Flurberderbervuff. Merflkerneblom? Kushnerpushzle. Normally this is where I would’ve written words about how One Million Moms is super mad at Kraft’s new salad dressing ad but I can’t seem to form many coherent thoughts because come on, look at that guy. He’s going to get ants all up in his business if he doesn’t put that food away before taking a nap.
Because that’s what he’s about to do, right? He’s already started wrapping himself up in that picnic blanket and anything else you suggest he’s gonna do is the result of your own imagination, you saucy minx, you. That headline was just a guess, by the way. There are no rules I’m aware of governing the required wardrobe for picnics.
AdWeek notes that by having One Million Moms all in a tizzy over the model’s lack of clothing and apparent disregard for pest control, the group has really hand-delivered a sweet dose of publicity for Kraft’s Zesty Italian salad dressing. Get Zesty, indeed, am I right? (Still having problems focusing, am I alive? Is this a dream? Is that my husbandperson and are we going to — never mind — speaking of mothers, mine is reading.)
The moms write on the group’s website (asterisks are by the group): “Last week’s issue of People magazine had the most disgusting ad on the inside front cover that we have ever seen Kraft produce. A full 2-page ad features a n*ked man lying on a picnic blanket with only a small portion of the blanket barely covering his g*nitals. It is easy to see what the ad is really selling.”
What are they selling? A dream or salad dressing? I don’t know, but the moms are urging fellow anti-picnic nappers to boycott Kraft: ”Christians will not be able to buy Kraft dressings or any of their products until they clean up their advertising.”
Kraft likely rubbed its hands together with glee before responding with this statement: “Our Kraft dressing’s ‘Let’s Get Zesty’ campaign is a playful and flirtatious way to reach our consumers. People have overwhelmingly said they’re enjoying the campaign and having fun with it.”
“Enjoying the campaign.” Yes, the campaign. That is the enjoyable thing about this whole situation. The campaign. Can’t stop looking at the campaign.