Do All Retail/Restaurant Workers Have To Deal With Poo-Related Vandalism?

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I spent many a high school and college summer toiling behind the counter at Dairy Queen. But my particular DQ was a walk-up stand which meant no public restroom. And for this, so many years later, I am now very, very glad.

See, over at Reddit, what started as one person’s story of the horrors of working in the game room at Chuck E. Cheese’s has quickly turned into a collection of readers’ tales about… god help me for writing this… poop-smeared bathrooms.

Writes one commenter:

This is really common actually. I worked at Barnes and Noble and someone smeared shit all over the handicapped stall. Walls, ceiling, behind the toilet in places you could only get shit if you were actively smearing it with your hands. It is bizarre what some people do. What could possibly prompt people to smear their own shit all over the place at a business like Chuck-e-cheese or Barnes and noble?

Followed by:
“Yup, this happened when I worked at Target back around 1999.”
“I can confirm this happened when I worked at Starbucks in 2008 as well.”
“Happened at the Starbucks I worked at in 06, they wrote Dunkin on the wall with it.”
And our personal favorite:
“I was just at Buffalo Wild Wings last weekend. Happened there too, but they included footprints. The footprints weren’t in the shit though. It was like someone smeared shit on their shoe for the sole purpose of creating footprints.”

Since we know that many of you work or have worked in retailers and restaurants, we wanted to know just how common this is. Tell us in the comments — though, please, try to be as tactful as possible, which might be difficult given the nature of the topic.

And if you’ve ever worked in a store or restaurant with a public restroom, here’s a poll for you:

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. The Upright Man says:

    When I worked at Kohls, it use to happen quite a bit in the women’s dressing rooms.

    • MutantMonkey says:

      I sold suits at JC Penny’s for about 6 months after getting out of the service. In that short time and 1 Christmas Holiday, there were 4 separate incidences where someone #1′ed or #2′ed in the women’s dressing room and another dealing with what can only be described as a high flow incident.

      • Jack T Ripper says:

        I had a similar experience working maintenance at JC Penney. I’ve never found so much literal crap on the floors of the women’s restrooms in all my life. I would have expected that kind of thing in a truck stop restroom, but not the womens room at a department store. It happened on multiple occasions over the course of my six months there as well. Funny how nobody sticks around when they have to clean bodily fluids off mirrors and feces off the floors…

        • Robofish says:

          During bathing suit season at Old Navy a kid shit on the floor in a dressing room once. The parent actually covered it up with the bathing suit hygiene strips. Like 5 or 6 of them instead of alerting anyone to it. We didn’t figure it out until we tracked down the smell.

          Just follow your nose! *barf*

      • Yomiko says:

        JCPenney childrens’ department. Dirty diapers, pee on the floor. Monthly. Using small sentences so as not to relive the pain (more).

    • emmyceru says:

      Yep, my mother worked at the fitting rooms at Walmart for a while – several people defecated in them, one smeared it over the mirror. They would also have a guy that would use the room to masturbate. Sick people.

    • ThatTastesTerrible! says:

      I work at a local bank that has many older, confused customers. I swear, this guy came in every week and shit his pants in the lobby. He told me about his diarrhea while he shit his patns. Everyone could hear it. The cleaning people quit because he’d always proceed to the restroom and make a Pollock painting on every imaginable surface. I’m glad I don’t work in a nursing home, man.

      • mavrick67 says:

        A bank I worked at with a large elderly clientele had to remove wastepaper baskets from the safe deposit booths. It was because we were constantly finding other “deposits” made in them.

    • caradrake says:

      How the (bleep) does someone mistake a dressing room for a bathroom? Seriously, what is going through someone’s head when they decide to use the dressing room as their potty…

  2. dohtem says:

    Luckily I have never seen feces smeared in this way. But as I type this, I just know I jinxed something and it will fucking start happening around me….

  3. Cat says:

    I’ve seen it.
    Why? Just WHY?
    What the hell is wrong with you people?

  4. Don't Bother says:

    A few months ago, two girls peed in a corner of the Target I work at. I think it was supposed to be funny…?

    About a month later, some one stole underwear in the changing room. They put the store’s on and left his behind. Yes, it had poop in it.

    So, it yes. Shit does happen.

    • Don't Bother says:

      * “So yes.”

    • Necoras says:

      That last one I can… almost? understand. Maybe he accidentally crapped himself and was embarrassed?

      • Don't Bother says:

        Yeah, I can understand embarrassment. But at the end of the day, you’re favoring your own comfort over another human being. He could have politely asked for a Target bag and disposed of those dirty undies himself. Or if he was so paralyzed with shame, he could have sneaked out, snatched a bag, and rushed back to take care of the dirty work.

  5. George4478 says:

    It’s not vandalism, it’s art. Jackson Poollack, maybe.

    • Gman says:

      Off topic but relevant to your comment:
      I still wonder how the words “Jackson Pollock” and art can come to be in the same sentence. Except when talked about in terms similar to: “If my 2 year old can come home with random scribblings and hand paintings similar to the respected artist Jackson Pollock, then it is not art in the terms that skill, thought and meaning are involved in its creation”

      But this is my personal opinion and I fully understand and respect that others do believe his work is art. Good for them. But I won’t be paying that money for it.

      • RobertWBoyd says:

        You couldn’t afford it anyway. So win/win!

        • Gman says:

          Agreed! I got that new Michelangelo painting on pre-order. Want to make sure i can save up for it for when he finishes it. I was promised by the store clerk that i get an automatic upgrade to the limited edition version with unique clothing on the people in the picture.

          Should be finished any day now I hear…

      • ChunkyBarf says:

        For the record, George4478 added an extra “o” to get the word “Poo” in there, so I think it was meant sarcastically (or it is the best typo ever).

    • phonebem says:

      I’m thinking the aforementioned Target girls were a bit more Andy Warhol inspired…

  6. Firevine says:

    Cleaning the womens bathroom at Hobby Lobby was an exercise in mortal terror. I swear, people got in poo fights in there. How bad of a case of the trots do you have to have, for you to spray it eye level?

  7. sqeelar says:

    How about at the office. It happens. Monday morning was always a thrill when the weekend crew has done.

  8. dolemite says:

    I worked as the janitor for a department store. It didn’t happen every day, but vomit/poo/bodily fluids on the walls and floors happened more than I would have liked. 99% of the time in the women’s restroom. They’d also go through whole cubes of toilet paper in a day, and at the end of the day, it looked like a parade and gone through the restroom.

    I recall one time when the female associates snickered as I went in to do battle. I wondered what horrible thing I’d find today. I opened the middle stall….it looked like someone had loaded a bucket of liquid crap into a shotgun and shot the entire wall behind the toilet with both barrels. And I don’t mean butt-level, I mean like chest-high.

    And it’s always hilarious when certain politicians say the lower income people need to start pulling their weight. How about YOU go clean that bathroom Mr. Gingrich?

    • EarthAngel says:

      “And it’s always hilarious when certain politicians say the lower income people need to start pulling their weight. How about YOU go clean that bathroom Mr. Gingrich?”

      He’d have to. There’s no way the second graders would be able to reach that high. /s

    • crispyduck13 says:

      I think that’s the part that skeeves me out the most while reading these horrible stories: above ass-level poop. The sheer effort it would take just boggles my mind. Are these people using their hands to fling it? Are they pointing their asses at the wall and firing away? Why do so many people seem to get explosive diarrhea while in department stores and restaurants?

      On a slightly different level my husband would very much like to know why every public men’s restroom on the East Coast (so far) has a puddle of pee on the floor in front of the damn toilet.

      • Greg Ohio says:

        me.

      • Tiffymonster says:

        Well, the only time I would possibly consider using a public restroom for pooping would be if I had explosive diarrhea. I can count the number of times on one hand that I have had to use a public restroom for that and they have all been emergency situations. If you think about it, these women also probably want to squat instead of sitting down and leaning forward a bit that stuff can fly.

        How it gets on the walls, that I have no idea but at least I can kinda understand the floor and back of the stall. Even then you would think they would try and clean up after themselves. I mean if that happened to me I would be totally embarrassed and not leave until every last drop was cleaned up.

    • Jane_Gage says:

      I think women do it because they sometimes don’t go to college and get pregnant instead and get so sick of mopping up after other people they shit everywhere and laugh about someone else cleaning up after them for a change. And sometimes poor people think that they’re acting booshie if they can trick someone else into cleaning up after them.

    • HogwartsProfessor says:

      I wonder if a lot of it is kids in stores, because women take their younger kids into the bathroom with them. Say the kids make a mess and the mom is like “I’m not cleaning this up; they have employees to do that!” If it’s the adults, I think they need to be on a leash and wearing a diaper, not the kids!

  9. yellowdog says:

    Years ago I worked on the first floor of an office building. Our bathroom had a tendency to get used by anyone and everyone, not just the people who worked there.

    One day, as I pushed the restroom door open, my nose was assaulted with a seriously bad odor. Normally, you’d expect a restroom to not exactly smell the greatest, especially if someone had just unloaded, but this was something more. It had a sinister, evil feel about it.

    As I walked towards a stall, the smell got progressively worse. I remember thinking: “Man, did an animal come in here to die?”

    I reached the stall, pushed the door open, and was greeted with a nightmarish sight that still haunts me to this day. Someone had needed to use the toilet really, really badly. And they had gotten maybe half of it in the water, 1/4 on the seat, and 1/4 on the floor. Big, thick chunks of feces were arrayed across the seat. They hadn’t bothered flushing, and the water was a hideous stew of fecal matter, urine, and disintegrating toilet paper. The stench was unreal.

    But the worst – the absolute, stomach-churning worst – was the blood. That’s right, this same person had BLED all over the seat, into the water, and also onto the floor. There were wads of bloody toilet paper everywhere. The whole stall looked like a serious biohazard scene, like you’d need to have men in full-on moon suits and respirators in there to decontaminate everything.

    I gagged and nearly threw up, and hastily left the bathroom. To this day, I wonder what sort of person in what sort of terrible medical condition had done that. I also feel very bad for the poor janitorial people who no doubt had to clean the mess. Nobody should get paid so little to deal with such a nightmare.

    • dolemite says:

      I’d feel like I need a Biohazard suit to clean that up…but knowing from experience…management would probably give the person a half a roll of paper towels and some windex.

      • LadyTL says:

        Nope, for any kind of human waste they have to give them a ton of stuff (gloves, goggles etc.) or they can be sued for exposing their worker to a heath hazard.

        • dolemite says:

          That would have been great to know as a 16 year old. No…I begged for gloves on numerous occasions and was denied every time.

          • TheHalfWit says:

            Thank goodness for OSHA, without them they would still be able to do that. Now if you complain to OSHA the buisness faces massive fines.

    • wiggie2gone says:
      • humphrmi says:

        Given the context of the conversation here, I’m afraid you’re going to have to describe what’s on the other side of that shortened link before I click on it. Especially at work.

      • Donathius says:

        Just Robert Downey Jr making a grossed out face. Nothing nasty.

    • working class Zer0 says:

      Sounds like someones asshole exploded. It’s rare and usually happens after someone realizes it’s been about two weeks since they shit last. So they search the internet for remedies. They try one and after an hour nothing happens so they move on to the next one. This goes on for a day or two when all of a sudden the dam starts to break loose. The volume and pressure are so intense it causes shredding of the anus, hence the bloody, chunky discharge. If you would have taken a closer look you could have seen pieces of small intestine in the mix.

    • WhenPigsFly says:

      Trainspotting bathroom + 4 weeks fecal impaction + hours of bowel straining = above bloody toilet massacre.

    • theconversationalist says:

      Sounds like someone with a really active Crohn’s disease. It’s really nasty stuff, but why they didn’t clean up, I’ll never know. That’s gross.

  10. SporadicBlah says:

    I worked 11 years in public education and 3 in retail. It happened frequently in both places. As a retail manager I cleaned my fair share of shit covered walls and toilets. I never made my employees do anything I wouldn’t do myself. My solution was to eventually lock the public restrooms and escort those that requested the facilities checking behind each one. Was a small store so it was easy to police.

  11. Agozyen says:

    I remember working at a certain chain restaurant that rhyme’s with Robs Rig Roy and remember the manager blocking off the women’s restroom because someone had smeared crap everywhere…and I mean everywhere.

    I also remember seeing a human turd in the middle of the aisle at a CompUSA once.

    • Cat says:

      So, you say saw your congressman in CompUSA? Is that even human?

    • framitz says:

      “I also remember seeing a human turd in the middle of the aisle at a CompUSA once.”

      Not sure why, but this line cracked me up.

      thanks for the laugh!

      • Velvet Jones says:

        This whole article is making me almost vomit in my mouth but this comment does remind me of a story my friend told me about 20 years ago. He worked at a large grocery store for about two years. He said about once a week they would find a turd or two laying in the middle of the aisle. One day he sees this old guy kind of shaking his one leg, like he is trying to knock something out of his pants. Sure enough, a second late a big turd drops from his pant leg. The guy then started to walk away. My friend called the store detective and they boot the old guy out and told him never to come back. Every time they did find a turd they always found the newest bagger to clean it up. Tough luck being the low man on the totem poll.

  12. clippy2.0 says:

    I had a short stint at macy’s, just under a year. In that time, I had at least a half dozen people pissing in the changing rooms, and 2 different folks talking a dump. So yeah, it happens

  13. MaytagRepairman says:

    I remember this old SNL skit where this guy was being interviewed who claimed to be the first person to walk into a gas station bathroom and whiz every where except the toilet, and that is the reason why you now have to get a key tied to large object to use the restroom at gas stations.

  14. sponica says:

    odds are there’s mental illness involved…i mean sane people don’t tend to do impolite things with their waste

    i encountered two types of waste…lazyass parents who put a dirty diaper BEHIND some board games. I mean really, you went through all that effort to prob change your kid in the store and HIDE the diaper and it was just too much to go down the hallway to the mall bathrooms?

    a large soda cup with pee in it at the movie theater…although that was my coworker who found that one. i can’t remember if it was the same night where a man was orally pleasured by his female companion in the theater (um, movie theater customers, why oh why didn’t you get management on that one? we only discovered it when we went in to CLEAN the theater)

  15. Krazycalvin says:

    I feel terrible for it, i swear… but this one time as a kid I got a random nose bleed and went into the bathroom of a dairy queen and let the blood drip all over the place. After that I dipped my finger in some of the blood and wrote “Help me” on the mirror. A friend came in the bathroom to make sure I was alright and he laughed his ass off.

  16. AstroWorn2010 says:

    Years ago I worked for FedEx Kinkos, I was stuck on weekend shifts and several times we were hit by what we called The Phantom Shitter. This person would go in the Men’s room and create a mess so intense that it looked like chocolate icing on a cake, it was on the walls, the celing, the floor. It happened at least twice a month, sometimes more. We all were aware of the Phantom, but we never caught him. Management wouldn’t allow us to lock the restroom doors as they didn’t want to upset the corporate office if a customer complained that the restrooms were not available. So we all took turns on shit duty, I wonder if the Phantom Shitter is still out there doing his work?

    • crispyduck13 says:

      You weren’t supposed to keep the Phantom Shitter out, you were to be the Shitter!

      • AstroWorn2010 says:

        Funny, I transfered to a store near Yellow Springs Ohio very close Dave Chappelle’s farm. In fact he came in once, nice guy. We would often wonder and joke if that store was the inspiration of the sketch?

    • Fubish says: I don't know anything about it, but it seems to me... says:

      We had a Phantom Shitter in high school. Every now and then somebody would leave a steaming pile in the middle of a corridor, in a desk, on a desk, on the stairs, in the swimming pool, in the middle of the gym, in an empty locker, and on and on and on. It went on for three years and he/she was never caught.

  17. Costner says:

    I worked at ShopKo in high school (think of a more depressing version of Walmart if that is possible) and we had a woman come in every single day and take a dump on the floor of the women’s restroom. Seriously – it happend three or four days in a row at around the same time.

    Finally they started watching the restroom during that time and verified who it was. The managers basically banned her from the store.

    In my current office environment people don’t generally poop outside of the actual commode, but I do see a lot of boogers smeared on the walls of the stall for some reason. Even see it above the urinal.

    What makes someone do this kind of thing! WHY????? The people who do this kind of thing should be banned from civilized society. I could actually support a law that would brand them on their foreheads and they would be forced to use a non-heated outhouse.

    • Bardiel says:

      I had a family in my neighborhood who would all stop on the sidewalk and drop their pants and deuce as cars went by. The cops said don’t worry about them their from some Asian country. It kind of shocked the car of people who went by and barely missed a tree.

      • darcmosch says:

        This, a hundred times this. It is quite a shocker walking down the street and seeing turds all over it. You first think it’s cute that little boys and girls wear little splitter pants, until you see why they have them. Ugh.

  18. Krazycalvin says:

    Sometimes the poo on the walls isn’t vandalism at all. Sometimes the person is just so fat that when they sit down on the toilet the only opening is the top of the crack of their ass and it creates a poo shoot that sprays that out. Had somebody explain that to me one time when I questioned the diarrhea sprayed all over the walls of the bathroom.

    • ClemsonEE says:

      Thanks for such a horrible mental image!

    • MrMagoo is usually sarcastic says:

      OK, I’m sorry, but there are some things you should just keep to yourself. Now every time I see a fat person going into the restroom, I’m going to think about your comment.

      Thanks a lot.

    • hackeynut says:

      As a fat person I can assure you this isn’t true.

      • dolemite says:

        I don’t think it’s true either. We had some HUGE shoppers, and the incidents of poop on the walls was rare. If it were true that all fat people couldn’t fit on the toilet, I expect I would have seen the “poop everywhere” problem on a daily basis instead of maybe 1-2 times a month.

      • iblamehistory says:

        Yeah, I’m fat, and not once have I ever had trouble keeping it all in the toilet under ANY circumstances. Same can’t be said for the dumb broads who pee all over the toilet seat instead of IN the toilet, though.

        I can assure you that us fatties still have cracks that function just like the one carved into your size 00 behind.

    • shepd says:

      I’m afraid you’ve had your leg pulled. And considering the contortions required to make such a mess, or worse, the standing on the toilet required, you’re not going to find a lot of 300 lbs people doing that. It’s just too must effin’ effort.

  19. raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

    It happened to the Waldenbooks where I worked, but luckily, I was off that day.

  20. Cat says:

    This is going to be the most disturbing thread ever to make its way to Consumerist.

    • LadySiren is murdering her kids with HFCS and processed cheese says:

      I LOL’d loudly at the photo (or lack thereof). I don’t know why it struck me as so funny, but it got me giggling.

  21. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    I’ve yet to hear any, ANY kind of explanation as to why someone would do this.

  22. nbs2 says:

    Innocent woman take advantage of’ers, child molestors, theater talkers, and poo people?

  23. SporadicBlah says:

    Anyone else ever notice it’s WOMENs restrooms are usually more nasty than mens restrooms?

    • TerpBE says:

      Guys sit; women hover.

      • oloranya says:

        Paranoid women hover. I’m a woman, I don’t hover, because it’s moronic. What, do they think they’re going to get AIDS from a toilet seat? Really now? Grow the fuck up and sit your ass down on the toilet like an adult.

        • jasonq says:

          Or at very worst, if you’re a total germophobe, take a little travel-pack of Clorox wipes with you and santize the seat, handle, etc. before you plunk yer butt down. Geez.

          People – all of us – are covered in bacteria. Our midsections are covered in coliform bacteria. It’s just The Way Things Are.

    • Tyanna says:

      Being a woman and walking into some of the terrible horrible messes that other women leave behind in bathroom stalls I honestly wonder about my gender at times.

      Christ on a tricycle, we SIT to piss! How the hell is there pee everywhere?!?!?! Flushing a toilet isn’t that hard. And why, for the love of all that is holy, is there poo on the floor?

      *sigh*

    • gnoswal says:

      When I worked at a chain steak house many moons ago yes, the womens room was always worse then the mens. I always assumed it was because it was more women that took their kids in with them. And yes, I can remember several poop related incidents.

    • CoachTabe says:

      I lived in a co-ed dorm w/community bathrooms in college and once asked the cleaning staff who was messier, the guys or the girls. They said the girls – by a LOOOOOOOONG way. Not even close.

    • Earl Butz says:

      Yes.

    • Joseph S Ragman says:

      … NOT true!

    • BorkBorkBork says:

      It’s almost always worse with women.

      I worked at a hotel-style lodge and I always dreaded when all-women groups would show up. They’d only stay for the weekend, but come Monday when we’d clean, it was a disaster.

      First, there was always hair – EVERYWHERE. Big ol lumps of hair in the sink, counters, tub. LIke a family of wookies spent the night.

      Toothpaste sprayed all over the mirror, makeup on the counters, piss on the seat (women…why?!), on an on it goes.

      Remind me why us guys get so much flack from them?

      • HogwartsProfessor says:

        “LIke a family of wookies spent the night.”

        This made me cry laughing. Thanks for the giggle! (I also love your username. Chef!)

    • Tangurena says:

      Having worked in retail, this is true. I have no clue why. One roommate was a manager at a clothing store that catered to female teens, occasionally I’d come help her when her staff didn’t show up. The bathrooms would get worse than in stores that sold to both sexes. I have no clue why. I stopped helping her out after the second crap-everywhere incident.

    • Vivienne says:

      As a transexual woman, I have seen a pretty good cross section of both gender’s restrooms.

      Here is my take on the dilemma: Day-in / Day-out, the men’s room is just filthy disgusting yuck. From 2 seconds after it has been cleaned, until the janitor shows up to clean it the next time, the place is just ick. But it is almost ALWAYS that way. Usually nothing overtly foul, but just grundgy, dirty, unclean, smelly, ick. When something goes wrong in the men’s room, it isn’t that much of a difference from the regular condition of the men’s room.

      The Women’s room in contrast, is USUALLY relatively clean. Relatively being the operative word. It is still a public bathroom, but I usually don’t get creeped out going into one. Hell, in maybe 10% of the ladies rooms I visit, there are flowers on the counter. HOWEVER – when something goes wrong in the ladies room, it goes horribly, unspeakably, unfathomably wrong.

      Nothing could have prepared me for the time I walked into a stall, turned around, closed the door, and was greeted by 2 bloody hand prints. Ladies, we all have bodily functions that we need to take care of, we are adults and we understand, but when you leave a stall, it should NEVER look like a crime scene.

      Don’t get me started on the difference in the graffiti.

  24. FreeMarketFan says:

    Worked back at a Kentucky Fried Chicken about 12 years ago and I remember we had to rotate whose turn it was to clean the bathrooms.

    I entered the woman’s restroom and my lord I don’t know how someone made that mess. I made it clear that it wasn’t going to happen. I was in highschool at the time and didn’t need the money that bad. The manager made a stink about it, but in the end I didn’t clean it.

    Ended up quitting that job a few months later for greener pastures. That was the last time I worked somewhere that had a public bathroom. It also made me realize that college would be a good idea.

  25. decisivelyindecisive says:

    it’s actually a disease that afflicts more women than men:

    Voluntary and Involuntary Encopresis is an elimination disorder that involves repeatedly having bowel movements in inappropriate places after the age when bowel control is normally expected. Encopresis is also called “soiling” or “fecal incontinence.” Often feces is smeared in an obvious place, although sometimes it is hidden around the house.

    …but many cases may be just copy-cat type crimes.

  26. donovanr says:

    Apple Barrel. A former restaurant in Halifax that specialized in food for people coming from the bars. I ventured into their bathroom once 3 am Friday night and it was like a bad horror movie where someone had exploded covering everything with poop and blood. There was no way to navigate to the toilet or urinals without wrecking one’s shoes. This was a fair sized bathroom too. Too bad it was before the days of camera phones or this would now be an internet meme.

  27. Leela says:

    I work at an elementary school and we have to deal with poop-related vandalism, both from the students and people who live in the surrounding area. I should say, the custodian has to deal with it. It’s not in my job description.

  28. Raekwon says:

    I worked in a hotel where it was semi common. Coke employee retreats were the worst followed by anything with lots of High School athletes and then Phish fans. Granted the Phish fans often smelled like they came pre-covered in poop so it may have not been on purpose.

  29. Corinthos says:

    Once when I worked as sears a guy popped a turd out his pant leg in hardware and then walked away like nothing was wrong and continued shopping. A coworker and I couldn’t stop laughing for about 10 minutes.

    I worked at an ice cream place in high school and a lady exploded shit all over the wall. Then flooded the toilet and she stopped it up. The explosion some how was at least 4 feet up the wall. The lady wasn’t even a paying customer because she came in the door and went straight to the bathroom then about ten minutes later she left the bathroom and ran straight out the door. The store owner had to come clean it up because we were making minimum wage and threatened to quit before we’d clean it up. Once she got there she closed the store 3 hours early and called a cleaning crew.

  30. hackeynut says:

    I worked at a Books a Million where someone took a dump in the urinal. That one baffled me.

    • nugatory says:

      Mystery of the Urinal Deuce come to life. That was a rofl episode.

    • Tegan says:

      Heh, apparently someone did that at our office last week. My boyfriend came out of the restroom giggling, telling me that someone had taken a dump in the urinal and had taken special care to cover it up with a paper towel. We work in a standard corporate office building that’s not open to the public, so it had to have been someone who works here.

    • JeremieNX says:

      Books a Million in Florida? I recall hearing from a BAM employee in Florida years ago a story about that exact infraction.

    • Fubish says: I don't know anything about it, but it seems to me... says:

      It was probably a midget.

    • WhenPigsFly says:

      Was his name Ishmael Boorg from Kingpin?

  31. patrick bateman says:

    I used to work at Circuit City and once during a Black Friday someone evacuated their bowels on the floor and smeared it all over the stall and on the flush handle and stall handle

  32. Bama92 says:

    I worked at an auto parts store while in college. One day a jogger came in wearing nothing but white shorts and asked if he could use our bathroom. We first told him no be he said he really had to go so we directed him toward the backroom. A little later he came out and a customer I was helping said someone must of scared the sh!t out of that boy. I look up and see the jogger has a large brown stain on his bottom. He wasn’t wearing a shirt so he had nothing to hide it with during the jog home.

    A little later one of our employees yelled from the back for all of us to come look. The jogger had dropped his soiled underwear in the floor of the bathroom and left them. Yuck!

  33. SamiJ says:

    Working in a public library, someone left a (very very large, non-child size) grumpy in the children’s shelving, behind the first readers books.

  34. framitz says:

    The worst thing I had to deal with at Howard Johnson’s was having to wake up a drunk who had fallen asleep with his face in his plate of spaghetti. But that was more funny than gross.

    Oh, and that time when I was cleaning the lady’s restroom and a woman came it and went right to her business and told me not to worry about it. I was 18 and slightly freaked out at the time. Again more funny than gross.

  35. GameHen says:

    This is a story the facilities manager told me at the place I used to work.

    First to set the stage: this is a secure office building. The only people allowed access work for a single company. These are 99% white collar professionals with an average salary of $75K. Nearly everyone is college educated and this particular restroom was located near a sub-section of some of the most highly educated people in the building; many were PhDs.

    In one of the many men’s restrooms, someone started taking a giant dump each day that would clog the toilet – the same toilet each time. This restroom has 3 toilet stalls (remember this). Facilities would fix it and then next day it would happen again. This went on for about a week until the toilet just died (I assume of despair).

    Facilities cleaned up the mess and put an out of order sign on the stall door. The next day, same toilet got used again – big mess. Facilities cleans it up and locks the stall door. The next day, the person CRAWLS UNDER the stall door and does it again. They disconnect the toilet this time. He does it again in the dry unhooked toilet!! This went on for a few more days until they removed the toilet all together and then he craps on the floor!!

    Last I heard, they were setting up surveillance outside the restroom to try to catch the bastard based on timing. I’m not sure how it turned out.

    • Kate says:

      O_o

    • caradrake says:

      What the hell did the toilet do to that person?

    • marlathetourist says:

      This reminds me of what happened to my best friend a couple of years ago while she was the office manager of a very large home loan company (sounds like: Skank of America). This particular branch is in one of if not the richest county in the country.

      One morning she came into the office and found an email from the cleaning company that the cleaners had every night found one garbage can in the office filled with urine. Every night there was one and finally the cleaning lady couldnt take it any more and complained. There were two weird things about this: first the garbage can was literally filled with urine and secondly it was always a different garbage can. The funny part was the part where the cleaners took a picture of one lady holding up the bag of urine from the garbage can pointing to it.

      They never found out who it was but they had a pretty good idea it was one of the loan officers who worked weird hours and stayed late a lot. He was also the top earner for the office so when she contacted corporate about what to do they pretty much told her to let it slide.

    • Jane_Gage says:

      One man. One toilet. A civilization and a janitorial staff trying to keep them apart.

    • dangermike says:

      I must be disturbed. I thought that was actually pretty funny.

      • HogwartsProfessor says:

        I did too! Especially that bit about the toilet dying of despair.

        If the poster finds out who did it, they HAVE to tell us!

    • WhenPigsFly says:

      Where’s Groundskeeper Willy when you need him??

    • jerry101 says:

      *sniff* *sniff*. I smell bull….ummmmm… You know

  36. missy070203 says:

    also happened when I worked at a gas station in high school …. and almost daily when I worked at a Walmart during my college years….

  37. BooCackles says:

    I had someone “drop the bomb” at a garage sale. It was nasty! We had a customer come up and say a dog had pooped in the driveway, but I don’t know of any dogs that eat that much corn (or poop that much). Between that and the people who were stealing from me, I quit holding garage sales. No amount of brain bleach can make that image or smell go away…YUCK!!!

  38. mrm514 says:

    We called it Code Brown at Best Buy.

  39. Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

    I worked as a janitor, night shift, for an electronics company. Even without the fecal matter the women’s restroom was sickening. Adding rotting blood to the equation and all the women trying to ‘hover’ just seemed to make it three times as bad as the men’s room.

    • Tiffymonster says:

      THANK YOU!
      I have serious issues with public restrooms in most places because they are downright disgusting and you just capsulized it perfectly. Men constantly argue with me that a womens restroom could never be as bad as the mens room but seriously, between the squatting and the blood and the toilet paper everywhere, its vile!

  40. MickeyMoo says:

    Chevron station when I was 18. The ladies room. OH MY GOD. (shudder)

  41. MadMatter77 says:

    My boss used to work for Disney in Orlando when he was younger. At the employee bathrooms one day, he was walking by, and he saw a bunch of security guys and other people at the men’s bathroom. There was also yellow caution tape setup. When he peeked his head in the bathroom he saw the words “The Mad Sh*tter Is Back!” smeared on the wall with poo. Apparently this guy had done this quite a bit in the past and was starting up again. They had guys in there collecting samples and evidence to try to catch the guy… My boss has all kinds of crazy stories about working there.

  42. MacRtst says:

    I worked at a turnpike fast food rest area one summer, in high school. It happened 4 times in three months. I can’t, for the life of me figure out what would posses people to do something like that. It has to be one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen.

    I had NO IDEA, it was this “common”

    I would honestly love to meet one of these people. Rub their face in it, and say “NO”

    • MacRtst says:

      I failed to mention what they did…

      They would honestly write on the wall with poo. signs symbols. words. it would take me forever to clean it up.

  43. Outrun1986 says:

    I have no idea how it happens, but it does and I do believe it after working at my university and having to call maintenance numerous time for clean up in the restroom for this exact reason. This was a few years ago too so its not like this is something that has cropped up in the past few months. Again I really have no idea how it happens as I have been using public restrooms for a long time and have NEVER once gotten anything on the wall.

    Perhaps I can understand at CEC where there are a lot of kids, but rarely did a child walk into the part of the university where I was working.

  44. AtlantaCPA says:

    As horrifying as all of this is, I find myself hitting refresh to see if more stories have been added in the last 30 seconds…

    • Spaghettius! says:

      +100! I’m trying to stifle my giggles at work. I had no idea this was so pervasive! Ew, who are these people??

      • AtlantaCPA says:

        Please let this article end up with more comments than a government, taxes, or breastfeeding article! I have to know all the stories!

    • McRib wants to know if you've been saved by the Holy Clown says:

      Yup. Reading this and going ‘Oh my god’ is kind of addictive.

  45. aja175 says:

    My partner works at a starbucks in SF, he comes home all the time complaining about people smearing it all over the walls in the bathroom, the sink, completely missing the toilet, it’s horrifying. Makes me happy I have a desk job in a cubicle jungle.

  46. PolarDan says:

    Regarding the lack of appropriate photo for this story, I would have used Winnie the Pooh.

    As a child, I couldn’t figure out why there was a kids show and stuffed animal named for a bodily function…

  47. friendlynerd says:

    I worked at Pier 1 and saw this once. PIER 1! Is no place sacred?

  48. Orrie says:

    Have I seen it in random, strange places that seem too public or too close to a restroom to make sense? Sure, grocery store aisles, abandoned diapers, sidewalks, that sort of thing. But never smeared or sprayed around beyond where it could fall naturally or be tossed negligently. That’s just bizarre.

    Now, the occasional (and I do mean occasional, like two or three times in my life) abandoned piece of bloody clothing in the street, THAT freaks me out. My city has a fairly high violent crime rate per capita, but that still doesn’t explain gore-soaked (male) underwear or t-shirt in the gutter, with no additional sign of disturbance anywhere nearby…

    • HogwartsProfessor says:

      Either they were fighting or fucking, and things got ugly and they just left it in the street. That would be my guess. I think that would freak me out too, though. People are animals sometimes.

    • finbar says:

      Got back to work last week and my boss pointed out bloody footprints in front of the office. Apparently some dude had gotten very injured and than walked several blocks before finding help or whatever. Creepy, forcing me to re-evaluate moving closer to work.

  49. The Lita says:

    Someone pooped in the middle of the floor in the men’s room of one of the Speedways I worked at (I was a co-manager and got passed around to a lot of different stores).

    And I don’t mean “Oops, I missed the toilet” middle of the floor either.

  50. CPC says:

    I once worked at a now-defunct electronics store. One day, the manager told me someone took a crap in the bathroom floor. He wasn’t kidding. A foot to the left of the toilet, there was a HUGE pile in the floor, with toilet paper on top! Either they were blind, or did it just for the hell of it. Yes, I had to clean it up…

  51. PsychoRaven says:

    Oh yes Anyone that’s worked in the service sector has stories to tell about poo. I’ll never forget the time I worked a convenience store. The day I spent cleaning a bathroom that looks like someone exploded inside of it. Every inch from top to bottom covered in it. I still have nightmares to this day.

  52. RavenWarrior says:

    What I see isn’t quite the same, but it’s just as annoying: people take a dump and then stuff the toilet with so much paper it can’t flush. I have no idea how people can be that disgusting and inconsiderate in public.

    • nugatory says:

      I’ve seen the exact opposite. Fill the toilet with paper so it won’t flush, then took a dump on their lovely little paper nest.

  53. tungstencoil says:

    My story:

    Back in high school, my second week at a fast-food restaurant, someone “decorated” the bathroom. The manager came at me with gloves, rags, and a mop/bucket and explained what happened and that I needed to clean it.

    When she walked away, I turned toward one of my co-workers and said, “I’m not doing it. I will quit, which means you’re going to do it AND be short-staffed the rest of the shift. You need to do this.”

    Surprisingly, he did. Win!

  54. winstonthorne says:

    Here’s my horror story: SMEARS ON A PLANE!

    I was only a passenger (not an employee), but I have a lot of sympathy for whoever had to actually clean it up. About 45 minutes into our six-hour return flight from Heathrow to JFK, my party noticed a certain odor (beyond the usual airplane stench). After blaming it on each other in turn, we came to the conclusion that it must in fact be someone around us. It kept getting worse…and worse…and worse.

    An hour after initially smelling it, a member of my party had to use the lavatory. She returned to her seat green-faced, and explained (in hushed tones) that we had all been incorrect in assuming that someone around us had shit him/herself in his/her seat. Rather, someone had shat in the little airplane sink in the little airplane bathroom and smeared it on the FLOOR, WALLS, AND CEILING of said watercloset. There was no pattern, rhyme, or reason – just poop.

    The flight attendant, having been alerted to the situation, locked that bathroom for the remaining THREE+ hours of the flight.

    People are gross. The end.

  55. Worstdaysinceyesterday says:

    Computer City mid 90′s (remember those) in aisle twice, dirty diapers ‘hidden’ in store a few times, in bathrooms a few times.
    Not to mention the grossness and critters IN the computers brought in for repair. (Or the awkward-ness when people with naked pictures of themselves on the computer came to pick them up from repair.)
    But oddly enough only one dead cockroach.

  56. crap it's jenn says:

    Sigh. I’ve unfortunately experienced this way too much for my short (almost) 28 years.

    I worked the night shifts (bar rush) at a fast food place for about a year in college. At 11, we’d close the lobby and be open to drive through only. It was slow for the first hour, so we’d always clean bathrooms then. We had someone who’d come in every night, right before we locked the doors, and piss in the trash can in the men’s room. Ever goddamned night.

    I currently work a part time retail job in addition to my full time job. The store I work at (thank God) has no public restroom. However our handicapped dressing room appears to be a great place for people to leave dirty diapers and used maxi pads. And the maxi pad? Found it rolled up in the pocket of a pair of jeans someone tried on.

    Lastly…I worked as a lifeguard when I was in high school. We saw it all. Shit, puke, pee, nasty tampons. It was on the floor, the bathroom stall walls, the showers, the changing areas or our personal favorites, on the pool deck (bleach and a hose cleaned that up) and IN the pool. Had to get out the net and flush the little turds. My co-workers loved it, because we had to close the pool and superchlorinate (read: put a shit ton, pun intended, of chlorine in the pool to kill any bacteria that the poo may have left behind). I was the asshole that pointed out to my college age co-workers that this was going to result in less beer money on their next paycheck.

  57. gspdark1 says:

    I’ve decided that people lose all common sense in a public setting. If you don’t do it at home, why would you do it in public? Something as simple as not flushing. Do you not flush when you are home?

  58. Earl Butz says:

    Every foodservice job I’ve worked – and that’s three – yeah, it’s happened. I don’t know what the f**k is wrong with someone that would make them do that, but it happens far more than it should (hint: it should never happen at all).

  59. gspdark1 says:

    I’ve decided that people lose all common sense in a public setting. If you don’t do it at home, why would you do it in public? Something as simple as not flushing. Do you not flush when you are home?

  60. JohnEl says:

    I’ve seen it dropped into a urinal 3 different times, at a public pool, at a rink and in an office where I worked. Who does this $#it?
    More common and just as strange is boogers wiped on a the wall around a urinal. I first noticed it in high school when someone drew a circle around one and wrote “this has been here all year”.
    Once I notice one I can’t help but keep looking for it every time I use the toilet, some of them last for years.

  61. peggysister says:

    It happened at a nuclear plant. A electrician smeared his poo and was caught.
    You’d be surprised what people do in public knowing someone else will clean up behind them.

  62. marlathetourist says:

    What I dont understand is how so many people can be so mentally ill as to smear poop with their hands all over a public bathroom while also being so crafty as to not get caught. What kind of bizarro super power is this?

  63. Smilodon says:

    I’ve had to deal with this myself. Back in the early nineties I worked for Friendly’s doing food prep and clean up. One day the manager came to me and told that if I wouldn’t do it, he’d understand and he would do it but would I clean up the mess in the men’s room. He then took me to the stall and showed me what I would have to clean up. There were feces smeared all over it. On the seat, the walls, all over everything. A big feces thumb print on the top of the door was the final tough. I told him I’d take care of it and cleaned it up but I swore I would never do that again. There is nothing nastier. It makes you feel like you can never wash enough.

  64. Joseph S Ragman says:

    Listen … you just don’t wanna know what people who play with shit are capable of …

    Disclaimer: I clean up after people for a living … some of them LOVE to play with shit!

  65. thatfunkylady says:

    Between the idiots who hover over the seat (seriously, wtf!) and stupid teenagers acting like assholes there’s always shit galore in my Sears’ bathroom. And occasionally in the dressing rooms too….

  66. dangermike says:

    Dear The Consumerist,

    You already have a perfectly appropriate and lolsy imagine in your archives. Please refer to http://consumerist.com/2008/06/rocky-mountain-chocolate-factory-refuses-bathroom-access-to-5-year-old-who-then-has-diarrhea-in-fron.html

    I would recommend using this as the topic photo at least a few times a year. It still amuses me, so many years later.

    Thank you,
    DM

  67. serke says:

    The one and only time I went to the girl’s bathroom in high school, one stall had no door, and the other have a used sanitary napkin on the back of the toilet seat.

    I also don’t understand the toilet seat hover-ers. If they don’t have those disposable seat covers, lay some TP down. YOU are the reason other people can’t sit down, when you get your business on the seat.

  68. tinyangel says:

    worked for a company that also housed a call center. During the night shift they would crap in the plants or on the floor, smear feces and used tampons/pads all over the women’s bathrooms. I stopped using the bathrooms there and would leave the building to use restrooms at nearby restaurants… they were cleaner :/

  69. DarkPsion says:

    Happened at the Hardware store,… they got it on the ceiling, how do you get it on the ceiling?

    I told my boss, “If I clean up this mess, you get to clean up the one I make.”

    The worst one was when someone clogged up the urinal with toilet paper. I poured some drain cleaner and a chemical cloud came out. They had soaked the toilet paper in some bleach as a trap.

    My sinuses were clear for a month.

  70. mbz32190 says:

    I used to work at a place that rhymes with “Legmans”…. (an extremely high volume, 120,00 sq. ft grocery store) as a janitor. For whatever reason,they put the bathrooms right by the entrance for everyone to use coming and going (and people would drive from an hr or so away to shop here!. Never personally any large amounts of poo in the walls, but the women would tear that place apart. Every two hours, all the toilet paper would be gone. Paper towels jammed everywhere spewing out of the trash cans. The counter would have soap all over it, makeup in the sink, feminine hygiene bins filled with dirty diapers/underwear and stolen pregnancy tests (or mini alcohol bottles)…pretty much anything you could mess up in the bathroom, would be.

    The worst has got to be one Thanksgiving day I was stuck working. Get a call of a clogged toilet in the men’s room. Now the plumbing in this store was horrible and stuff was always overflowing. Anyway, as I plunge the one stall, literal shait shoots out of the adjoining toilet all over the place (luckily just about all of it went in the other direction and not at me. The whole bathroom was covered in a few inches of shaitwater :x. I managed to clean it…it was not pretty.This store had two sets of customer bathrooms and a few employee bathrooms as well :. I somehow put up with that shait for 4 years (and this was just the bathrooms.oh god so many more horrible stories dealing with the garbage) until I got fired for a pretty minor incident..nothing bathroom related).

  71. Rachacha says:

    I have never seen poo vandalism, but at a local high end restaurant I used to work at used tampon/pad vandalism happened quite frequently.

  72. Marike says:

    Worked in college and public libraries for almost 10 years. Usually once a week, there’d be an incident with someone smearing feces all over a stall, someone pooping in a corner, someone pooping all over a toilet, etc.

    One of the public libraries (in rural Illinois) finally started locking the bathrooms so patrons had to ask for a key. They hoped it’d stop the ick, but no such luck. I think all it did was provide people with a private session to make a huge mess since we only had 1 key per bathroom.

  73. Tamena says:

    Tractor Supply checking in…
    it’s unbelievable what people will do with poo =(

  74. Kuri says:

    With all the people asking why, I kind of have a theory.

    With the “Or else you’ll be flipping burgers” attitude, I think in some cases people were kind of trained or conditioned to see janitorial or service workers as beneath them, meaning to some otherwise nice people it’s ok to abuse them and leave nasty messes for them to clean up, or they might even find it funny, as mentioned about high-schoolers.

    • Kuri says:

      I’ll add I think it’s also that ‘It’s their job anyway/it’s not my” job attitude, or that they know they won’t personally have to clean it up.

    • Snip says:

      Actually, I did not generally find this to be the case at the upper class establishments where I cleaned. It was always the pools in the bad neighborhoods. I guess they felt like they had to be able to shit on somebody in life. Weird how the different classes treat you when you’re a cleaning lady. Rich folks treat you like walking furniture, middle class folks treat you like they want to be your best friend when you know they really don’t (and which is all kinds of weird and inappropriate, please stop doing that) and poor folks treat you lower than dirt, I guess because if you’re cleaning for them…

  75. Ayla says:

    All the time. I worked a lot of different retail places while in college; Borders, Einstein Bagel, JC Penny’s, Blockbuster, various mall stores, etc. It got to where I refused to work anywhere that offered a public restroom unless they had a separate cleaning staff just for that.

    I had to meet one of my doctors at the medical clinic a few months ago and I went to stop by the bathroom on my way out and OH MY HECK you have no idea. It was everywhere. Ceiling, walls, counters. I took one look and had to run from the bathroom struggling not to vomit.

    It was honestly traumatic. I was shaking for about an hour afterward. I felt like I had mini PTSD. I don’t know who these people are but they are seriously ill and need to be found and treated for the good of humanity.

  76. Ayla says:

    Thanks for not using a picture with this one BTW :)

  77. rennyn says:

    At Best Buy there was someone known as the Phantom Shitter who would periodically enter the handicapped restroom and uhh roostertail it up the wall. Figure it out.

    Never caught them…

  78. heart.shaped.rock says:

    I worked at a thrift store in the 90s. We didn’t have a public restroom but we would absolutely let customers use ours in the event of an emergency especially for children. Some, however, didn’t bother to ask and would simply pile up some clothes in the dressing room and have little Johnny pee on the clothes. (At least I hope it was just the kids).

  79. SegamanXero says:

    I work in a unspecified retail location currently. The place I work has three floors, checkout is on the first, bathrooms are on the third…

    A person was a checkout, when they was overcome by what may of been diarrhea. They then proceeded to crap them selves all the way from checkout to the elevator on the first (by the main entrance). Crap them selves silly in the elevator. Then on the third floor which came out by the gaming department. from gaming to DVDs to finally the bathroom they continued to crap them selves. After a short while in the bathroom they left.

    Someone was bribed $50 to clean up the trails from the checkout (Hard wood flooring) to the elevator and the elevator it self… I think someone else cleaned the stuff from gaming and DVDs (carpet)

    Also, a long long time ago (5 years?) when in high school I worked for maybe one in a half months in a McDonald’s… Which I witnessed a poop smeared bathroom once in my brief stint there…

  80. Snip says:

    I used to clean the restrooms for apartment pools, and it was pretty common to find it in the urinals. Guess somebody got drunk and couldn’t make it all the way to the john.

  81. Wesley says:

    My Barnes & Noble friends and I still joke about the Poop Nazi. Repeated smears of feces in the shape of a swastika on the men’s room walls gets to you after a while. Just what is it that they’re trying to say?

  82. Browncoat says:

    I worked at an amusement park. I have seen women use used tampons to write messages in the restrooms. UGH!

  83. Fafaflunkie Plays His World's Smallest Violin For You says:

    Why is this song now become an earworm to me:

    Santa Claus is on his way
    He’s loaded goodies on his sleigh
    To drop them off on Christmas Day
    And I’ll say ‘Howdy-ho’

    Folks’ll gather round the fire
    sing a song, stroll the choir
    Pretty song they’ll all retire
    And I’ll say ‘Howdy-ho’

    I hope that Santa comes real soon I’ve been waiting for some we‚Ķ

    ??

    Or as Cartman so eloquently said during that same episode: “YOU SICK BASTARD!”

  84. Saltillopunk says:

    I worked part time in a catalog retailer for a few years while in college. I only know of one instance of one of the restrooms needing cleaning for horrible conditions. Recently I went to the restroom at a restaurant only to find one of the stalls in a bad state. The mess was more of a splattering as opposed to the smearing noted by other people stories. For the life of me I can’t figure out how the person caused the mess in that manner.

  85. Bardiel says:

    I work at a local college and well we had some create a lot of these issues. This happened multiple times. Different designs on the seats the walls and before they were caught a pyramid! Imagine a Pyramid of Poo sticking up above the Rim of the bowl. Don’t forget the white stains on the seats the rim and the walls….. Talk about messed up. 5 guys were caught with latex gloves in one stall shaping the big pile of poo. And it wasn’t all human….

  86. Fafaflunkie Plays His World's Smallest Violin For You says:

    There is one I can think of, but I’m guessing Consumers Union doesn’t need a lawsuit from the idiots at Viacom right now.

    • Fafaflunkie Plays His World's Smallest Violin For You says:

      SHIT!! (No pun intended, really I swear!)

      This was meant to be a reply to an earlier thread about an appropriate photo to go alongside the original posting.

  87. lettucefactory says:

    I can’t stop laughing at some of these. Folks really just drop one in the aisle at Sears and keep walking? What world is this?

    I worked at a coffee shop for several years (similar to Dunkin Donuts) and it happened a few times a year. I never saw shit on the ceiling or shit-writing-on-the-walls, but it was not uncommon to see a pile on the floor, right in the middle of the bathroom. It always felt like they did it on purpose.

    When I was in management I never never made my staff clean it up. Just didn’t seem right.

  88. HogwartsProfessor says:

    Happened to me when I worked at the deli cafe in California. One day this little woman came in. I think she ordered a drink, and then asked to use the bathroom. You had to ask to get the key, see. So we gave it to her and a little bit later she came out and left.

    Then someone went in and came right back out and told us there was a mess in there. Guess who had to clean it up? Yep. Me. The grossed-out patron was allowed to use the men’s room (it was a one-person bathroom).

    From where the mess was, it appeared the woman had…um, issues…and had perhaps just had a really bad attack of explosive diarrhea that went all over the seat, the floor and on the wall where the toilet paper was (possibly on her hands as she was trying to clean up). I kind of felt sorry for her. It had to be embarrassing to know you left a mess like that, but I wish she had just taken one of us aside and let us know before another customer went in there. :P

  89. IowaCowboy says:

    If the person cleaning the restroom finds bodily fluids in a restroom, they should call a HAZMAT team to come and clean it up as it presents a biohazard situation and workers that clean it up should have to wear protective gear. OSHA should have a say in this matter, especially if the establishment uses youth labor as there are regulations regarding hazardous work by minors. There is a reason that hospital workers wear protective clothing (gloves, gown, goggles, and mask) when dealing with bodily fluids and it should be no different for someone cleaning a restroom at a Burger King. Routine cleaning of a restroom is fine but when bodily fluids are present (as mentioned in the article) then it warrants cleanup by a HAZMAT crew with the proper training and protective gear.

  90. Emanon says:

    (raising hand anxiously in back of classroom)
    I have a poop story to share. I worked at a supermarket a few years back. One evening when we were closing up, i went up to the employee bathroom which was separate from the customer’s bathroom when I was greeted by a horrible stench. Thinking, someone maybe forgot to flush the toilet I looked in all the stalls to find them all empty. Confused, I turned around to find a pile of human excrement in the SINK!!! Seriously? How and why would someone do that? Man, did I feel sorry for whoever had to clean that up.

    • DerangedKitsune says:

      $10 says that was someone’s resignation letter.

      You have any coworkers leave right around that time?

  91. dragonpancakes says:

    I worked at a Little Caesar’s at a K-Mart and had one person not only paint the floor,walls, and toilet in poo but also managed to write his first name on the ceiling is his own poo. But don’t think it stops there. I work in a “professional” office building and someone smeared poo on the wall in one stall last month. Maintenance doesn’t seem to care either, seeing as how it is still there.

  92. LBD "Nytetrayn" says:

    I’ve seen THINGS, man… and some STUFF, too!

    I wouldn’t recommend it!

  93. curiositykt says:

    Ugh I am never leaving my house again! So gross!!

    We had someone throw up all over the first floor bathroom in our office building on New Years, but I thankfully didn’t witness it, my coworker just told me about it after the long weekend. Neither of us will go into the bathroom since this incident.

  94. redblade7 says:

    I’ve never seen Poo “Vandalism” but have worked in grocery establishments where I had to discard dirty diapers left in carts. Whether that was vandalism or just laziness I have no idea.

  95. BeFrugalNotCheap says:

    I have hemorrhoids. The other day I was in a computer lab at a local college and I left a huge spot of blood on the seat. The ass end of my pants also had a big blood stain. The worst part is when the blood drips down my legs and leaves spots on the floor.

  96. pittstonjoma says:

    There is a woman that does it just about every day. I call her Poocassa. I think I know who it is, but I never caught her in the actual, err, act. I hate using the ladies room because I never know if she “visited” lately.

  97. briguy17 says:

    I work at Safeway and this happens once every few months at least… I’ve encountered many soiled pairs of left behind underwear unfortunately.

  98. Swidgen says:

    I owed a small retail store where I had a bathroom available for customer’s use. When I got ‘hit’, it was smeared nearly up to the ceiling. It took me a full day to clean it up. I had to keep taking breaks to keep from vomiting. About a year later, I was in a Big Lots store when I happened upon the employees discovering the same thing had been done in their ladies’ room. Also my husband worked at GE where an employee was doing it. It happened quite a few times before they finally nailed him. Turns out it’s actually a mental disorder. Google it.

  99. FiorellaMajumdar says:

    Oh, bad memories. I was a teen working in a Brooklyn Kids R Us when someone decided to stuff a diaper down the toilet. Well, it managed to not just jam the toilet, but work its way into a distribution pipe and jam the entire bathroom. There was six inches of brown water in the bathroom and, yes, my boss forced us all to get buckets to fill and dump out into the harbor behind the shopping center. It was horrific and, had I not been a naive 18-year-old I would have sued the hell out of the company and spent the rest of my life living large. But, instead, I got $#!+ all over me. I’m surprised I didn’t end up with some dread disease…

    • Spaghettius! says:

      Is that Ceasar’s Bay? My mom did all the back to school shopping for us there when we were kiddies. I had no idea you guys had been poo-terrorized! 6 inches? Oh god whyyyy.

  100. wilberfan says:

    What a disturbing–but fascinating–thread.

    I used to work in a data center (remember those?) on the 2nd shift. Most of the women did data-entry–most of the guys were in management/operations. (I was there by myself at night.) The cleaning guy would come in around 8pm–and had a lot of trouble getting me to believe that the women’s rest room was always WAY dirtier than the men’s.

    “They stand on the seat and squat–or they hover–and they’ve got terrible aim…”, he explained.

    One time he insisted that I come in and look at the turdletts that he found on the floor at the base of one of the toilets. (Never anything smeared on the walls, though!)

    Another friend used to work in an adult book store. In addition to cleaning up a lot of what you’d expect in those movie booths, he said the occasional “shit-freaks” were the worst: a big, steaming pile of fun for him to deal with after they’d, uh, spent all their tokens in there…

  101. Mooneyes says:

    Unfortunately I’ve had to deal with this working at a library as well. Someone put a book in the toilet and then.. well… Really crazy things happen in libraries. In retail places I haven’t had to deal with things this bad. Mostly just people putting gross things in food and leaving it for someone else to clean up.

  102. chick robot says:

    I had to post this to my FB wall, I need everyone to know that this really goes on. I’ve been the victim (cleaner upper) of these instances several times over and have even had the random “how the hell is there poo in the middle of the aisle?!?!” I’d always assumed that it was the demographic I was working around, nice to know shit knows no bounds.

    Also reminds me of the energy sheets commercial…”where do you take a sheet?” I take a sheet in the street!”

  103. jerry101 says:

    200+ comments and NO ONE has copped to doing this? I want an explanation from someone who’s dropped a dook in a store aisle or crapped all over a restroom stall or smeared crap everywhere!

  104. J-Mac says:

    Oh man… I just read a few of the above quotes to my wife, and she said that happened at a Wachovia Bank when she worked there about five years ago! So it’s not only restaurants apparently.

    Jim

  105. Doomdark says:

    McDonalds (over 25 years ago). A woman would come in, eat, go to the toilet, empty a load of odd trash into the loo (empty drink bottles etc) then take a dump on the floor. Took us a couple of times to figure out who it was an ban her.

  106. magpiemegnut says:

    I’ve worked at a movie theater for 4 1/2 years. I’ve seen a penis drawn in shit on a stall door, shit smeared all over the walls of a stall, and a big ol’ piece of crap on the back of the toilet. I can’t even fathom what would possibly possess a person to do that… Mindbogglingly disgusting :P

  107. satoru says:

    This happens all the time in China. They have signs in the bathrooms “DO NOT POO HERE” pointing to the sink, and urinals!

    My friend in Louis Vuitton had to clean up poop from the store change room! WTF man!

  108. Darkneuro says:

    I worked in a fabric store with a ‘for customers’ bathroom in the back corner. We REGULARLY had to go clean the walls and floor. We also had one particular customer we had to ask to not come in any more. She regularly let her 2 year old daughter squat in the calico aisles because she was ‘busy picking out fabric’..
    It’s VERY common and you HAVE NO IDEA….

  109. mrstu says:

    Working at Culvers the summer after high school… about a half hour before close, someone came to us and told us the woman’s bathroom needed a bit of cleaning… went to go check it, and there was feces on the floor, coating the toilet, and on the walls of one of the stalls, up past waist height. Left the bathroom and told the manager that I wasn’t going back in there without gloves and a hose.

    He laughed, went to check it himself. Came back out, closed the bathroom until close… after close, he got the hose, sat there in the doorway of the bathroom spraying at it until most of it was at least on the floor. It took so long we ended up getting off work about an hour later then normal.

  110. yevarechecha says:

    I walked into a bathroom at my university a few months ago and found that someone had crapped in the toilet and flushed like normal, but then had wiped their ass and dumped the shit-covered toilet paper in a pile in the corner of the stall. Some of these stories make sense from a perspective of vandalism, Crohn’s, or just dickishness, but why would you flush the turd and then leave the toilet paper on the floor?

  111. Span_Wolf says:

    I am literally sobbing with laughter reading all the comments in this article. Bravo for making me stay up 2 hours later than I wanted to tonight.

    To add to the stories, the one big one I had when I was young and working in fast food was when people would wipe their ass and toss it directly into the waste basket next to the toilet. This happened every single day.

  112. Jfielder says:

    I know this will be waaaay down the list, but I just have to share it. In 2001 I was unfortunate enough to be working as a busser and host at Red Robin. Yes the shit smearing/explosions would happen (my method of cleaning involved using the mop on the walls, but that’s another story). The absolute worst, strangest bathroom nastiness was the time I walked into the bathroom to find that not only was there smeared shit all over, but there was a catheter on the floor, and it looked like the guy bought a cup of chili in a takeout container for the sole purpose of flinging it all over the stall. So weird.

  113. impatientgirl says:

    I worked in restaurants and bars for years. I’ve shopped my fair share too, and I’ve never ever encountered this. Hat tip to my neighbors.

  114. Kohl's Retail Monkey says:

    Yep. Five years at Kohls, seen it in the men’s fitting room, juniors fitting room, men’s bathroom. And if we’re expanding this to include just people leaving tampons/diapers/used underwear… well I cant name a department I haven’t seen or heard about it in.

  115. OMG_BECKY says:

    Humans are animals.

  116. Jerem43 says:

    Twice I have encountered explosive diarrhea covered bathroom stalls at the BK I manage. The last time It was a stream that started on the wall opposite the toilet that continued all the way along the wall in a 270 degree arc that ended on the seat and floor.

    We had to use a hose to wash it all off, chunks and all.

  117. Lackwit says:

    When I was low man on the dishwashing totem pole at a national diner chain I was on restroom duty quite often for a few months. One time, in the “ladies” room, I found a used sanitary napkin stuck adhesive-side-down to the wall of the stall. *gag*

  118. 10-cent-sucker says:

    I posted my experience on Reddit already, but at Barnes and Noble someone made a swastika with feces on the bathroom wall. Not the wall of the stall, but the wall by the sink. That’s hardcore.

  119. t0ast says:

    Amateurs. We had 2-3 such incidents occur **OUTSIDE** the restrooms at the K-mart I worked in high school.

    Yes, they were clearly intentional.

    No, I’m not going to explain further.

  120. Midnight Harley says:

    People are just freaking disgusting. I don’t think people have ever done that to the place I’ve worked at for almost 4 years now. But I’ve seen public bathrooms at restaurants, it’s terrifying and sick

  121. samonela says:

    Try someone smearing menstrual blood all over the toilet, stall, and floor in the ladies’ room at the McDonald’s I worked at when I was 16. It seriously looked like a suicide bomber had offed themselves in there but the stall somehow stayed intact. It had to have been one of the sickest sights I’d ever seen in my time in retail.

  122. RP_Fan says:

    Aside from an employee at work and those afflicted by a real disease (like Crohn’s), who are the people who are poo-ing in public restrooms to begin with? I can’t even remember the last time I had to make contact with the seat of a toilet in a public restroom. I either go before I leave the house, can wait until I get back to the house, or use the toilet at the private residence of a friend I happen to be visiting. If you’re having explosive diarrhea, nausea, etc., why are you out shopping and eating at restaurants?

    I do think that a substantial portion of these incidents are probably the work of teenagers or kids who think it’s funny for one reason or another. The adult perpetrators baffle me to no end. I’m in my late twenties and male; I’ve seen this kind of thing personally maybe one time. I’m also shocked to find out that the lady’s (or in this case, “female’s room”) is so much nastier than the men’s. I can’t help but think that hormones may be a factor, though I have no idea of the magnitude. I’ve never dated anyone or lived with a gf who was even remotely gross in the bathroom–most of them were much more interested in cleanliness than I am–frequent use of lysol, frequent cleaning of the tub and toilet, organization of toiletries, etc.

    Excluding the kids/teens, the inescapable question is WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?! Same goes for the swastikas and the other bathroom graffiti. I wish some Psy PhDs would write a paper on this, sourced by confidential interviews with the adult perps.

  123. retailriter says:

    I worked in retail hell not that long ago. The cheapos at the top decided to pad their pockets just a little bit more by getting rid of the day time on-duty maintenance person. We, the underpaid store “staff” were instructed that it was now part of our duties to provide that “awesome” customer experience by keeping the bathrooms clean. This, after several years with no raises and steady erroding away of our benefits, you understand.

    We were supposed to check the bathroom each hour on our assigned “rotations”. I just made sure I never “discovered” the mess when it was my rotation. Just went in, looked at the overflowed poo or whatever, signed off on the sheet the all was well, came out, and went whisteling back down the hallway. That left the next staff member to make the “discovery”, which they always did, while I made myself invisible doing “stocking” for a while. No one ever caught on. I would have quit rather than clean the nasty filth.

    I’m a woman myself, but my God, what do these women Do in there!!

  124. jonroknrol says:

    In the 90′s my band played a large club in Atlanta. We were in the green room and one of the club employees came in and informed us that they had just had all of the walls and floors cleaned, because The Prodigy (remember them?) had played there a few days ago and smeared shit all over the walls.

    We didn’t touch anything in that room for the remainder of the night.

  125. La Flama Blanca says:

    I worked at a mom & pop gas station in college with an auto shop where the non-public bathroom was. Owner did not allow us to let customers bathroom when the auto shop was closed due to the expensive tools, peoples cars and what not in there.

    One day this guy pulled up to the pump saying he really had to use the bathroom and I’d seen him before so I let him in the building. The next time I showed up to work, the owner was pissed. Dude had smeared shit all over the unfinished plywood walls, the floor around the toilet and in some sort of twisted finale slammed his shit filled underwear in the center of the floor. No shit actually in the toilet I might add. Since it was a small town, I assumed at the time the guy may had a vendetta with the owner car repairs or something, but after reading all of this…clearly there does not have to be any reason at all.

    Either way, no non-employee will ever use that bathroom again no matter what the emergency.

  126. littlemoose says:

    I’ve worked retail on and off for years. I’ve never seen it firsthand, thankfully, but a coworker told me a horrifying story from when she worked at another location (same company, clothing retail): An unknown customer pooped in a fitting room. The employees didn’t see it until after another customer had stepped in it, barefoot. SO DISGUSTING.

    My coworkers have also reported finding dirty diapers in the store – this is not an uncommon occurrence. I once cleaned up what my coworker really thought was urine, but I’m pretty sure was just water. My store’s bathrooms used to be open to the customers, but thankfully they no longer are. We have had some customers barge past the “Employees Only, No Public Restroom” sign on a few occasions, which is annoying and potentially unsafe given that we store fixtures and hardware in the same hallway. For reference, there is a public restroom right next door in our mall.

  127. soj4life says:

    I worked at a bank and this was a problem. One day someone’s daughter came up to us and said that her dad had an accident in the bathroom. Peaked inside, there was crap 4 feet up on the walls. To this day I don’t know how someone that is 5 feet tall was able to accidentally get it up that high, or how the cleaning crew was able to clean it off the wallpaper without having to replace it.

  128. Coupon says:

    When I worked at Lowe’s, ppl would go #2 in the display toilets fairly regularly.

  129. Martha Gail says:

    I worked for Academy Sports for 9 years. I’ve seen a lot of poop, not just smeared in the bathrooms, but all over the store. My favorite was when for a few days the skate aisle smelled really terrible. No one could figure out what the smell was.

    We looked behind all the boxes on the shelves and found nothing. One day one of my employees was bringing down topstock to refill the shelves when lo and behold, he found a turd on top of a box of roller blades! That box was on a top shelf that was about ten feet up. It was a people turd and it was not smashed or wiped on the box. Someone had to have shat onto the box of skates and put it back into topstock.

  130. finbar says:

    Worst I’ve seen: whitish worms swiming about in an almost overflowing pit toilet at a campground on Angel Island. It had its own nasty ecosystem.

  131. Froggee285 says:

    I was at a 7-11 once, and standing outside near my car, and I overheard this13 yr old tell his friends he did that in their bathroom JUST now.

    Being a teacher, I marched right in there and told the 7-11 man behind the counter what I heard, and he said that Yes, he just let some kid use the bathroom. He told his son (mid 20s) who went outside and threatened to call the police unless the kid went back there and cleaned it up…the kid did, and the guy stood there and made sure. I mean, I suppose the kid could have just ran away, but he looked terrified beyond belief, and his friends just took one giant step away when the 7-11 guy got him. HA.

  132. DJSeanMac says:

    From my experience working in bars, ladies REALLY don’t like to sit on a public toilet. I theorize they go to the restroom in pairs not to talk, but to cross arms in a gymnastics maneuver for hover purposes. It’s unfortunate that women can’t aim as well as men. Of course, no one can aim #2 at all. And that’s worse.

  133. MoritaX says:

    I currently work at Target and you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve seen. People have pooped NEXT TO the toilet (and I’m talkin’ a mountain). Some pissed off mom smeared her kid’s shit with a diaper all over a dressing room stall (and left the diaper stuck to the wall). Someone else left a trail of shit throughout the store, dripping through the makeup isles, electronics, and clothing departments. And someone with what I presume to be a grenade in their ass, exploded all over the uni-sex bathroom. And our cart attendants have to clean it all up.

  134. RiverStyX says:

    Only one incident that stands out: Shit-smeared swastika on the wall.

  135. Yorick says:

    I can’t even bear to touch my feces (or anyone else’s) so I cannot comprehend the desire to smear it across the walls of a semi-public location. Seriously, I get a minifreakout whenever I have a little bit on my fingers.

  136. bblawson says:

    The coincidences in my life are far too common. Yesterday I sat peacefully in my kitchen, checking Facebook when a friend posted this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9XXmvixxek
    Then I came to Consumerist, where I read this article and it’s subsequent, sometimes quite hilarious, comments.
    Tonight, took my 14 year old to Target for a new bathing suit for our upcoming vacation. She stepped in pee in the dressing room! Not kidding. Target was less than sympathetic about the situation.

  137. Promethean Sky says:

    I worked at a McDonald’s that shared a bathroom with an attached gas station. One day we had what would later be referred to as the Menstrual Explosion. Blood and crap on the toilet, sink, walls, ceiling, door… Thank [insert deity here] that I didn’t have to clean it. Not the only bathroom mess that happened in my 4 months there, but by far the worst. I was lucky enough to dodge the bullet each time.