Stadium To Encourage Urine-Covered Floors And Walls With ‘Video Game’ Urinals

We can't imagine that combining urinals, video games, and beer-drinking could be a cause for concern.

We can’t imagine that combining urinals, video games, and beer-drinking could be a cause for concern.

I’ve made no secret of my love for the Philadelphia Phillies organization, but I’m not exactly thrilled with the announcement that one of the team’s minor league affiliates has decided to become a guinea pig for a video game system that uses one’s urine stream as a game controller.

The folks at Coca-Cola Park in Allentown, PA, where the Triple-A Lehigh Valley IronPigs play, have announced the park will be what it claims is the world’s first sports venue to feature the interactive gaming consoles in all of the park’s men’s rooms starting this season.

“These games are sure to make a huge splash,” said the team’s General Manager, who we are going to assume doesn’t have to share a lavatory with possibly intoxicated fans who may have trouble hitting the mark when they’re not trying to control a video game with their urine.

In a release, the team describes the pee-to-play process:

When a user approaches the urinal, the video console flips into gaming mode, using patented technology that detects both his presence and stream. Algorithms then allow the user to engage with the screen by aiming in different directions to test their agility and knowledge. The games are 100% intuitive and custom-built to provide a unique user interface along with an easy and seamless experience.

It will take an average of 55 seconds to complete a game, which — while we haven’t timed anyone — seems a bit longer than most men need to relieve themselves.

And because everyone will be curious who the most accurate urinary gamer is, Coca-Cola Park will be displaying high scores in real time around the stadium. Something to make the family proud!

The games are being sponsored by the Lehigh Valley Health Network, which apparently thinks this will help educate men about prostate health.

“Baseball fans know all about RBI, ERA and OBP,” said an actual doctor who apparently thinks this is a good idea. “But when it comes to their own PSA (prostate-specific antigen), many men don’t have a clue. We see this game as a fun and unique opportunity to remind men about the importance of prostate health.”

We see this as a way to guarantee that fights break out in the bathroom when someone gets a little too into a game and pees all over his neighbor’s foot. We’re sure the clean-up staff at Coca-Cola Park is also thrilled at the notion.

The video below details how this how thing is supposed to work: