These Shoes Crush Hope For The Future Of Our Children Under Their Hidden, Bedazzled Heels

WARNING: If you want your hope for the future of our children to remain undimmed, you should probably stop reading this. Otherwise, the haunting jingle accompanying the commercial for “Daddy’s Money Secret Wedges” will stomp your vision of a world where everything isn’t focused on image, wealth and material goods into a dark, globby puddle of woe. 

In other words, this ad makes us very, very sad inside.

Unless you are totally down with the kids these days you might not know that some people, of the female persuasion mostly, are not only dissatisfied with being short, but also don’t want to let the entire world that they weren’t born vertically-blessed.

To combat that unfortunate condition, there’s a certain style of shoe that therefore “hides” a wedge heel inside a more casual high-top athletic sneaker*, allowing its wearer to appear cool, casual and nonchalant whilst simultaneously boosting said person up a few inches. Thus, a purported “high-maintenance” girl can appear to actually be “low-maintenance” as denoted by the wearing of sneakers. Fashion, right?

Even scarier, as Consumerist reader Barbara points out in an email tipping us off to this spectacle, is that girls as young as 10 can fit into a women’s size 5 shoe, which means they might get the idea that they should be tromping around in heels paid for by daddy, disguised though they may be in sneakers.

We’ll stop expounding on the train wreck our society is headed for as suggested by the existence of this footwear and let you get to to it. Remember, we warned you.

*In the spirit of full disclosure I must admit to having purchased a pair of similar shoes at a time in my life when I thought all was lost and that retail therapy would make it all better. That being said, I am not 12, used my own money and the shoes are tan and black and have been worn exactly twice.