Hot Flash Spray Evamist Causes Boobs On Pets, Kids

I like FDA warnings like this new one about Evamist, because I can file the symptoms away and use them to impress someone with my Sherlock Holmes skills. Friend: “How did you know she used Evamist?” Me: “Note the tell-tale breasts on her grandchildren and her terrier.”

Anyway, if you or someone you know uses Evamist to treat menopausal hot flashes, you can keep on keeping on–but don’t hug any kids or pets, warns the FDA:

Adverse events reported in unintentionally exposed children include

  • premature puberty, nipple swelling, and breast development in girls
  • breast enlargement in boys

FDA has also received reports of inadvertent exposure in pets. Pets exposed to Evamist may exhibit signs such as mammary/nipple enlargement and vulvar swelling.

The FDA suggests you wear sleeves if you can’t keep kids away when you use it. If you notice “vulvar enlargement” in your pet–yes, you need to start checking for that–call your vet.

“Keep Kids, Pets Away From Skin Sprayed With Evamist” [FDA]

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  1. Rectilinear Propagation says:

    Reminds me of that episode of House where the guy using an “enhancement” gel or something was inadvertently causing his kids to go through puberty due to exposure to it. I think it also gave his girlfriend a mustache.

    • sumocat says:

      Yeah, it’s the same thing except the hormones are on opposite ends: Evamist is an estrogen spray, while the gel in House was testosterone. Basically, if you’re dosing on topical hormones, stay away from kids and animals (and me, just to be safe).

  2. FatLynn says:

    I’d be interested to see how these results compare to the effects of hormones in food, drinking water, etc.

  3. Robofish says:

    all I can think of is WTF

  4. Cicadymn says:

    Color me surprised.

    I could of sworn this was going to be an onion article.

  5. Raekwon says:

    Next up we’ll have articles of high school girls spraying this stuff on themselves.

  6. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    I can see a young girl stealing this to enlarge her breasts.

    • pop top says:

      Kind of creepy…

    • ArcanaJ says:

      It would sure beat stuffing kleenex into your training bra. Uh… not that I would know. *whistles*

    • Rectilinear Propagation says:

      Is it worth the other side effects though? Headaches, joint pain, back pain, and pain in the breasts…and that’s not considering the rarer but more serious side effects.

      (Why do all of these medications have dementia as a side effect?)

      • Moosenogger says:

        Teenagers don’t think of ‘side effects.’ They’re still in that mindset of “It will never happen to me. I can do what I want and live forever.”

        Teenagers haven’t lost their childlike stupidity yet.

      • Conformist138 says:

        Teenagers have special brains. It’s not just anecdotal that teenagers are stupid and take too many risks, it’s been proven with brain scans. Teenagers truly have impaired judgment when making choices based on consequences, side effects, or anything that isn’t immediate. Even really smart and “mature” teens are less than reliable decision makers when they really want something. The mind tricks younger people into feeling like Superman, which is great for people to try new things and be adventurous, but bad when it translates to driving drunk at 100mph or spraying chemicals on themselves. The good news is most of us have our gray matter solidify and give us a better sense of self-preservation.

        But, I was a B-cup in the 5th grade and a DD by my freshman year of high school, so i was usually hoping to make my boobs go away; making them bigger was the stuff of my nightmares.

  7. smo0 says:

    Well damn… all of those “herbal breast enlargement” treatments can be thrown away with this stuff… I see potential….

    Otherwise, creepy.

  8. c!tizen says:

    Boobs in a bottle, huh.

  9. rahntwo says:

    In a related article…Commodity futures for silicone have taken a nosedive for some unknown reason.

  10. savvy9999 says:

    I’m no 45-year-old woman, but silly me I thought spraying cold water on oneself would help alleviate a hot flash?

    Nah, instead let’s create some frankenhormone spray that turns anything and everything into tits.

    • pop top says:

      You must not know anything about menopause if you think that cold water is 100% effective in treating what is essentially a hormonal imbalance.

      • RvLeshrac says:

        Cold water will cool you down. It doesn’t stop the hormonal “imbalance.” But that hormonal “imbalance” is a natural part of life. It isn’t a disease, and doesn’t need to be “cured.”

    • Antediluvian says:

      Spraying cold water on women can also create hot flashes in straight men and lesbians, although I’m told the reaction is also directly dependent on the nature of the tshirt worn in the contest.

  11. koalabare says:

    This shouldn’t really be a surprise. It is well known that testosterone gels rubbing off have the same symptoms, but on the male side (early puberty, penis growth, etc in males. I know it affects females but I don’t remember how.)

  12. Fuzzy_duffel_bag says:

    my nipples are swelling just from reading this

  13. brinks says:

    Is causing dogs and boys to grow boobs enough of a safety hazard to get it taken off the market?

  14. blinky says:

    Does this really need to be a product, given the relatively unnecessary nature of the product and potential side effects to others? Premature puberty??

    • pantheonoutcast says:

      Half the “medications” on the market don’t really need to be a product. But as long as the Baby-boomers own and operate the drug companies, you can be sure that their ilk will never have to experience even half a second of discomfort or displeasure.

      • pop top says:

        If you think that menopause is “half a second of discomfort or displeasure” then you are an idiot.

      • myCatCracksMeUp says:

        half a second of discomfort or displeasure.

        Hot flashes are a lot worse than a little discomfort or displeasure. They totally suck.

        Try to imagine that your body has suddenly become a furnace and is generating immense heat from deep within. Actually you can’t imagine it – it’s something that has to be experienced to understand it; but trust me it can be very miserable.

        AND – it is embarrassing at work when sweat suddenly starts dripping down your face and you shirt becomes wet from sweat.

        • Dunkelzahn says:

          Similar to taking Niacin, perhaps?

          Sorry, never experienced menopause, but it’s the best I could offer.

    • Rectilinear Propagation says:

      relatively unnecessary nature of the product

      Yeah, I’d need to see some proof that hot flashes are always only minor annoyances before I believe that.

      potential side effects to others

      Key word ‘potential’. You have to come into contact with pets or kids before something can happen. If you aren’t ever around pets or kids this is a non-issue. Pulling this from the market is kind of overkill since only some women would be unable to use it at all.

    • thekevinmonster says:

      I watched a documentary on menopause on the discovery channel (I think), back before science channels turned into reality TV channels. It went to somewhere (I think rural Brazil?) and found that women there were not desperate to ameliorate menopausal symptoms but were actually glad to no longer have their cycle. The show basically made the argument that menopause in terms of its symptoms was a developed world thing and that, while women go through it anywhere, they don’t really care or welcome it in other places.

      • myCatCracksMeUp says:

        I was thrilled to no longer have menustral cycles, but going through the hot flashes was quite miserable a lot of the time.

  15. rbb says:

    Imagine if one country’s Womens (a misnomer – they are actually pre-pubescent girls…) gymnastic team secretly used this on their rivals…

  16. GTB says:

    Wait, are you telling me we now have a magical boobie-growing drug?

    My god, GET ME MY STOCK BROKER.

  17. Big Mama Pain says:

    That’s tits!

  18. evilpete says:

    Spray on boobs!!

  19. MarvinMar says:

    Teenage girls everywhere run out to buy Evamist and be the most popular girl in school.
    DR 90210 disproves.

  20. MarvinMar says:

    Slipping Evalist into your mans Old Spice= Priceless

    “Ladies, Does your man have breasts like me? No, He Can”

  21. tekgk says:

    But are these temporary boobs like the temporary hair from Rogaine?

  22. kamikasee says:

    I see some potential for the most horrifying prank ever. Frat boys will never be the same.

  23. wee_willie says:

    Given a choice between taking hormones and possibly having a heart attack or getting breast cancer, and hurting those I love, I’ll take the pills.

  24. khooray says:

    Well, I just lost 130 pounds in 9 months and I went from a 46 DD to a 32 B, so maybe I can use this stuff and get some boobs again.

    • Oranges w/ Cheese says:

      You still have boobs – don’t you think that some of that weight you lost was fat? Breasts are a lot of fat and tend to scale up and down with body size.

  25. DanGarion says:

    AWESOME! Boob enlarging spray!