We’ve read our fair share of hilarious reviews for products that practically beg to become comedic fodder — remember the Bic Cristal for Her pen? It’s often those same reviews that make once irrelevant products relevant again, or at least bring to light the very many things for sale out there that make us wonder why anyone bothered selling them in the first place.
The Wall Street Journal lets its hair down a bit in a roundup of some of the most baffling products and their often giggle-worthy reviews. There are enough included to make us wonder when someone will simply round up all these reviews and churn out a coffee table book. And then someone can review it and suddenly, INCEPTION.
Let’s see, there’s A Million Random Digits With 100,000 Normal Deviates, which sells for $64.60 on Amazon and delves into the wide world of umm, numbers?
“Almost perfect,” said one reviewer. “But with so many terrific random digits, it’s a shame they didn’t sort them, to make it easier to find the one you’re looking for.”
A spokesman for the book’s publisher is baffled by the 1955 tome as well, admitting: “It’s a tool of some sort, but it’s beyond my clear understanding.”
Amazon doesn’t mind one bit, as a spokesperson tells the WSJ: “We are always amazed by the creativity of our customers.”
Here are a few notables, and please, for the love of all things jokey, send us any examples of real products with delightful reviews to us at firstname.lastname@example.org:
How to Avoid Huge Ships (second edition, of course), by John W. Trimmer: “I bought How to Avoid Huge Ships as a companion to Captain Trimmer’s other excellent titles: How to Avoid a Train, and How to Avoid the Empire State Building.”
Fresh Whole Rabbit: “When poached in Tuscan Milk there is no hare with which to compare. I’m thinking some sliced bananas would be a great garnish. If only I could slice them…”
The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China: “A current blockbuster best seller and a classic in the making, this analysis is beloved by children as well as adults, scholars as well as arm-chair travelers, the constipated as well as those who are decidedly not, and even those who can move their bowels regularly.”
These Products Are No Joke, But the Online Reviews Are [Wall Street Journal]