Coffee Shop Reopens After Entire Staff Quit, Business Is Tepid

Gorilla Coffee, closed for 16 days after its entire staff quit simultaneously, has reopened, to decidedly decaf customer response.

There were just three patrons when I visited this morning at 8:35, a time when it wouldn’t be uncommon for the line to be out the door. An all-new staff worked behind the counter. I don’t know if I was just looking for faults but my large coffee, which normally makes me feel like I could rip apart the fabric of reality with my bare hands, only rated a “market perform.” We may never know what horrible injustices the old barristas suffered at the hands of their fascist bean barons, but maybe it takes a little mean to make a mean cup of coffee.

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PREVIOUSLY: Entire Coffee Shop Staff Quits Simultaneously
RELATED: GORILLA RETURNS; PARK SLOPE GETS CAFFEINATED [The Brooklyn Ink]