EAT MANGURT
Sorry guys, you just didn't donate enough. Our tipjar, Donatetoconsumerist.com, has raised $5,639.67 so far with 392 donors. In these tough times, that doesn't cut the mustard. We're going to have to start taking sucking down some payola. We've already signed our first sponsor: MANGURT.
"You're a man, so why you eatin' girly yogurt? C'mon, "Key lime pie?" "White chocolate strawberry?" "Coconut Alfresco?" Fohgetaboutit! You need MANGURT! The only yogurt built for a man.
Huh, you say? How's that work? Well, smart guy, for starters, it comes in a pint, not a teacup. Why tickle hunger with a feather when you can kick it in the face? Coochi-frickin'-coo, indeed.
And then there's the several delicious flavors, like Wolf Bacon, T-Bone, Buffalo Stampede, and Tequila Fight Juice. Mmm, lip-smackin'.
MANGURT won't soooooothe your digestion, or shrink your fat ass, but, in Canada, they use it as an industrial lubricant for steam shovels. So pop your girdles, spit the Barbie out yer mouth, and fork in some MANGURT! That's right, MANGURT, the only yogurt that eats like a meal, and kills like a bear.
Buy MANGURT today."
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Comments:
Tequila fight juice flavored yogurt...?
Just *thinking* about that makes me wanna punch somebody. I'd be set if I could get a pint of this and a gig at Radio Shack.
stop your whining - that's more money than I've got right now.
just for this post, I'll be donating ASAP.
They totally need to make this. Stop panhandling for donations, Consumerist, and start producing Mangurt. You'll make much more money.
would have been better with a video :(
Finally, an industrial lubricant I'm supposed to be eating.
First rule of Tequila Fight Juice,you do not talk about Tequila Fight Juice! Is there an unflavored version so I could make my own? I would like Turducken.
Awesome ad copy, you might make more money selling this stuff than asking for donations.
The only proper drink with your Mangurt is, of course, Powerthrist.
I recommend "Grizzly Steak" for your 2nd flavor.
I am up to kick in $2, but I don't like entering my credit card here, there and everywhere on the web (especially since Discover called me today to let me know someone went on a spending spree with my card number today). Where is the PayPal donate link? Or is mailing a check really the only other option?
Also, do I get to feel high and mighty and elite, since I donated well over $2.22?
How about Lumberjack for a flavor? It'll be up to you just what that tastes like...but I can already picture the plaid packaging.
I'll take a gallon of Rocky Mountain Oysters.
Considering this type of ungrateful post with comments like "Sorry guys, you just didn't donate enough", and the sudden frequency of these posts, you've definitely ensured that I will not donate a single cent.
Why not just ask me to sign up for a magazine subscription or flag me down to your mall kiosk to have me buy a cell phone?
A terrible attitude thinly veiled with a terrible joke. Classy!
I read all the time but have never commented on a Consumerist post before. This, however, is a special occasion.
BRILLIANT.
My favorite part is the broken teeth and cracked knuckles that I found in mine.
Surprising AND an important source of dietary roughage!
Hmm... so it's a dairy product and an industrial lubricant? That's so much better than that dessert topping and floor wax product.
Perhaps people who donate should get to write a faux-ad that will get posted.
I bet the ticket makes the Mangurt taste terrible.
@What The Geek: indeed, I think they should give the money to me then I'll give them back a $2 rebate (10-12 weeks later of course)...that way I will have "donated".
Here's a commercial for it. The end is partially NSFW.
Wow! I Googled Mangurt and learned a new word for semen.
This is getting annoying. I made a donation to a school for the Children of the Guatemala City Dump. Read about it.
Uncle! I clicked donatetocomsumerist reflexively.
Though now I really want to know what wolf bacon tastes like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought being bought out by Consumer Reports meant that they'd take over the role from Gawker of running the site, which includes providing money for servers, bandwidth, and paying employees.
Stop whining about donations.
You're a blog.
And it's annoying.
--Kyle
yum! are girlygurt and gaygurt next?
feel the need to point this out
"that's doesn't cut the mustard."
@driver905: You can also fax it in at (914) 378-2916.
@Desk hack: You're right, all the operating costs are fully underwritten by Consumers Union. Donations just help defray those costs a bit.
I really like the Nacho flavor of Mangurt. Why did you discontinue it?
@What The Geek: I agree. This is a blog that is powered by the submissions of the readers. And probably 80% of those submissions are one-sided rants containing more entertainment value than usable information. Very little original research, actual fact checking, copy writing, or editing occurs.
This place is also worlds apart from say NPR (who's occasional begging I can tolerate) or CR who actually purchase products and pay a staff to extensively test them. Once you start paying for submissions and/or practicing honest journalism, I'll consider donating.
@Houston Eby: I agree that Ben is god awful at this sort of thing. I did not like the tone of this post, and the way they are asking for donations seems trashy.
However, if you enjoy the blog you should consider throwing them a few bucks. Don't let Ben ruin it for you. He's not the only one that works there.
@H1N1_GitEmSteveDave: That was actually called the "Flapjack", not the "Lumberjack". Regardless, while watching that I couldn't shake the feeling that I would be seeing that guy on CNN for some heinous crime in the near future.
5 grand, 390 donators. That averages out to a gajillion dollars each.
Give them back their cash if ads are actually coming in! Mangurt is obviously a fraud, men don't eat anything with culture.
as mentioned before, i'll donate if i stop getting canned responses when i send in an issue that i cant get resolved "we'll look into it" is what i got twice in the last month and a half. as of right now i cant get this resolved and laura keeps giving me canned responses :(
@Radi0logy: Sorry, I don't take change well. That's why I still call the porcelain thing in the room with a shower a Colbert.
So how about a "Broken Cowboy" flavor?
How about Tequila lime pie? It seems realistic and like it would taste good.
In my mind, Mangurt has some alternative ingredients. At least they're all natural!
I guess we get what we pay for as far as the reporting.
Why the sudden begging for contributions? Mama CR starting to figure out the lack of money making potential for The Consumerist?
You know, you can always go somewhere else to read your consumer-focused blogging.
I'm not donating because, well, while I like the site, most of the stories really have nothing to do with me or my.... consuming. It is a fun read, but it would just take me a little extra work to pull most of the stories out of the AP, etc.
But to post a comment saying that you don't read the site because you actually dislike reading the site? That seems a bit disingenuous.
After Mangurt, maybe The Consumerist should start advertising hufu?
Active ingreaditent: Manbutter
ewww
Hell yes. I'm in for a case of T-Bone.