Conan Dares NBC To Sue Him Over Masturbating Bear

It’s always tricky when a popular talk show host changes networks and tries to bring some of his associated gags and characters along with them. That’s the situation facing Conan O’Brien as he preps to launch his new TBS show and expects the suits at his former network NBC to have some complaints.

“I won’t be denied my Masturbating Bear!” he tells Rolling Stone about the self-gratifying furry character, which pleased itself on the Late Night stage for many years. “If there’s something we did for a long time that we’ve established as ours, we’ll figure out a way to do it…. What I really wanna do is be sued over the bear and then appear in court with the Masturbating Bear. ‘Your Honor, this bear can’t help himself!'”

During Conan’s Legally Prohibited concert tour, wherein the red-headed giant pushed his severance agreement with NBC to the limit, the Masturbating Bear was replaced by a not-dissimilar character called Self-Pleasuring Panda.

Conan O’Brien will not be denied his Masturbating Bear [AVClub.com]

Comments

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  1. RxDude says:

    I want the Gaseous Weiner! With cheese!!!

  2. apd09 says:

    I make my own masturbating bears at home.

    • Mundo says:

      No. Just no.

      • apd09 says:

        Yes, yes, oh yes, yes.

        you absolutely kicked the door open for that response, all I did was walk through smiling, happy to oblige.

    • Fafaflunkie Plays His World's Smallest Violin For You says:

      I don’t want to know the answer as to how you make your own masturbating bears, at home or otherwise. Therefore, I won’t ask the question.

  3. AI says:

    Just change the bear costume slightly, then claim it’s a completely different bear that also likes masturbating.
    NBC may have the rights to ‘The Masturbating Bear’, but it doesn’t have rights to every bear that likes pulling it.

    • kenj0418 says:

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s a zookeeper somewhere with some footage of ‘prior art’ that could invalidate NBCs claim for all bears.

      • MaxH42 thinks RecordStoreToughGuy got a raw deal says:

        “This isn’t THE Masturbating Bear, this is just *A* Masturbating Bear….”

  4. chaesar says:

    whatever, as long as its masturbating

  5. edosan says:

    What would NBC’s argument be? “Jay Leno is going to use it”? Riiiight…

    • Mobius says:

      They want to retain the rights so they can make it into a horrible flop of a movie like all their other SNL bits.

  6. georgi55 says:

    I dare Conan to be funny.

    • dolemite says:

      Here’s the thing. He’s one of the best comic writers of our time. Sorry, it’s true. He wrote the funniest sketches on SNL, and the funniest episodes of Simpsons were also during his period on the show. Perhaps he isn’t the best stand up comic or host, but as a writer, there aren’t many people that can hold a candle to him.

      Now, if you are saying Leno is funny and Conan isn’t…well, there’s just no hope for ya.

    • bravo369 says:

      conan is hilarious. I cannot believe NBC chose Leno over Conan. I have boycotted the Leno since the whole thing went down and will never watch his show again

  7. zantafio says:

    It’s Comedy Central who should sue: this is clearly a ripoff from South Park’s Sexual Harassment Panda

  8. YamiNoSenshi says:

    I would read all of the court documents, especially Conan’s testimony.

  9. Mike says:

    What about Camel Toe Annie? Every forgets about Camel Toe Annie!

    http://www.videovat.com/videos/964/camel-toe-annie.aspx

  10. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    The guy in the suit must have the best job in America.

  11. holden190 says:

    Just more proof that this moron has a frat-boy mentality.

  12. redskull says:

    How about the Self-Gratifying Ursine?

    OK, let’s say NBC actually does own this character. What the frak are they ever going to do with it? Give it its own show? Use it on the nightly news?

    I supposed it’s just a case of them not wanting Conan to have it because it might help out his new (competing) show.

  13. hotcocoa says:

    That video was from 1/2 a year ago…..is there actually a lawsuit brewing now or what’s the big deal?

  14. AstroWorn2010 says:

    Didn’t something similar happen when Letterman left NBC for CBS?

    • cybrczch says:

      Yep. That’s why when Calvert DeForest appeared on “The Late Show” he was never Larry ‘Bud’ Melman – NBC claimed that name as ‘intellectual property’

  15. ITDEFX says:

    OH MY GOD! Conan your still the best! Just waiting for you to kick Leno’s ass in November!!

  16. FaustianSlip says:

    C’mon, Conan, just bring back Shoe-verine. I know you fed him into the wood chipper a couple of years back, but with his healing factor, he could make a complete recovery!

  17. Emperor Norton I says:

    I don’t like Conan, but NBC suing him over the Masturbating Bear would be hysterically funny!
    I hope he tells them to fuck off!

  18. Tomas says:

    Actually the idiocy of things such as the masturbating bear and the other things Conan drives into the ground long after they have ceased to be funny are why I simply don’t – and won’t – watch his programs.

    Much of the stuff he uses is of the sort that’s funny once.

    Use it once, you’re a wit, use it twice, your a half-wit, and it’s an exponential progression from there. By the tenth time, it’s no longer even slightly amusing, move on.

    (Uh, yeah, I’m not a fan.)

  19. Fafaflunkie Plays His World's Smallest Violin For You says:

    Been there, done that, still have the T-shirt.

    Your pal, David Letterman.

  20. FacebookAppMaker says:

    Can we get the walker texas ranger lever?

  21. JiminyChristmas says:

    So long as this doesn’t effect Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, I won’t be alarmed.

  22. gman863 says:

    Conan isn’t worried. He knows Comcast will be in charge of NBC by the time anything goes to court.

    Comcast’s lawers will show up three hours late. Unfortunately, taking $20 off the judge’s cable bill won’t solve the issue in NBC’s favor.

    Enough about the bear. I want PimpBot 3000 back from his orginal show.

  23. MrEvil says:

    I don’t know how judges in California roll, but in a place like Texas if a case like this came into his court he’d probably facepalm and dismiss the case so he didn’t have to mess with such utter bullshit. It’s what I’d do if I were a judge.

    Conan probably didn’t want to push into that territory during his stage show because he didn’t have the legal team of Time Warner to defend him.

    That’s one thing NBC would have to prove to a judge or jury in civil court that Conan’s use of the Masturbating bear in his show on TBS causes material harm to NBC. And probably a judge is going to see Conan as doing NBC a favor.

  24. Destra says:

    As much as I love Conan, I’m afraid he’s going to lose this one. “Self-pleasuring Panda” looks to be a derivative work to me. That is, if NBC is stupid enough to brave a PR nightmare and sues him.

    • MrEvil says:

      Not only that, but I don’t know of many jurists that’d take the case seriously and would probably dismiss it as a waste of time.

  25. dush says:

    Technically pandas are not bears. So he’s free and clear.

  26. Mr Sytry says:

    I truly miss Tamari the Ostrich, or even Loser at the Beach, but not the bear.

  27. veg-o-matic says:

    Either way, Pimpbot 5000 needs to make a return.

    Like, NOW.

  28. majortom1981 says:

    why not have something like loser the nice masterbating cat . That should be different enough right?