Canned Unicorn Meat Hits Market

Just in time for an unforgettable Thanksgiving, canned unicorn meat is here. Yes, this is a real product which you can purchase and open.

Originally an April Fool’s joke over at ThinkGeek, the site ran into a bit of legal trouble after the Pork Board sent them a C&D for appropriating their slogan, “The Other White Meat.”

After retooling the product formula and a new tagline, canned unicorn meat is here. It’s really just a quartered and sliced unicorn plushie in a can, but that’s still pretty cool.

I have not personally tested this product but it appears to be an excellent source of sparkles.

Canned Unicorn Meat [ThinkGeek]

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  1. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    “I have not personally tested this product but it appears to be an excellent source of sparkles.”

    If you RTFA, sparkles are not found on the body of a unicorn. It provides you with your FDA allotment of magic, dreams, wishes, giggles, smiles, rainbows, stars, happiness, kisses, love, sunshine, surprises, hugs, hopes, and (who knew?) superglue.

    Sorry, Ben, but…

    You’ve been RTFA’d!

    • Speak says:

      If you would RTFC (Read The F***’n Can) you would see it actually says “Excellent source of sparkles”.

    • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

      Hmm, they claim “Excellent source of sparkles!”, but I see no mention of the sparkles in the cuts of meat. This is shady advertising claims!

      Okay, Ben – I’ll call this one a draw.

      • Phil Villakeepinitrreal says:

        I like how you get to call a draw with Ben on a debate that never existed, seeing as Ben never engaged you on this foolishness (and rightly so). Also, calling a draw when you were wrong?

        Man up and admit you were being an ass and an idiot. Then apologize.

        • magus_melchior says:

          Well, to be fair, it is a bit like the Black Knight saying “All right, we’ll call it a draw.”

          (Bonus points to those who get the reference…)

          • MongoAngryMongoSmash says:

            No bonus points… do not give bonus points for a reference that should be clearly understood no matter what.

            If you have to give bonus points than I fart in your general direction.

    • popsnicker says:

      WTF?

      In TFA the second line is “Excellent source of sparkles!” The can states “Excellent source of sparkles”

      Besides, everyone knows that this product contains plenty of the good old vitamin S without having to artificially fortify it which would require a separate ingredient listing.

      I think you’ve been RTFA’d

    • LightningUsagi says:

      The description of the product also states “Sparkly meat lends the unmistakable air of class and sophistication to your parties.”

    • Blueskylaw says:

      Please stop with the RTFA. It smacks of egotism and self-importance, and when someone called you out all you could say was Hmm and call it a draw.

      • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

        The beating will continue until moral improves.

        • Phil Villakeepinitrreal says:

          Stop being an idiot already. Please.

          Right on the can: “Excellent source of sparkles”.
          In the product specs: “•Sparkly meat lends the unmistakable air of class and sophistication to your parties”.

          Ben’s own post that you’re complainign about said “I have not personally tested this product but it appears to be an excellent source of sparkles”.

          It doesn’t MATTER what the diagram shows, he’s referring to the can’s claims and the product specs. Which means you, yourself, did not RTFA, or you would have known that.

    • Hoot says:

      You’re just plain annoying, given the fact that most of the time you gloss over specifics of the article and are merely looking for an internet argument.

      • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

        I rarely don’t make an honest attempt to see every word of an article, even the long ones. I also don’t RTFA you unless you ask a question that is clearly answered in the article, or contradict something clearly stated in the article. I won’t RTFA you if you miss something suble or a more complex concept.

        And here, it’s clearly an article meant for levity. So, just relax and enjoy the unicorns!

        • Platypi {Redacted} says:

          I think you are losing credibility trying to explain this one. You missed the italic point of the article, stood up and yelled about the author not RTFA, and now are trying to explain it away. RTFA yourself, fall on the sword, and the overall pain may be lessened. Keep trying to justify your own F-up, and it just makes you sound like a hypocrite.

          Yes, this is a light article, but your first post was clearly lacking a sarcasm or joke tag, so you have to face the consequences!

          • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

            Do you really need a /joke tag on an article about Unicorns?

            Maybe I’m biased, because I know I DID read the article, which no one can prove/disprove, including myself. However, I did have to hand rtpe all the cuts of unicorn meat, so that would show I took some time to understand the article.

            But if you truly require me to fall on the sword, I have no objection in this case.

            I’ve been RTFA’d!

    • human_shield says:

      Dude, enough already.

    • Not a Fan Boy says:

      Hate to break it you you but you didn’t RTFP (read the friendly picture), the can clearly says that unicorn meat is an excellent source of sparkles.

      That. Just. Happened.

  2. YamiNoSenshi says:

    The FDA recommends you limit your intake of sparkles to 50 miliTwilights a day.

    I’m sorry.

  3. blogger X says:

    …will it grant wishes?

  4. savvy9999 says:

    product WIN

    I’m not that cruel, but my preschool-age daughter, whose world is a carefully constructed universe of rainbows and angels and princesses, would cry a fucking Ganges if she opened this… mutilated unicorns have no place in her pink, sparkly-filled reality.

    • Blueskylaw says:

      “would cry a fucking Ganges”

      That made me laugh so hard. The visual images going through my head are stunning.

      • Hoot says:

        Me too! So tired of this “cry me a river” garbage. Now we have to start naming the rivers!

        • Platypi {Redacted} says:

          Cry me a “D” River! (this is a TINY chunk of water in Oregon that has been called the shortest river in the world in the past).

    • bwcbwc says:

      Might as well buy some. In a few years, she’ll be up for it, and since it’s canned it’ll keep forever.

  5. stevekuze says:

    What kind of meat is it? Spam? is spam made form unicorns? is that why i love spam so much?!?!?!?

  6. obits3 says:

    I hear that it will make you horny

  7. Groanan says:

    That’s the FDA/EPA for ya,

    We can eat all the unicorns we want, but one restaurant finally starts selling some delicious whale meat from the back of a van in their parking lot and it is shut down immediately.

    Last I checked there were far more whales than unicorns >

  8. SonarTech52 says:

    I’d like to order just the horn, I wonder if you can use the horn like a wand, or do you have to eat it to get the magic..

  9. TommyTutone says:

    Call me when they open up a KFG by my house (Kentucky Fried Griffon).

  10. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    So that’s what happens when you dash when you should have jumped…

  11. mandy_Reeves says:

    So many people on my message board holiday grab bags are gonna get this from me.

  12. Platypi {Redacted} says:

    Ben – 1
    Loias – 0

    No Draw here. Loias loses.

    • Platypi {Redacted} says:

      Well THAT was supposed to go somewhere else! I will just use the comment editing feature to fix it…..oh wait!

      • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

        Clearly, YOU lose : – )

        • Platypi {Redacted} says:

          Acknowledged. I fail with the commenting system. I feel good that I am in excellent company, with many other members of the community that have struggled with double posts and inappropriately linked replies. DOH!

          Ben – 1
          Loias – 0
          Platypi – Ejected for unsportsmanlike conduct

  13. framitz says:

    I’ll try it once I see a Representative from the manufacturer eat one. I suspect plushies don’t go down easy.

  14. Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh says:

    Awww, I was hoping it would be Pinko Brand Unicorn Meat. I am disappointed.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=182sPmNJV2w

  15. code65536 says:

    “Taste the rainbow!”

  16. cupcake_ninja says:

    Wait…will it be subjected to the shrink ray in the future? If so, I want to stock up now…

  17. RyansChestHair says:

    Does anyone but me find it strange that on Think Geek’s website, they say the “product” in the an is 14ounces, yet you can clearly see the can in picture reads “5.5oz.” Not that I care. I just found it odd. I’m still buying a can for an x-mas gift. I think its really cool.

  18. Segador says:

    I’ve ordered 3 as gifts.

  19. Memtex784 says:

    I like the picture. Funny!