranteurs Had Employees Sign Lengthy ‘Legally Binding Contract’ — See It Here! [Radar Online]
Amy’s Baking Co. Makes Employees Sign a Crazy Contract [Eater]

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