A lender in Riga, Latvia, has borrowers sign away their souls as collateral on small, high-interest loans.
Mirosiichenko said his company would not employ debt collectors to get its money back if people refused to repay, and promised no physical violence. Signatories only have to give their first name and do not show any documents. “If they don’t give it back, what can you do? They won’t have a soul, that’s all.”
“Would you pledge your soul as loan collateral?” [Reuters] (Photo: goldberg)
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Does he hold a flashlight under his face when he goes over the loan terms with new clients?
@Ubik2501: That and the urn behind him labeled repossed souls
Mirosiichenko might have your soul, but your rear belongs to Wachovia!
*joke*
This has to be a prank of some kind.. there is no way at all this is legit? I mean.. c’mon.. Whats the scam here? Are people really that afraid that they have sold their souls?
@thebluepill: oh yeah. Back when I was in the college we used to bet on pretty much anything and everything. The ultimate bet wasn’t money it was your soul. There were a ton of people who would never bet their souls. It is kind of funny they were willing to bet hundreds but not their soul.
Anyway I still own the rights to three souls.
He’d better hope that atheists never discover his business.
(To preempt the inevitable: yes, I know that technically being an atheist has nothing to do with not believing in souls. In practice, though, most don’t.)
@johnva:
And the Agnostics “Might” pay it back?
hehehe
@thebluepill: We’re still on the fence with that one.
@johnva: While Satanists, seeing the entertainment value of watching a rousing fight over his cashiered soul between Beelzebub and Mirosiichenko when he dies, might sign up for two.
@johnva: This will all work fine until he catches the Buddhists and Hindus trying to put the same souls up for collateral over and over again.
@diasdiem: Damn, I was trying to parse that one thru my funnybox but you beat me to it. Well played, sir!
@diasdiem: I was told Hindus have only one soul but many lives… wouldnt they have to be reborn to do that kind of thing?
@MostlyHarmless:
Or file bankruptcy..
@MostlyHarmless: Question is, do people with multiple personality disorders have more than one soul?
@silver-bolt:
What about Cylons?
@silver-bolt: No, just one. There’s only one person using it at any given time.
@diasdiem: Ahh, perfect. So I’ll get my nasty self to promise its soul to this bank and then I will be rid of my two personalities and get free money.
@LJKelley: But all your personalities will be out of a soul, and you’ll have to split the money. Or else your crack whore personality will smoke it all up when you’re not looking. Either/Or.
Time for me to get a new car loan!
“If they don’t give it back, what can you do? They won’t have a soul, that’s all,” he told Reuters in a basement office, with one desk, a computer and three chairs.”
I’m guessing it was a very DEEP basement, the air conditioning really sucked, and there were fire hazards all over the place.
@diasdiem: Sign here, and here, initial here, here and here. Oh, and if you would just sign this fiddle contest waiver, that’d be great.
@diasdiem: +1
@diasdiem: It’s not that he plays fiddle that well, it’s that the winner is determined through binding arbitration.
@Chris Walters: You win!
@Chris Walters: Well done, sir.
@diasdiem: @Chris Walters:
Bravo to both of you
@trujunglist:
@diasdiem: So if that’s who I’ve gotta beat to get my soul back, its not a problem; I’ll just beat him with my drum solo!
@diasdiem: Wouldn’t a golden fiddle weight hundreds of pounds and sound terrible?
@Alexander Saites: Well, it’s mostly for show.
@Alexander Saites: And if you lose, you win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I’ll kill one of you. Uh… Chris Walters.
Do you think my credit report will show if I already have a lien on my soul?
(I was in desperate need of some red devil hot sauce – guess who made gave me the deal “of a lifetime”?)
Does he have a metal mask by any chance? maybe with a green cape/suit combo. Does he hate Dr. Reed?
either way, i’d get that loan. he can have my soul, it doesn’t have any money either.
For obvious reasons, investment bankers, lawyers, cable and telecommunication company executives, talentless yet successful movie stars and singers, and Rush Limbaugh are not eligible for these loans.
@diasdiem: And all five seasons of American Idol contestants also sit down dejectedly.
@Trai_Dep: And most chrome toasters too.
@diasdiem: Wait, you forgot politicians, “harmaceutical” company executives, the vast majority of doctors, Bill Gates, and Al Gore.
@Righteous: You hate the internet that much?!
But how does he know he’ll be able to collect? What if someone has already pledged their soul to someone else, and it’s no longer theirs to give? Hasn’t this guy ever seen The Simpsons?
@wheresmymind: Well obviously he does a credit check to see how much you’ve already leveraged your soul.
@diasdiem: Actually, it’s more biblical. They just cut your immortal soul into however many necessary pieces. As we all should know, these things can be cut as many times as necessary, and each cut all the more excruciating. Any inconvenience to the lenders is more than made up for with the agonized screams.
@alexawesome: …Sounds more like Harry Potter.
@Rectilinear Propagation: Not at all. I heard it described as being like a series of full-body paper cuts, each one worse than the last. The first one a sting that throbs – they generally wait for it to subside the first time before making the next cut, assuming the individual bartered away their soul to more than two interests.
Not.. not that I actually know, or anything. I’m just guessing.
@wheresmymind: The form on his website has a clause that says the pledged collateral must be free of other claims, or something like that.
So, if you’ve already pledged your soul to someone but sign the paper anyway, you’re already in violation of the contract – in which case, it won’t matter if you pay the money back or not!
I posted about this on a couple of websites, and had some interesting responses from people in Latvia. The overall conclusion: (1) Punkd, and (2) Free publicity for a yet-to-be-announced aspect of the business.
so his forms read :
I, the Damned, Sign my Soul…..
This guy probably employs Dementors as collection agents.
I can imagine that in addition to the spartan office equipment there was likely a table of shabby former soviets playing an angry game of cards in the corner.
I should check the Latvian airline I was supposed to fly with and see if they’re planning to take possession of my soul for filing a chargeback against them
Well if you enjoy having automatic doors not working, this deal is for you.
@DerangedRoleModel: And you’ll never be able to row that boat all by yourself.
@diasdiem: And Itchy & Scratchy just won’t seem funny anymore.
@DerangedRoleModel: and your Dad tripping over a skateboard just won’t crack you up.
@DerangedRoleModel: “Way to breathe… Uh… No breath!”
@DerangedRoleModel: One Latvian office will have nice set of Pogs!
The only person to ever make money at this, is the Devil
I wish there were lenders like this in the US.
@Musician78: Shush, you. The lenders in the US are bad enough as it is.
Note to self : If you’re ever in Latvia, you win a free ipod!
Many can’t even honor the loan contracts they sign and wind up settling or declaring bankruptcy . The thing that loves contracts like this is numerically identified with 3 6s . This might be one contract you not break .
“They won’t have a soul, that’s all.”
Sounds fair to me. Wonder how much I could get for my family’s dog’s soul?
/I hate that dog.
@PencilSharp: Everyone knows animals have no souls.
@silver-bolt:
Actually, Catholics believe they do, but they aren’t immortal souls. The soul dies with the animal, I think.
I’ve offered to sell my soul to the devil many times. He never shows up.
Maybe I don’t have one?
@veronykah: Were you standing at a crossroad at the time?
As long as I can still hire Daniel Webster, why not?
I need a loan from this guy. I’ll pay it back so letting him borrow my soul is okay with me.
I used to do that every time someone asked to borrow money from me in school. On the IOU, I wrote that in the event of default, I get their immortal soul in servitude for no less than 100 years — payable upon MY death. A few thought I was nuts, most thought it was halarious. EVERYBODY paid me back within a week.
What sense does it make? No one can take your soul. They can help you lose it to eternal hell, but it’ll always be with you.
Hmmm I’m wondering if I can take out a second mortgage on my soul? If that doesn’t work I wonder if he’d be willing to accept a unicorn and some magic beans as collateral.