Despite All Evidence To The Contrary, Comcast Believes You Do Not Exist

Reader Gregg is pretty sure he exists. Comcast, however, is skeptical.

Gregg writes:

Thought you might like this absurd interaction I am having with Comcast. I live in DC and am basically forced to use Comcast for my internet. We have had an account for almost 3 years now. That’s important. Yes, for three years, we have sent them money every month, they have taken our money, and in exchange provided us piss-poor internet service.

Background: We live in a carriage house so our address is the same as the house in front of us. (He is 123 Main Street while we are 123 Main Street REAR). The main house also has a basement apartment called 123 Main Street Apt B.

Occasionally our service mysteriously stops, and when we call, they insist we are “Apartment B.” and we spend an hour helping them locate our account. This usually happens when someone in Apartment B doesn’t pay their bill, or starts or stops service, which somehow triggers their account and ours.

Yesterday, our service stopped and that happened again. Only this time, Comcast has decided that *we don’t exist.* Therefore, they will not take the hold off our account until they send someone (in 4-5 business days) out to confirm that we exist. We told them that we own this building outright, we have an actual separate address with the USPS, the City, and indeed, Comcast. None of this was good enough, and they refused to reinstate our service until they “can confirm the existence of the address.”

Never mind that we have paid them monthly for 3 years.
Never mind that we are currently getting a full signal (which makes this doubly frustrating).
Never mind that we have an actual, open , current, paid in full account.

We asked if they could expedite this request since it is clearly their error or glitch, and they said no.
We’ll wait and see if they try to charge us for opening a new account once they confirm our existence. Anyone want to take a bet?

I dunno, man. Maybe Comcast is on to something. Are you sure you exist?

Also, did anyone suspect that Comcast had an ontology department? We didn’t. Anyone have their direct line?