3 Wacky Tales From Our Crypt

A selection of stories from our past archives with evergreen appeal, and aftertaste. We bring you horrific tales of The Hellraiser Sneaker, The Cellphone Call That Destroyed My Speakers, and I Bought A New Punching Bag That Turned Out To Be Stuffed With Dirty Underwear.

hellraiserthesneaker.jpgThe Hellraiser Sneaker (June, 2006)

This is a Nike-looking sneaker made by artist Adam Brendejs that is made from latex and human hair made of molds of his own skin. It contains motors and circuits so that it periodically vibrates and twitches and looks alive. The message it’s trying to communicate is a trenchant expose on sweatshop labor. Namely that through it human lives are destroyed and reprocessed into mass-market consumer goods. Also, you get mad hang time yo!

feeelingthecingular.jpgFeeling Cingular (April, 2007)

Remember Cingular? Me neither! But back in the dizzay before they were bought by AT&T, this animation student had his speaker destroyed by one of their phones. It was a super nice speaker and it was turned up all the way to work on these quiet sound samples. His Cingular cellphone was on the desk and when it rang, the GSM RF interference, you know, that “tk tk tk Ng ng ng” sound they make sometimes? It got picked up by his speakers and totally ripped them to shreds. So he made an animated music video about his experience! The music and singing are pretty horrible but it’s funny to watch the old Cingular icon guy jumping around shooting orange lasers at everyone.

dirtyunderwearbag.jpgYour Punching Bag Was Full Of Dirty, Stinky Underwear (May 2007)

Certain things are not meant to be opened. Like a Magic 8 Ball, those little tiny Christmas presents that are just decorations, and, apparently, punching bags. This guy Joe’s curiosity got the better of him and he decided to open up his TKO punching bag. Boy was he surprised when he got a sock in the nose! A giant blast of stinky, emanating from the dirty men’s and women’s underwear it turned out the bag was stuffed with! Our favorite quote from the article was him saying, “I called to ask them if they could tell me if these were clean underwear, but I don’t think that he believed me… I said ‘I’m a cop, I’m telling you that’s what’s in there!” — because cops are good at detecting dirty underwear?