No Sexy Sex Games For Kinect Arriving Any Time Soon

Start crying your salty, dirty tears now, gaming perverts — Microsoft has decided to block the release of a developer’s sex game for the Kinect. And by sex game, we of course mean a weird experience involving manhandling cartoon ladies. Classy!

Kotaku reports that the high-minded folks over at GameThriXXX, who claimed to be working on the previously mentioned sex game, are getting the smackdown treatment.

“Xbox is a family friendly games and entertainment console and does not allow Adults Only (AO) content to be certified for use on its platform, and would not condone this type of game for Kinect” a Microsoft spokesperson told IGN.

It’s quite possible that there is nothing lamer than a game that would enable sad, lonely dudes to virtually feel up pixelated women. About as lame as breaking your TV playing the controller-less Kinect during an early morning intense volleyball game.

The good news for sex-starved shut-ins? ThriXXX’s developers are said to be working on adding Kinect support to their PC games in the next year.

There Will Be No Kintect Sex Game [Kotaku]

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  1. penuspenuspenus says:

    Mmmhmm, and Rumble Roses was fun for the whole family.

  2. Griking says:

    I don’t get it, Kinect is only a controller.

    Does Microsoft also have the right to tell me what programs I can and can’t use my mouse to control?

    • pythonspam says:

      Of course m$ does… you don’t own anything, just license it.

    • HeroOfHyla says:

      All of the big console makers refuse to allow AO-rated games on their consoles. People can find ways around the blocks by installing custom firmware or something, but that’d void your warranty, I’d imagine.

      Hell, Nintendo’s always been doing this. They put patented lockout chips in there cartridges as early as the SNES, to prevent unlicensed games from being played.

    • drizzt380 says:

      No, they don’t have the right to tell you what you can and cannot use with the system they sell.

      However, you chose to buy it a certain configuration. That configuration being that it can only use games approved by Microsoft. You can attempt to change that if you wish, but its still pretty much the death penalty for a game if Microsoft doesn’t approve it.

      People create these kind of games to make money. They can’t stand to have their market share reduced even further to people who mod their systems, have a kinect, and are into this kind of thing.

      If you want to look at virtual boobs, I’m 90% sure you have another Microsoft product that is perfectly capable of that.

  3. Jasen says:

    I can still kill cops and hookers in GTA though, right?

  4. Cheap Sniveler: Sponsored by JustAnswer.comâ„¢ says:

    This could cause some serious moral dilemmas. I mean, Betty or Wilma?

  5. pop top says:

    Someone is a fan of The IT Crowd. :)

    I’m sure in about ten-fifteen years, there will be AO games available on consoles for everyone to play.

  6. mbgrabbe says:

    Xbox is just buying itself some PR points for the holiday season… they don’t want to look like porn pushers the week before Christmas. They’ll give in eventually.

    • HeroOfHyla says:

      I seriously doubt it, considering this has been the policy of pretty much every console since lockout devices were developed.

  7. raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

    Darn, my friend was SO excited when he read about these yesterday.

    Xbox is *not* a family-oriented console. All of the best games (imo) that have been released for it over the past two years have been rated M. M is not kid-friendly.

  8. Mighty914 says:

    I’m still waiting for a game that can integrate my fleshlight.

  9. UCLAri: Allergy Sufferer says:

    You poor things! You’ll have to actually go out and try to meet real women!

    People getting upset about this sort of stuff– especially those who have no plans to actually use the product– is just hilarious. But what will I do without my Kinect porn? The iniquity of it all!

    (For the record: I am a gamer, I have purchased nearly every console produced since the NES, and have had a relatively current PC since 1994 to play games on.)

  10. mike says:

    Microsoft is pulling an Apple by dictating what can and cannot be published. They shouldn’t be policing content.

    • Daggertrout says:

      To be fair, none of the major console manufacturers allow AO rated games to be published for their systems. Just like how no major theater chain will show an NC-17 movie.

    • UCLAri: Allergy Sufferer says:

      Yes, they should. The Xbox is a major brand for them, and they need to ensure that that brand remains positive with their customer base.

      • c!tizen says:

        gotta play a little DA here, sorry.

        With that logic should MS be able to block people from looking at adult sites if they’re running Windows 7? It’s also a huge brand for them, their biggest in fact, but that doesn’t mean they should be able to dictate what a user can do with it once it’s been purchased.

        For the record, I agree that the whole AO thing is stupid, but to each their own. I’m also a gamer and agree that the xbox is a gaming console, I have 2 of them so I don’t have to share with my g/f (I’m what the guys in the gaming community refer to as a “lucky man”), but this also lends itself to the stigma that gaming is exclusively for children.

        I had to pay for the xbox, I have to pay for xbox live, I have to pay for downloadable content, I have to pay for the games and the add-ons to them. I would also have to pay for this type of game if it were available. The choice should ultimately be up to the consumer. I pass on buying games all the time, either because they’re not what I’m into or they just suck to play, but MS, rightfully so, lets me make that decision which is exactly what they need to do here. Nintendo has a reputation for being more child/family oriented so I can see, and would expect this from them, but MS has never been that way. I can shoot, stab, and t-bag other players (a good portion of whom are children) as well as listen to a 10 year old tell me what he’s going to do to my dear mother because I squeezed the trigger before he did, but all of the sudden now MS grows a conscience?

        Ok, DA has left the building…

    • Sumtron5000 says:

      I can see why Microsoft decides what content is appropriate for their consoles. What if someone decided to make the most offensive game possible? People would be flipping out and saying Microsoft promotes that.

  11. RandomHookup says:

    I think they are confusing this with XXXbox.

  12. Das G says:

    Microsoft has been dieing to break into the Japanese market for years. This is their golden opportunity.

    • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

      Clearly a cultural double standard. There are already fully licensed games for the XBox, PS3, even the Wii and DSi in Japan that would make a western Soccer Mom blush.

      • UCLAri: Allergy Sufferer says:

        Yes, because that’s acceptable there. It’s not acceptable here.

        I also don’t exactly lose sleep over the fact that we don’t have loli tentacle rape sims here in the US.

        • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

          I have more of an issue that their statement instead didn’t read:
          “Xbox is a family friendly games and entertainment console and does not allow Adults Only (AO) content to be certified for use on its platform except when it can make us a lot more money than pretending to be a bunch of prudes, like we do in Japan.”

          • UCLAri: Allergy Sufferer says:

            I think it also bears mentioning that many of the “Z” rated games in Japan got the Z for violence, and not sex.

            It’s also not a double standard, given that the product in Japan and the product in the US should be treated differently, given different cultural tastes. There’s a reason why there aren’t a lot of horse racing games released in the US.

  13. Rackoff493 says:

    Perhaps it is cause I am logical, but who cares if this game is out? You have games like GTA where you can kill drug dealers and have sex with prostitutes but this goes too far? Seems a bit weird.

  14. Red Cat Linux says:

    Strangely, I’m in Microsoft’s corner on this one. They created a closed platform, it’s their right to control who plays in their sandbox. Same with Apple.

    When the happy people in the open source arena create a viable mainstream console, rest assured that the open source guys will let the XXX crowd do as they please.

    But that whole “family friendly’ shtick was good for a laugh. Nothing like playing Dragon Age with the kiddies with the perpetual gore turned on.

    • raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

      I like games that make gore an option, it just amuses me. Brütal Legend did a good job of that; you could choose to have gore on or off, and profanity had an optional bleeper.

      I mean, really, what is the difference between Mature and Adults Only? There is none. Kids are not allowed to buy either, so why make the distinction at all? “Oh no, nudity! We might lose some of our Mature audience if there are visible naked bits.” Really? :/

      • UCLAri: Allergy Sufferer says:

        I think the difference is like the difference between R and X ratings for films (though X has sort of died off). There is a fine line at times, but it’s there.

      • HeroOfHyla says:

        Parents would get in trouble if someone found out they let their kids play AO games. They wouldn’t with M.

      • Red Cat Linux says:

        Please tell me you are kidding. Oh, yes… there is indeed a difference.

        AO content is the heir to the old XXX designation, as well as the extreme violence and gore category. Nobody plays an X rated game because they have awesome boss fights and an intuitive skill and leveling system.

        Here is the list of current AO rated games. It’s short, and not surprising.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_AO-rated_products

        What’s interesting are the titles that cleaned up in order to stay off the list.

        • coren says:

          It’s funny, some of the games on that list have sequels which are *worse* and didn’t pull the AO rating.

    • mythago says:

      The ‘persistent gore’ option wasn’t really the kid-unfriendly part of Dragon Age….

      • Red Cat Linux says:

        Oh, you mean the whole “I can has demon babby?” thing? Really, not that racy either. besides, you have to play through a lot of persistent gore before you get to that part.

  15. Joe_Bloe says:

    I don’t know if the guys at Penny Arcade will be heartbroken, or relieved.

    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/11/29/

  16. dr_drift says:

    So if your hands are the controller, then who’s touching your junk?

  17. Zeke_D says:

    How else is the TSA going to train their perverts, I mean agents?

  18. yessongs says:

    If they want to sell a million units they would develop one that does everything

  19. Mecharine says:

    Yeah, I guess its better if those sad guys killed aliens on their Xbox 360. Either way, that sexual frustration goes somewhere.

  20. yessongs says:

    This would be the perfect opportunity for all those geeks living in their Mom’s basement to actually get some.

  21. El_Fez says:

    No fondling artificial boobies? Drat! Ah well, I guess it’s back to murdering cops and whores in Liberty City for me!

  22. Reading_Comprehension says:

    I make my own sexy games at home

  23. Not Given says:

    Somebody would make a mint if they built a game console that already had AO games ready to go. If they can hit the market before the other manufacturers give in.

  24. Rose says:

    Yeah, it’s Sony that has several teledildonic patents. /smirk

  25. gman863 says:

    Once the Kinect is available in a Windows PC platform (either as an official MS product or a $10 while-you-wait hack at the flea market) the virtual orgy will begin.

    My perverted predictions for 2011 and beyond:

    * 3D TV + Kinect = An epidemic increase of ones that last over four hours.

    * Virtual one-on-one sex over the Internet (a.k.a. Phone Sex 2.0). Consumerist headline will read Consumerist Reader Receives $20,000 American Express Bill for Getting his Cyber-Freak On.

    * Interactive uh.. “toys” will hit the market that respond to and enhance virtual moneyshots.