Gold Pills Makes You Poop Gold

Now you can make your own Golden Poo trophies at home with the line of Gold Pills by Citizen:Citizen. For just $425, these 24k gold leaf filled capsules will “turn your innermost parts into chambers of wealth.”

The price tag is a little steep, and the product page says it’s temporarily unavailable, so why not just take some shots of gold glitter instead?

Gold Pills [CITIZEN:Citizen] (Thanks to Nicole!)

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  1. McRib wants to know if you've been saved by the Holy Clown says:

    o_o

  2. FilthyHarry says:

    Conceivably you could make a bundle winning bar bets with this. Just start off with the drunken boast: I Crap Gold!!!

  3. VOIDMunashii says:

    Send that in to Cash 4 Gold and see what happens ;D

  4. danmac says:

    Someone clearly wants to kill Kanye West.

  5. AngryK9 says:

    Humans are such strange creatures.

  6. Jubes says:

    It would be cheaper to buy some edible gold leaf at a gourmet food store if one really had the urge to turn their poop gold.

    With that said, it would be kind of funny, in a disgusting way lol

  7. Slave For Turtles says:

    I make my own sparkly poop at home (which is to say I have cats who will snack on tinsel).

    • IT-Princess: I work in IT, you owe me $1 says:

      Ha! Years ago when I first had kittens on their first Christmas I freaked out that they were sick til I realized all the red was far too shiny. Tinsel poop.

    • Rena says:

      You know, that stuff can really tear up their innards…

  8. Blueskylaw says:

    This gold leaf will add the finishing touch to my white truffle souffle.

  9. Darrone says:

    This is what goldschlager does, if you drink enough.

  10. crashfrog says:

    Gold – it’s poisonous, you know.

    • cynical_reincarnation says:

      au shucks…

      • SecretShopper: pours out a lil' liquor for the homies Wasp & Otter says:

        I see what you did there, well played sir or madam

    • YouDidWhatNow? says:

      No it isn’t…if it was, they wouldn’t have used it for fillings. It’s organically inert.

      • eccsame says:

        Yep, it is. In fact, they recently discovered that Henry II’s mistress died from gold poisoning because she drank a gold elixir meant to keep her young.

        Look up gold poisoning in Google – see what happens.

        • YouDidWhatNow? says:

          I did…and the general consensus is that gold is organically inert. In it’s pure form. Salts of gold can be very bio-active, and actually some are used medicinally.

          Pure Au though isn’t going to do anything in your body.

        • Clyde Barrow says:

          I just posted a messsage and I thought it was an egyptian queen. I knew I read of someone drinking this stuff and dying. my bad.

      • Shadowfax says:

        Poor reasoning. They used mercury for fillings too.

    • Clyde Barrow says:

      I was wondering when someone was going to say that and you’re right. But of course some numnut will take it regardless of knowing this or will take it and say, “I didn’t know”. There was some Egyptian queen that was found in her mummified state with a belly full of gold because apparently they drank liquid gold back in those days. It’s figured the gold killed her.

    • YouDidWhatNow? says:

      Although it pains me to refer to Wikipedia, it is expedient…

      “However, since metallic gold is inert to all body chemistry, it adds no taste nor has it any other nutritional effect and leaves the body unaltered.”

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold#Food_and_drink

  11. Liam Kinkaid says:

    Finally, something that can turn the video with the two lovely ladies and the single, solitary cup from a fringe fetishist shock video into an upper crust, haute couture affair. Top hats, monocles, and a smattering of golden chocolate gelato for all!

    • Venus Blue says:

      Today I learned that if you read funny comments and start to giggle before you hit the mute button, your customer doesn’t think you are taking their concern seriously :) Thanks for the giggles anyway!

    • NashuaConsumerist says:

      Wow…. I don’t know if I should commend you or damn you for re-painting that picture in my head….

  12. Cicadymn says:

    Such is the bounty of mans avarice and gluttony that he seeks to turn his insides to gold.

  13. bball123h says:

    So are we making our own Golden Poo trophies now?

  14. Holybalheadedchrist! says:

    For what reason could one possibly want to make their poop gold? I can think of absolutely no situation where my response would be “then I could eat some gold pills and make gold poop.”

    I swear to god, if Osama bin Laden were standing next to me with an AK-47 to my head and said “Eat these pills. They leave trace bits of gold in your stool,” I would probably still just look at him and be all like, “wha?” I mean, that dude is crazy, crazy I tell you! And STILL–I cannot imagine him wanting his poop to be flecked with gold.

    What would one do with this? I mean, OK. You’ve dropped a fry cook’s ransom on gold pills, you’ve waited the requisite, what? Ten, twelve hours, then headed into the john for a satisfying dump. And there you stand, finger on the lever looking into the bowl. What is the feeling you have? Satisfaction? Relief? That happens without the gold.

    I don’t mean to be crass, but do you take it back? How are you doing anything but flushing 400 bucks worth of gold down the toilet after an exciting little detour? Do you tell your friends? Facebook it? I mean, I have never considered this idea, ever, but it seems like it would be cheaper to just photoshop that shit.

    Man, I am so angry at this company for making me think about this.

    • Blueskylaw says:

      Relax. people who have this much money don’t see anything as a waste of money because there is just so much of it. Teresa Heinz once paid about $10,000 to have a fire hydrant moved because it was in front of her favorite parking spot at some store.

    • YouDidWhatNow? says:

      Poop in a bag and send it to Cash4Gold. Win/win.

  15. RxDude says:

    Or you could get acquainted with Mr. Goldfinger.

  16. Hungry Dog says:

    Nothing says Playa more than putting hundreds of dollars into the septic system with each flush. YEEEAHH!.

  17. Hungry Dog says:

    Actually this is a great product. I can now sh#7 anywhere in public and if anybody tries to stop me I can just say I am redistributing the wealth.

  18. YouDidWhatNow? says:

    Just drink lots of Goldschalger. You’ll still poop gold, but it’ll be more fun getting it in there…and when you’re drunk and passed out on the floor, at least you’ll smell good – mmm…cinnamon.

    • Sian says:

      I have a friend who can’t so much as *look* at Goldschlager without getting nauseous because of a similar incident.

      • stopNgoBeau says:

        I’m not the friend you speak of, but I have a similar reaction for a similar reason. At least the ride back to my apartment in a cop car was fun.

  19. usernameandp says:

    This Connection is Untrusted

    • LocalH says:

      I noticed that too. I doubt, even if I did have the money, that I would send these people any money, given that they can’t set up their web server to handle SSL.

  20. SkokieGuy says:

    On Wall Street, these are referred to as “vitamins”

  21. Warren - aka The Piddler on the Roof says:

    What. The. F*ck?

  22. Wasabe says:

    Didn’t David Cross make a joke about this?

  23. midwestkel says:

    Dave Chappelle would be proud! It makes my dookie twinkle son!

  24. aja175 says:

    I wonder if it would set off the airport metal detectors?

  25. Chairman-Meow says:

    If I had the spare cash lying around, i would love to try this. Then I would take the …*ahem* results and mail them to Cash-4-Gold.com

  26. KyBash says:

    Only good use for these that I can imagine is mixing up a slurry for an enema — just the thing to brighten up a prostate exam!

  27. Daverson says:

    On a somewhat related note, drinking a quart of blue Hawaiian Punch will turn your shit a bright Kelly green.

  28. BeyondtheTech says:

    In a similar vein, try eating a lot of dried seaweed snacks. You’ll see what I mean.

  29. Awesome McAwesomeness says:

    Shouldn’t the author of this be Ben Poopken?

  30. Darkneuro says:

    Actually, I’ve noticed the effect when you drink ungodly amounts of Goldschlager schnapps.

  31. powdered beefmeat says:

    what if you get the runs? do you then crap change?

  32. Spiro_Agnew says:

    Would you fart gold dust?

  33. Danjalier says:

    Gold as a nutritional supplement: You’re doing it wrong.

    Monatomic Gold! Monatomic! Not actual metallic gold! Sparkly poo means it went in one end and out the other! At least with monatomic gold, you can’t tell if it’s really causing superconductivity between the nerve endings in your brain or not.

  34. piscesdreamer222 says:

    Not impressed. I want to sh*t diamonds, not gold. What a lame idea.