Strange, This Yogurt Sample Tastes Just Like Semen

Earlier this week, a shopper in a New Mexico grocery store received a free sample of yogurt. She tasted it, then immediately spat it out on the floor and called the police. The woman told police that the yogurt tasted like it contained a “bodily fluid.” Specifically, semen.

After police arrived, the store employee who allegedly dispensed the yogurt was arrested on existing bench warrants for sexual assault. Police recovered the yogurt sample from the supermarket floor, and are currently testing to see what it actually contains.

(Apologies to anyone who had, or was planning to have, yogurt for breakfast today.)

Woman claims yogurt was tainted: krqe.com

Woman claims yogurt was tainted [KRQE] (Thanks, Doug!)

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  1. absherlock says:

    Until they’ve shown there was anything foreign in the yogurt, how exactly is this a “consumer issue” and not a “crazy lady spitting on the floor” issue?

    • eccsame says:

      It’s a crazy lady spitting on the floor of a store – that’s why.

      • absherlock says:

        Well, hell, if all it takes is some crazy person acting out in a store for an incident to qualify as a consumer issue, they’re missing a crapload of consumer issues in Philly alone…

        • sufreak says:

          Philly itself is a consumer issue. (as I look across the street at Philly. Literally, the street I’m ATM is the border).

    • runswithscissors says:

      Free samples in stores are a common thing to encounter as a consumer. This is a case of alleged tampering with said samples.

      But, you know, feel free not to post this story on your consumer issues blog.

      • MMD says:

        While it might be a consumer issue, it would be nice if we knew what was actually in the yogurt. Right now it’s pure speculation.

        • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

          It doesn’t mean it’s not consumer-news worthy.

          • MMD says:

            Ok…but what if the tests come back negative? Then it’s a non-story.

            • allknowingtomato says:

              That is the case with EVERY story on this website (that lacks corroborating images) in which the “other side” (supermarket, best buy, taco bell, guy giving out samples of jizz) has yet to respond, or declines to comment. A consumer makes an allegation of an otherwise normal consumer experience going horribly wrong, and maybe the consumer is lying or mistaken.

              Besides, I think, as a consumer (of yogurt no less,) I would still want to know about which brand of yogurt tastes like semen, even if it doesn’t actually contain semen. If the headline had read “Guess which brand of yogurt tastes exactly like semen?”, that’s still a story in my book, and I would still want to know so I could avoid it or, when feeling brave, try it for myself.

              Also, fun fact: Linden trees smell like semen. Maybe it was linden flavored yogurt?

        • Spiro_Agnew says:

          Maybe we will find out that is is pure ejaculation instead of speculation.

    • JennQPublic says:

      The fact that this guy had an outstanding warrant for sexual assault leads me to believe maybe she’s not crazy, he’s a perv.

      Or maybe it’s a complete coincidence that a woman accused a random man of a sexual crime who has been accused before. Wow, what an unlucky guy.

  2. FilthyHarry says:

    How familiar with the taste of semen do you have to be to distinguish it in yogurt! Wow!

    • Marlin says:

      Never tasted semen but from the looks of semen I would think the difference would be very obvious compared to a yogurt.
      Maybe you have more exp in that taste area?

      • Griking says:

        Yeah but bad yogurt could have tasted like anything (most likely sour) but this person specifically identified it as semen.

    • cbrillow says:

      Ever tried homemade, plain, unsweetened yogurt? If somebody gave me a free sample from the batch I tasted, I’d probably make a similar allegation. It was nasty stuff!

      (Oh, and we made it ourselves in our fad-of-the-year Home Yogurt Maker…)

    • The Porkchop Express says:

      have you smelled either of them? one would have to assume that semen tastes how it smells. One would also assume that the yogurt would taste like…wait for it…yogurt.

      Besides, I know at least 10 women that I know would know the difference.

    • Mulva says:

      Maybe she had just had some the night before?

    • bullymom2 says:

      From someone who knows: yogurt is sour. semen is salty and bitter. I could definitely tell. I suspect that the semen was mixed in with the yogurt, making it hard to detect by smell or sight.

      • veritybrown says:

        But if he mixed it with enough yogurt that the shopper couldn’t tell by sight or smell, how was there enough semen in the mix for it to be noticeable over the taste of the yogurt (which has it’s own strong flavor)?

        I’m guessing that the shopper ate it without really looking at it first. If the sample was served in one of those little white paper cups, the difference between semen and yogurt might not be obvious at a mere glance, but would be VERY obvious (from consistency alone, let alone taste) once she put the spoon in her mouth. YUCK!

      • UnbelieverDjak says:

        She could be a “supertaster.” Of course, since supertasters palates seem to require more salt…

    • theycallmeGinger says:

      Wow is right. Either you are really young, really naive, or really a virgin if you don’t realize that any heterosexually active woman can tell the difference between yogurt and semen. If semen tasted like yogurt, we’d all swallow.

      There’s your blunt comment of the day.

      • jesirose says:

        Ew, I hate yogurt.

      • MamaBug says:

        +1

      • pop top says:

        You, I like.

      • wonderkitty now has two dogs says:

        Ha. Haha. You’re awesome. +2

      • JonStewartMill says:

        If semen tasted like yogurt, we’d all swallow.

        That reminds me of a joke: “If we want to solve overpopulation, we don’t need better methods of contraception, we just need to find a way to make semen taste like chocolate.”

      • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

        So I should stop downing a six-pack of pineapple juice a day and should switch to yogurt?

        • bethshanin says:

          THANK YOU!
          God I hate the stuff, but when she brings me a glass of pineapple juice and a smile, I know its going to be worth it later that night.

          • outis says:

            You just made me google something that explains one of my partner’s odder requests and is bound to make my life a lot rosier. Now I know what all her blushing was about.

        • rmorin says:

          That is completely not true. It’s an urban legend.
          There is no medical evidence, nor a physiologic process that would explain that. Any personal experiences are likely based upon expectation influencing perception.

      • JulesNoctambule says:

        ‘If semen tasted like yogurt, we’d all swallow.’

        Oh, how wrong you are.

      • Red Cat Linux says:

        Truth. +1

      • The cake is a lie! says:

        There’s a sucker born every minute. Swallowers are harder to find…

        An interesting tidbit is that body fluids are scented and flavored based on the diet of the body. I would wager the semen of a fruit loving vegitarian tastes better than a pork rind eating beer drinker. I’m just sayin… I’m more of a Cherry Coke and pop tart kind of guy and I’ve never had any complaints. Just a tip for you guys with funky spunk. ;)

        • rmorin says:

          That is completely not true. It’s an urban legend.
          There is no medical evidence, nor a physiologic process that would explain that. Any personal experiences are likely based upon expectation influencing perception.

      • YokoOhNo says:

        and the 90% of men who masturbate would probably think something was familiar with the smell…the other 10% of men, the liars, would think the same thing!!!!

      • bluline says:

        It’s obvious you’ve never met my wife.

      • brownhb says:

        You get my own personal comment of the day. This whole thread, really.

      • Papa Bear says:

        Very, very funny!

    • Caffinehog says:

      Ask your mom.

    • Toffeemama is looking for a few good Otters says:

      It’s not really the taste, so much as the texture.

  3. kylere1 says:

    Until the tests come back, this is not a story

    • brotheryang says:

      But it was on the news that means its a story right?!……RIGHT?!

    • skylar.sutton says:

      … and I’ll bet $5 that consumerist doesn’t do a follow up, so we’ll never know how this story ends

    • Roclawzi says:

      It is a story. About illiteracy. About a poor woman who can’t tell whether a sign says “yogurt sample” or “hair care product sample”.

      :::spit::: this tastes like semen! And not even my brand!

    • JennQPublic says:

      The guy will plead guilty to a reduced charge, and the state won’t have to pay for expensive testing.

      But really, do you think this woman would have gone so far as to call the police if she wasn’t certain that what she tasted was semen? It’s kind of a distinctive flavor/texture.

  4. I just blue myself says:

    I’m feeling queasy…

  5. arsenicookie says:

    yeah but was the semen pro-biotic?

  6. AwesomeJerkface says:

    Well, it’s nice that they were able to arrest someone with 2 warrants, including one for assault of a minor.

  7. Ben Popken says:

    not. what. i. want. to. read. first. thing. in. the. morning.

  8. EmanNeercs says:

    …Sure… I read this right AFTER I have my morning yogurt. Thanks consumerist…

  9. yessongs says:

    It’s a new flavor… Spooge! Interesting how she knew what it tasted like.

    • RevancheRM says:

      Not so much this. I’d rather expect that the taste wasn’t unfamiliar to a large number of women.

      • veritybrown says:

        This. I would guess that the majority of women who have ever had a sexual relationship with a guy have had a blow job demanded of them at some point.

        • JulesNoctambule says:

          ‘Demanded’? I feel sorry for all those women in shitty relationships, especially because you know that any jackass who demands a sexual act never gives his fair share.

          • JennQPublic says:

            To be fair, I feel bad for any guy who has to ‘demand’ a blow job. Oral sex should come standard in all relationships, both ways (at once, if you’re so inclined).

          • veritybrown says:

            Well, that’s sort of the point of the traditional blow job–he gets his jollies; she gets a bad taste in her mouth. Are most men jackasses for wanting that? I’ll let you decide.

            • Papa Bear says:

              “Sex is like an elevator: if you want to ride one, you have to eventually go down!” – Roseanne Barr.

              Now, that said, elevator rides are the same for men and women – especially men: they can’t stay up forever!

              Even if you take the stairs down, you eventually get to the bottom. Oops! The “bottom” is a whole different topic, isn’t it!

              All those women who don’t like sperm, some of ya’ all don’t taste all that great either, but it’s all a matter of what you want to do for your partner. If it’s forced on you, whether male or female acts (women can be pretty demanding, too), bad relationship, get the hell out, now!

              As to the forcing part, I just don’t get it. If some guy forces is “unit” into your mouth, don’t you have teeth? He’ll never force you again. If it’s a fear thing, just bite hard enough to put the bastard in the hospital and then get the hell out of Dodge, so to speak. The idea forced oral sex, even without teeth involved, just sort of makes me cringe a bit. There is just too much down there I don’t want to get hurt. A guy who even demands and not forces is putting his junk in great jeopardy if his partner chooses to teach him a lesson.

  10. Rackoff493 says:

    That guy must have been “saving” up if he was giving out free samples.

  11. VOIDMunashii says:

    Wow, he really did make his own yogurt at home.

  12. rahntwo says:

    I don’t understand the problem. Was the semen expired? Why didn’t she swallow?

  13. DerekSmalls says:

    In my vast experience at being a straight female, let’s just say there are certain things you can’t un-taste…

  14. The Porkchop Express says:

    Guess she didn’t love him?

  15. TinaBringMeTheAx says:

    To me, kiwi sorbet tastes exactly like semen.

  16. runswithscissors says:

    Her recognizing the taste…

    does not mean “she’s a slut”
    which does not mean:
    “she deserved it”, “I got no sympathy”, or “she’s probably lying”.

    Just putting this out there for the edification of some of the more misogynistic guys on the intarwebs.

    • ellmar says:

      Thank you.

    • dadelus says:

      Exactly, we all (men) want women to do it, but then some men also seem to want to make them feel bad about it.

      Talk about one of the dumbest double standards on record!

      • veritybrown says:

        Considering that there is something inherently degrading about being asked (or pressured, or demanded, or coerced) to put another person’s eliminatory orifice in your mouth, are you really surprised that there are men who use this as a way (and an excuse) to degrade women? (And yes, I know there are women who enjoy it, but far from the majority.)

        • outis says:

          I’ll keep that in mind while my girlfriend and I degrade each other’s brains out on my lunch break.

          • veritybrown says:

            It wasn’t intended as a moral judgment, just a psychological one. Some people find eating excrement sexually exciting, and they certainly have the right to enjoy their personal fetish, but that doesn’t make it sanitary or something that would be considered pleasant by the vast majority of human beings. The physical mechanics of the “typical” blow job (where the man gets his jollies and the woman gets nothing but a bad taste in her mouth) have a definite “degradation” factor, psychologically speaking, regardless of whether some people enjoy doing it or not.

            • theycallmeGinger says:

              Hm. Most people take enjoyment in pleasing their SOs; it’s not a fetish thing. And, women aren’t the only ones who choose to put another person’s “eliminatory orifice” in their mouths. This is sex. If you’re feeling degraded (against your wishes), you’re definitely not doing it right.

            • haggis for the soul says:

              I don’t consider semen to be “excrement” exactly. I think that implies that it’s a waste product when it’s actually part of the sauce of life, no?

              • haggis for the soul says:

                And oral sex isn’t even in the same universe as scat fetishes. One is broadly acceptable and the other has, hopefully, a very small fan base.

              • veritybrown says:

                I wouldn’t consider semen to be excrement, no. Nasty tasting, yes, and with the consistency of snot (I guess some people *like* to eat snot…), but no, not excrement. Urine, on the other hand, is definitely a waste product, and it does come out of the same orifice as semen, oddly enough. And men are not well-known for the cleanliness of their bathroom habits.

                • SabreDC says:

                  “And men are not well-known for the cleanliness of their bathroom habits.”

                  I was with you until that. Can you please stop painting men with a broad brush? Yes, some are jerks. Yes, some are dirty. But please, poor hygiene is not gender-based, it is based more on bad upbringing and bad habits. How many mens’ rooms have you been in?

                  As a man, I find your stereotyping to be downright rude and unnecessary on a CONSUMER RIGHTS forum. If you want to talk about this woman’s experience at a grocery store, have at it. Leave that other shit over at Jezebel where it belongs.

                  • KingPsyz says:

                    No you see misandry is acceptable…

                    Double standards wut?

                  • KingPsyz says:

                    Also, I’d like to add that from previous experience working as an employee housing rep in Yosemite (aka worked with women from all over the world, so a pretty decent study sample) women are way more disgusting in the bathroom than men.

                    1000%

                    They might deny it, and they might come out looking and smelling fine… but that bathroom will look like a bad grindhouse movie was filmed there.

                    Do I make it a point to travel the interwebs spreading the hate? Nope because nobody cares.

                • haggis for the soul says:

                  I’ve never known a man who didn’t have the courtesy to clean his junk before being indulged.

                • outis says:

                  I assume, based on the sexist crap coming out of your mouth, you don’t like kissing either?

        • Emaewest says:

          I have never felt either fellatio, nor cunnilingus, to be degrading. And I’ve done both.

    • Cosmo_Kramer says:

      “Misogynistic” is a big word, did you read that in one of your cookbooks?

      I kid, really.

    • I just blue myself says:

      Agreed.

    • MMD says:

      ^^^This.

    • YokoOhNo says:

      she could have been a prostitute.

      i hope you respect strippers and prostitutes and their right to use their body however they see fit…i do.

  17. Fjord says:

    Unlike a good farmer I don’t taste my product, but from the looks of it I have to say her husband must’ve had a bad load or something the night before.
    My grandparents used to have a farm and produced yogurt daily, it never tasted remotely close to any of the crap they sell in stores come jizz.

  18. Press1forDialTone says:

    Did TMZ buy out Consumerist from Consumer Reports?

  19. Blueskylaw says:

    A great way to start the day is with a protein drink.

  20. Qantaqa says:

    Ohh, man can I go home now? This is a totally valid reason for a sick day. Where’s Benson and Stabler when you need them?

  21. Ben says:

    Was this Lady Gaga’s new yogurt brand?

  22. HogwartsProfessor says:

    Eeyewww…and I brought a thing of Greek yogurt for my midmorning snack, too… :P

  23. mandy_Reeves says:

    Ben and Jerry’s newest flavor! Baby Batter fro yo!

  24. SkokieGuy says:

    Jamie Lee Curtis has some every day.

  25. HalOfBorg says:

    Awww man, I brought yogurt for lunch today. Coconut creme pie, so it’s even white. Gonna be a weird lunch.

  26. leylan says:

    Free sample?

    Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

  27. topgun says:

    You’ve got to give props to the Consumerist for finding that picture to go with the story.

  28. wonderkitty now has two dogs says:

    It’s things like this… I would just rather not know. So if anyone is going to go around ejaculating in my yogurt, make sure it’s the strawberry flavor, okay?

  29. leprechaunshawn says:

    I’m curious…

    How is one not able to tell the difference between a cup of semen and a cup of yogurt before putting in their mouth? The color and consistency are not the same and it’s not like a grocery store isn’t well lit.

    • veritybrown says:

      That’s what I was wondering. I suppose it’s possible that the Creepy Sex-Offender Sample Guy might have mixed some semen into the yogurt. But if so, I’m trying to figure out how it there could be enough semen in the mix for the shopper to be able to distinguish the taste (over the taste of the yogurt) and yet still look enough like yogurt for the shopper not to notice that something was wrong just by looking at it.

      Maybe she just ate without really looking at what she was eating? Ugh.

    • haggis for the soul says:

      Some yogurts, particularly the organic ones (Stonyfield Farm, I’m talking to you) have a much different consistency than yogurts that use gelatin or whatever to give them a thicker consistency. I really like Stonyfield Farm, but it took me awhile to get used to the texture.

  30. Power Imbalance says:

    I think they should have tested it BEFORE arresting him.

  31. physics2010 says:

    Perhaps the news was that they arrested a sexual offender on existing warrants. Perhaps yogurt was just the side story.

  32. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    Meanwhile, the local sperm bank has reported several samples replaced with yogurt.

    Project Mayhem: GO!

  33. borgia says:

    I personally am disgusted because I used to shop at this store and as a side note, for a while there were some employee (possibly union) protesters outside of the sunflower market with signs stating unfair labor practices. I wonder if this man was a disgruntled employee or just your isolated bastard.

    I was also irritated that the local papers would initally only state bodily fluids instead of semen leaving you to guess. What are we back in the 50′s?

    • AuntieMaim says:

      I shop at this store, but didn’t know about the protested labor practices. Have you found one without those issues, and if so, where are you shopping now (if you’re still in Burque)?

    • Iron Weasel says:

      The “labor dispute” signs you see around town are actually day laborers hired by a company out of California. The CA company “represents” the Carpenter’s Union 1319, and they stand outside of businesses that didn’t use the union during construction of the building. They aren’t former or current employees of the business, just pawns that a butt-hurt union is using to further their agenda.

  34. mtwmtw says:

    Greek yogurt is nasty anyway. It is sort of salty, I think she was just tasting that.

  35. Cicadymn says:

    She knows a thing or two about the taste of semen.

  36. stock2mal says:

    Looks like Pookie from Burger Shack found a new job.

  37. MountainCop says:

    Two lessons here:

    1 – Don’t fap in the yogurt when serving an expert in ‘yogurt’, and
    2 – Don’t fap in the yogurt when you have outstanding warrants.

    Here endeth the lesson.

  38. Mold says:

    How, exactly, does union activity equate with sex offenses?
    Umm…there is this ‘thing’ that ‘mommies and daddies’ do when they ‘love each other’. Duh.
    If you are ignorant, please don’t go on a thread and tell everyone.

    • borgia says:

      The connection is that that if you have discontented union employees protesting, they will show their discontent. If you add a discontented union employee who is a sex criminal they would possibly act out in a manner like this. The point was not to imply a union conspiracy but to look for a subtext to this man’s actions. If you can understand that. However, as Iron Weasel has pointed out, the protesters were not employees but another union protesting sunflowers building practices. So, the point is moot.

  39. haggis for the soul says:

    Yep, yogurt with blueberries this morning. Thanks a heap, Consumerist!

  40. iParadox{InLove} says:

    It’s not very hard to pick out the taste of semen in something.
    But then again, I’ve noticed different people taste differently.

  41. AuntieMaim says:

    Oh my God, this is the store where I buy about 90% of my groceries. So, so glad I’ve never encountered a yogurt sample there.

  42. haggis for the soul says:

    We are here at Sunflower Market, where we’ve secretly replaced the fine yogurt they usually serve with semen. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference.

  43. Spiro_Agnew says:

    I prefer my Mangurt in Wolf-Bacon flavor.

  44. evnmorlo says:

    The purulent discharge from an industrially abused animal infected with bacteria would be no problem, but fresh and pure semen is?

  45. Rectilinear Propagation says:

    So, is someone going to add this to the Real Life – High Octane Nightmare Fuel page? Because I think this counts.

  46. msgogo says:

    it smells like Clorox…but it tastes like the junior prom

  47. Rectilinear Propagation says:

    BTW, there’s some pretty f—ed up views about sex in the comments.

  48. razz4901 says:

    Was it greek yogurt?

  49. Mcshonky says:

    WOW.

    How will she explain this to her kids?

    How will she explain this to her husband, who can’t get her to “indulge”.

    • haggis for the soul says:

      Who says she doesn’t indulge? She recognizes the taste, doesn’t she? Why does everyone assume that once people get married all the good sex goes out the window?

      • Papa Bear says:

        Really! I thought the sex got better after marriage – both times. I mean both times I got married not had sex after marriage! If it doesn’t, you are doing something wrong.

    • brownhb says:

      Someone’s projecting. . .

  50. lostalaska says:

    What the hell is manchowder!? I thought you said it was clam chowder!

  51. PortlandBeavers says:

    How did she know what semen tasted like? Oh……

  52. 451.6 says:

    I am so happy that I don’t read Consumerist until I get home. My breakfast is always yogurt during the weekday.

  53. melati says:

    HOW, WHY DOES THIS ILLEGAL ALIEN CRIMINAL HAVE A JOB AND I DON’T? How many ligitimate candidates did he beat out? un effing-believeable.

  54. mharris127 says:

    I am glad that the grocery stores that I shop in don’t serve semen-flavored yogurt. Since this is a family-friendly site I won’t go any further.