UPS may have lost to FedEx in the first round of the Worst Company In America competition, but the shipping giant is getting away relatively unscathed from a Dept. of Justice criminal probe into deliveries it made for illegal online pharmacies.

Big Brown has agreed to fork over $40 million, which happens to be the same amount it made off these shipments, and will not be charged in the case.

Additionally, the company crosses its heart and swears to do its best not to deliver drugs for these sketchy businesses ever again.

“We believe we have an obligation and responsibility to help curb the sale and shipment of drugs sold through illegal Internet pharmacies,” said a UPS spokesman, presumably while being forced to wear knee-length shorts. “UPS will pay a $40 million penalty and has agreed to enhance its compliance policies with respect to Internet pharmacy shippers.”

According to investigators at the DOJ, between 2003 and 2010, some UPS employees were fully aware the company was delivering controlled substances from “pharmacies” that shipped these items to buyers without prescriptions.

“Despite being on notice that this activity was occurring, UPS did not implement procedures to close the shipping accounts of Internet,” said Justice, adjusting its blindfold for comfort.

FedEx is apparently still under investigation in the matter. It has maintained that it has done nothing wrong, and says it isn’t even sure what laws UPS may have violated. A rep for the company says it has requested a list of suspected illegal pharmacies and will immediately stop doing business with those shippers if/when it receives such a list.

Meanwhile, Google has already agreed to $500 million to close a DOJ investigation into all the money it made off ads for these pharmacies.

UPS Pays $40 Million to End Illegal Drug Shipment Probe [Bloomberg]
UPS to Settle Web Pharmacy Case [WSJ]

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