Vaginal Mints Are A Very, Very Bad Idea

Jen Philips over at Mother Jones received a sample of an exciting new candy from a PR rep. Called Linger, it bills itself as “the intimate mint.” Or “feminine flavoring system.” Because you’re supposed to put it in your vagina.

The problem with this product, of course, is that it’s an unholy alliance of three things: preying on women’s insecurities about their bodies, remarketing a mundane product for media attention, and advocating that people do something that is extremely unhealthy.

My tin of Linger looked a lot like one of those tins of mints that are given away at trade shows. And guess what? That’s what it is. A little digging revealed that Linger is made/distributed by a company called Admints, which just happens to make trade show mints. And the Linger samples just happen to have have the exact same shape, taste, and ingredients as Admint’s sample mints. So how does Linger manage to pass off breath mints as vaginal Tic Tacs in $7.99 packs? Despite the salacious creation story and testimonials on its site (“It gets a little warm as it starts to dissolve which took just under an hour. Then, it is SO good!!”), the mint is labeled “for novelty use only.”

Of course, the problem with these mints is that it is an exceptionally bad and unhealthy idea to use them in the first place. Unlike many mints made with artificial sweeteners, Admints contains sugar. Sugar in one’s lady parts can lead to catastrophic yeast infections, which is why flavored products that are actually designed for lady-parts use find other sweeteners to use.

Femimint Hygiene: Vagina Mints [Mother Jones]
Linger [Official Site]

(Photo: liangjinjian)

Comments

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  1. dbl-dog-dare-ya says:

    Wow! Really!?! What would be the male counter-part?

  2. Chumas says:

    I think a little call to the FDA and the health dept are in order to remove an obviously dangerous product, especially if it is just a rebranding.

  3. toddy33 says:

    No real comment to make on the product, but the photo you chose is just freakin’ awesome.

  4. Shoelace says:

    An allergic reaction to one of these mints could be really nasty. Awkward visit to the doctor too.

  5. Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh says:

    Holy moly. That is evil and wrong. I wouldn’t want my lady parts to smell minty anyway!

  6. hallettoon says:

    LOVE THAT PICTURE!

  7. ablestmage says:

    So I’m guessing you didn’t try them out. Are you somehow forbidden to take two showers in one day?

    I’m not entirely certain that a woman with an insecurity about the naturally fresh-tasting-ness of their vagoo, has been a woman for very long.

  8. BabyFirefly says:

    If you taste THAT bad down there, please visit you doctor.

  9. IT-Chick says:

    I prefer Smarties anyway, or Skittles for that rainbow flavor.

  10. The_IT_Crone says:

    I’d be all “whatever” but SUGAR?!!!

    What douches..

  11. H3ion says:

    This won’t be successful until they develop a beer-flavored suppository.

  12. kmw2 says:

    MINT. In one’s VAGINA. How could this ever be a good idea?

  13. Trai_Dep says:

    Poor girlie kitten says, “WILL IT EVAH COME OUTZ?!”

    …I’m waiting for the masculine version. Smells like musk and tar and has a sandpaper texture coating. For MEN!

  14. mianne prays her parents outlive the TSA says:

    Hmmm, the only thing I smell is a class action lawsuit.

  15. jparadise says:

    This product will be great for hiding the booze smell after I indulge in a vodka tampon.

  16. Blue387 says:

    Is it okay is she smokes while I eat?

  17. 89macrunner says:

    im pretty sure vaginal fluids do not dissolve mints the same as saliva does.

  18. Saites says:

    As a note, I’ve heard that excessive fruit intake, particularly strawberries, can have a positive effect on oral sex.

    • mythago says:

      @Saites: That’s one of those things you only believe if you’re still in high school, or in college and kind of a late bloomer.

      Regular bathing with mild soap and water has a positive effect on oral sex.

    • Osi says:

      @Saites:

      I apologize for the nieve replies above me, they don’t know better. What you said is absolutely correct. Strawberries, pineapples, lots of sweet (not diet) sodas cause the same effect.

      Works on both guys and gals.

  19. Chris J. Stone says:

    You know what’s a worse idea? What I originally thought the title was referring to. Breath mints that taste like vaginal fluids.

  20. helloashley says:

    If you look at the website carefully, the manufacturers of this product were very careful to say “This is a NOVELTY product only” and they never tell you to actually put it inside your vag. So that’s how they’re trying to defend themself legally. Hah.

    I’m willing to be that all those “testimonials” are made up by the creators

    • catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

      @helloashley: yeah, but colored, flavored, etc condoms also say ‘for use as a novelty product’ and say not to rely on them for prevention of STDs and pregnancy.
      doesn’t mean people pay any attention to that

    • Megalomania says:

      @helloashley: almost all sex toys claim to be “novelty only”. I guess “novelty” is a pretty loose term..

  21. dbshaw says:

    And practically speaking, is the product going to help? If your choch smells like mint, its a BIG hint there is something wrong down there.

  22. BytheSea says:

    “for novelty use only” = Not tested by the FDA or any other regulatory commission, does not treat or cure any condition, if it gives you a horrible disease you can’t sue us because we warned you that it was all a joke and we didn’t really thnk you’d put it on a mucus membrane just because we told you to.

  23. Verucalise (Est.February2008) says:

    Reminds me of a commericial on a Family Guy episode… tried to find on youtube to no avail. Maybe GESD will help…?

  24. nygenxer says:

    This calls for my favorite quote from the movie titled, (appropriately enough) “Scent of a Woman”:

    “You’ve been in the sugar business so long, you’ve forgotten what REAL HONEY tastes like.”

    /Love the picture BTW

  25. ninabi says:

    Oooh- I seriously want a tin of these

    toss a few in the “grandma candy” dish

    or keep some in my purse for when my husband says, Do you have any mints on you? and hand him one and then let him know he’s enjoying what is supposed to be a vaginal suppository of a candy.

    These could be a lot of fun in unexpected ways.

  26. kelrod says:

    Reminds me of a somewhat viral internet video several years ago. I’ll not post it here because it’s extremely NSFW.

    Do a Google video search for “poontos”, it’s the first video result.

  27. arkangel says:

    Wouldn’t that be somewhat uncomfortable? It generally sounds like a pretty lame way to get intimint. :P

    • nstonep says:

      @arkangel: My ex-girlfriend used to do this trick with a banana…I doubt this would be anywhere near as uncomfortable or cool looking as that.

  28. nstonep says:

    I wonder if they’re peanut butter flavored?!? Too much?!?! Too soon?!?!

  29. TechnoDestructo says:

    Next, vaginal pop-rocks.

  30. amberlink says:

    True freshmaker? Honey, did you floss after you put a mint in? You know how I like to not get any gingivitis when I’m down there.

  31. nstonep says:

    The whole issue would be avoided if said mints were just sweetened with splenda. Then you’d only have to worry about cervical cancer. Win-win, right???

  32. Barbobaggins says:

    Is anyone else trying to picture the board meeting where this was pitched? Or handing this idea off to advertisers? Because I can’t imagine that no one along the line sat back reflected on internal mucous membranes and stingy mints. I can almost picture it if it’s a roomful of men around a keg, but that isn’t exactly professional behavior and probably isn’t encouraged in most work places and even then they have to sober up sometime. Because my mental image of guy staggering over to his boss and slurring: “Brah, I have an idea for the mints and it’ll be totally awesome!” can’t really happen in real life. Right?

  33. dbl-dog-dare-ya says:

    Testimonial “WoW Minty Fresh!” Is the only testimonial that I can come up with that is “G” rated! LOL

  34. h3llc4t, breaker of office dress codes says:

    I feel bad for the poor girls that think they actually need something like this.
    Eww, mint. Ewwwww.

  35. TessTalks says:

    Men get Viagra . . . and women get VAGINAL MINTS!!!!!!!

  36. AgentTuttle says:

    This is why you buy the vaginal version of the Roomba, the “Womba” you know, the robot that finds it way to clean your hoo-ha while you sleep.

  37. PLATTWORX says:

    I would like to see strong FDA action AND a class action lawsuit. That should teach one hell of a lesson to the idiot who tried this stunt.

  38. duncanblackthorne says:

    Someone requesting an anal version of this in 3, 2, 1..

  39. halcyondays says:

    That picture is sooo wrong.

  40. BeyondtheTech says:

    Dear manufacturer, add some Retsyn and my breath will be glowing each night!

  41. nerble says:

    I don’t know that ANYONE in the universe would think this is acutally a good idea. And if you’re stupid enough to use it you may actually deserve what you get.

  42. PalmBayChuck says:

    The picture selected for this ad is absolutely genius.

  43. vildechaia says:

    Bad. Bad. Very bad.

  44. Optimistic Prime says:

    Am I the only one who got the Cranberries in there head after reading this article?

  45. hi says:

    Wouldn’t it be easier and accomplish the same thing if the dude put a mint in his mouth before?

  46. MrPenny says:

    All of this could be avoided by just flossing regularly.

  47. bbagdan says:

    Why not just use an Oh Henry!

  48. David in Brasil says:

    Are we sure that these are to be put into the vagina and not somewhere else?

    “I feel good all under”

  49. consumerd says:

    of all the crap I have read on the Internet Mr. Popken you win the Internets award for the day. I don’t think there is anyone that’s going to top this.

  50. Crovie says:

    This might be my favorite tag ever.

  51. memphis9 says:

    Why I think that this is a bad joke:

    Mother Jones? Seriously?

    Now maybe I’m just working off a bad stereotype here but I thought MJ was all liberal and feminist and screw him if he doesn’t like your unshaved legs. I just can’t figure how — unless Mother Jones has turned into some Cosmo mag wannabee while I wasn’t looking — that any marketer would look first to them to give a (non-derisive) shout-out for their product.

    Oh, and a yeast infection? Generally not catastrophic. Intensely uncomfortable and just bleeeech, but not generally landing one in the ICU. (Do not however take this as advocacy for the happyfunmint.)