Airlines Considers $10 Fee For Sitting Away From Babies

WestJet recently sent out a survey to its readers to look at a list of $10 fees and respond which they were okay paying with. One of them was a $10 fee for not having to sit near screaming babies and small children. The airline also wanted to know if customers would be interested in $10 savings for putting up with or giving up certain things, like savings for not earning frequent flier miles or savings for having a seat that doesn’t recline. Brilliant business move or deceptive fare increase? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

FEE – $10 more for:

  • Priority boarding (getting on the plane first)
  • Priority disembarking (getting off the plane first)
  • Expedited baggage delivery
  • Priority rebooking in case of flight cancellation
  • Complimentary meals/hotel accommodations when a flight is either cancelled or substantially delayed
  • In-flight Internet access
  • Guaranteed space in the overhead bin
  • In-seat power
  • Premium snack/meal offering
  • A freshly laundered pillow/blanket set that you may keep after the flight
  • An amenity kit with earplugs, eyeshades and toiletries to keep you refreshed on the plane
  • A wait of 10 minutes or less to clear security checkpoints
  • Sitting away from parents traveling with babies/small children

SAVINGS – $10 off for

  • Savings for not checking bags
  • Savings for not earning frequent flier miles
  • Savings for only bringing aboard one small piece of carry-on baggage (e.g., only a purse or computer bag)
  • Savings for being the last to board
  • Savings for using online check-in instead of a kiosk
  • Savings for using either a kiosk or online check-in instead of a human agent
  • Savings for having my checked luggage to be among the last to be delivered
  • Savings for sitting in a middle seat
  • Savings for making no changes to your ticket prior to departure
  • Savings for not getting free water, coffee/tea, juices or soft drinks in flight
  • Savings for having a seat that does not recline
  • Savings to sit close to parents traveling with babies/small children

How about a $10 savings for helping out fellow sleepy passengers…

Airline considers $10 surcharge for baby-free seating, priority disembarking [ELLIOTT] (Image: Getty)

Comments

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  1. Harrison-H says:

    I don’t fly, but I’d pay $10 to sit away from kids.

    • Necoras says:

      @Harrison-H: I don’t mind the nosy baby, but I’d pay $10 to beat the snot out of the 5 year old kicking the back of my seat for 4 hours straight.

      • tc4b says:

        @Necoras: Why? It’s the kid’s parents who require the beating.

      • Clumber says:

        @Necoras:

        I’ll raise your offering to $20 for the same “add-on” which is sure to enhance my flying experience.

        Side note : Due to a back injury, I have one of those TENS units that applies electrical shocks to you, basically to distract your brain from the searing pain of the injury. When people ask me what it is like to be shocked a zillion times a minute all day long, I have discovered that everyone understands immediately when I explain that it is a lot like sitting on a plane for 10 hours with a kid kicking your seat… the… entire… flight. And yes, the TENS does tend to make one a bit snappy and annoyed with a short fuse!!!!

        (and note to tc4b – sometimes one just doesn’t care anymore if they are smacking around the correct target.)

      • Nick1693 says:

        @Necoras: No, We all know you’re supposed to turn around at any unsuspecting time (While the behavior is happening) and yell “AARGH!”

    • VigilanteKitteh says:

      @Harrison-H: sign me up! I’ll pay another 10$ for sound-cancelling headphones to use in the flight as well.

    • Skunky says:

      @Harrison-H: I’d pay $10 for the priveledge of chuckin’ the kid out the door somewhere over Wyoming.

    • Fashion_Victim says:

      @Harrison-H: I’ll pay $10 for the privilege of screaming back at the babies.

    • GothamGal says:

      @Harrison-H:

      $10? I would pay $100. Since airlines are nothing but a big Greyhound airbus, I say keep all children in the back. It’s not like I will get to sit away from the kid anyway as it seems all the seats up front are for preferred customers.

  2. Opie says:

    I’d pay $50! Sat on a 11-hour flight back from Tokyo with a baby across the aisle that screamed for 9 hours, 37 minutes of that flight.

    • Moosehawk says:

      @Opie: I was on a 3 hour flight coming back from Florida with this kid screaming the whole way. I consider it a friendly reminder as to why I never want kids.

      • RedwoodFlyer says:

        @Moosehawk:

        MCO flights are notorious for encouraging many travelers to head on over to appliance direct and pick up a Dyson for a DIY pro-choice celebration!

    • jenl1625 says:

      @Opie: One problem, though – exactly how far away, in a plane, can you get? And I doubt they’re putting up sound baffling.

      If I’ve paid $10 (or whatever) extra to be away from the noisy kids, but still have to put up with screaming for the entire flight, I’m going to feel cheated.

      • fjordtjie says:

        @jenl1625: i was thinking the same thing! just because they’re not sitting within reach doesn’t mean the screams are no longer audible. also, what about the kids that run through the aisles whacking people as they go?–i don’t think the $10 fee would help with that!

        • samurailynn says:

          @fjordtjie: I was thinking about that too. It’s usually the kids who can’t sit still in their seat that bug me. If I’m sitting in a kid-free zone and the kid keeps running to that area and being obnoxious, it wouldn’t help.

      • chrisjames says:

        @jenl1625: Good point, but there’s a big difference between a screaming baby two rows back, and a screaming baby next to you.

        Even worse, a screaming, breast-fed baby in the seat next to you that poops itself just as the plane pulls away from the gate, you know, when the mother can’t get up to change the diaper for another thirty minutes or more. In first fucking class!

        I’d be okay with a $10 baby-free seat, but better still to just keep those creatures off the planes altogether. Ship ‘em UPS.

    • Real Cheese Flavor says:

      @Harrison-H: I don’t fly very often either, but would gladly pay $50 more to not have to deal with screaming kids.

    • AbsoluteIrrelevance says:

      @Opie: I’m with you, Opie. Transcontinental or international flights, I’ll BEG an airline to provide that fee.

    • PicklePants says:

      @Opie: On a twelve hour flight to Beijing, I sat in front of a man with the worst respiratory infection ever. He hacked up a lung for the entire flight. This was around the time that SARS was getting a lot of attention.

      On the return flight, I got seated next to a businessman who downed 6 glasses of wine, then got cut off by the flight attendant. Before he passed out with his head on my shoulder and a hand on my thigh, he made several remarks about his sexual relationships with Asian women, and kept asking if I was Asian. Gross.

      I would gladly take the flight with the screaming kid.

    • LinkRacer says:

      @Opie: I would pay a fee to watch a fellow passenger smother a crying baby with an airline pillow (a pillow that also cost them a fee these days). In fact, we could rent a camcorder and make some sort of reality TV show based on it. “Scare Air!” (I just trademarked that)

    • jamar0303 says:

      @Opie: Noise cancelling earphones are your friend. And depending on airline and class (ie- JAL and not Economy) they’ll provide a pair for free.

  3. Tux the Penguin says:

    I’d take any of the savings except for sitting near small children.

    But I’d definitely pay $10 to get through security quicker (VIP or whatever).

    I have no problem with this kind of thing at all. I view air travel as just a bus rather than some sort of luxury. Its why I love Southwest so much. No frills, we’ll just get you from Point A to Point B.

    • tande04 says:

      @Tux the Penguin: That was the one I was looking at thinking, “I don’t think they can do that”. The TSA runs security, not westjet.

      I guess they could just upgrade your ticket so that you could use the first class lines (that not all air ports have in the first place) but then so many people would probably use it you’d lose the point of having it.

  4. RodAox says:

    How about a 20% discount for sitting in the aisle or on someones lap… jeez they are going nuts with these fees and the crappy part is that oil is cheaper then when they initiated these fees… Or i could just grow wings…

  5. Michael Bauser says:

    The “no frequent flyer miles” option would alienate a lot of business travelers, assuming their employers insist on “cheapest fare possible” travel. Sneaking frequent flyer miles out of business trips is supposed to be one of the perks of working on the road.

  6. pjorg says:

    I’m okay with some of these “savings” offers, as long as it’s true savings and not a “rebate.”

  7. SuperSnackTime says:

    What exactly is “deceptive” about saying “you pay $10 = you get X”? I’m pretty sure that is how every single proposed exchange in the history of the megaverse is presented.

  8. PeteyNice says:

    Unless point A or point B is NYC or Atlanta. Then Southwest does not get you anywhere.

    Some of these are amusing. How would you control “priority disembarking”? I have been on flights where the air waitresses have tried to get people to allow those making connections to get off the plane first. That always devolves into a free for all.

  9. valarmorghulis says:

    I actually refuse to fly an airline that supports these kinds if fees (pretty soon they’ll be replacing those air-phones with air-ATMs). How about I just give you money, and you get me there as comfortably as that money allows, ok? Alcahol, I understand. All beverages, no thanks. What is next? A fee to have the AC above your seat run through a HEPA filter? Needless to say, I don’t fly a lot these days if I can help it.

    • fjordtjie says:

      @valarmorghulis: i wondered about the -$10 for not having a drink…aren’t they trying to charge $5 a piece now anyway? so really, if you do drink, you’re paying $10 more for the privelege, and then $5 for every soda in addition?
      i’m assuming westjet hasn’t yet instigated a drink fee.

      • Anonymous says:

        @fjordtjie:
        Westjet only charges for certain drinks. Mostly alcoholic ones. they offer a free cup of juice, pop or water/sparkling water, tea and coffee. And usually the attendants are nice enough to refill even though I’m sure they’re not suppose to.

  10. friendlynerd says:

    I’d want to know what the definition of “near” is. Knowing airlines I could see myself paying $10 to be away from kids only to find that the definition is “right behind you, kicking your chair.”

    • CFinWV says:

      @friendlynerd: Good point. Otherwise I’m all for paying extra for a kid-free section. Would be sweet if they could divide cabins for a “quiet cabin” like they do on trains, but logically I know that isn’t doable.

  11. kathyl says:

    I’d pay $10 to sit away from people who would bitch about my kid being on the plane.

    • Traveshamockery says:

      @kathyl: I’ve got no problem with kids…I’ve got a problem with kids that can’t behave. If yours behaves, congratulations on raising a well adjusted, nice child, and more power to ya.

    • bdgbill says:

      @kathyl: Yes, people who don’t enjoy the sound of your little miracle screaming for hours on end are total jerks.

      Even worse are the people who dare to complain about the aroma of human shit as you change little Brandon or Brittany’s diaper in your seat.

    • emilayohead says:

      @kathyl: I’m with you. Give me a “family friendly” area any day.

    • DH405 says:

      @kathyl: How dare they be annoyed at you imposing a screaming child on them. The nerve of some people.

    • AbsoluteIrrelevance says:

      @kathyl: I know! What’s not to love about a child kicking your seat for 5 hours because they can’t get comfortable, or screaming as loud as possible when their ears pop? Shouldn’t there be a fee to sit NEAR children with all that fun?

    • JuantheGardener says:

      @kathyl: Yeah, it would be nice if they could have an area on the plane set aside for parents with screaming kids. Perhaps some type of partition with built-in sound muffling so as not to disturb other passengers would great. I would pay the extra $10 dollars so I can sit with my kids in this area where in case they got rowdy and loud I wouldn’t worry about disturbing other people.

    • CFinWV says:

      @kathyl: Works for me! Would save me the $10.

    • Anonymous says:

      @kathyl: realistically, I think many parents would gladly pay a $10 fee to sit away from their own children. For some reason, though, any suggestion that other people might be averse to sitting by their children is met with overly defensive and snarky comments.

      The fee in question isn’t because all children are obnoxious/loud/etc., but because they are much more likely to be than the average adult on the plane. I don’t see how that is something worth taking offense over.

    • Barney_The Plug_ Frank says:

      @kathyl: You wouldn’t have to pay if you could keep the brat in check!

  12. Wild Monkey says:

    How far away will you be sitting from the screaming baby if you pay the $10 fee? Then again, how do other passengers know if there is going to be a screaming baby seated next to them?

    • pb5000 says:

      @Wild Monkey: You’re supposed to let them know that there is a lap child with you. My son flew three times before he was two and each time he was great, $10 fee wasted.

    • FlyingMonkey says:

      @Wild Monkey: Good question. I know there have been times I’ve specified that I’m flying with a lap child only to have to be reseated at check in because they put me in the exit row or in a seat that doesn’t have an extra oxygen mask. I’ve also bought tickets for my daughter, again reporting that she’s a small child, and been put in seats that were inappropriate. If their system can’t flag passengers traveling with small childred and automatically assign appropriate seats, how’s it going to manage juggling passengers who don’t want to sit next to those children?

      • Barney_The Plug_ Frank says:

        @FlyingMonkey: Lap children should not be allowed! Let alone the safety issue–having the child bouncing off the sealing while flying in turbulence. Sitting next to an adult, while holding a squirming, crying infant, is not what I paid for.

    • Traveshamockery says:

      @Wild Monkey: Ha, a baby’s screams know no boundaries. If they sense you’re trying to escape their wrath, they’ll just scream louder.

    • RedwoodFlyer says:

      @Wild Monkey: Well…notice how they asked about getting a seat that didn’t recline? I believe they would just strap you onto the winglet…

  13. HungryTuna says:

    I can predict a conversation I will be having with a CSR in the near future:

    Me: I paid $10 not to be near any children, you placed a small child in the row behind me. For the entire flight, this child screamed, kicked my seat back, etc..
    CSR: $10 is for not having to sit adjacent to a kid. It does not cover children sitting in adjacent rows, nor does it guarentee a child is not running up and down the aisle..

    Or I routinely pay $10 not to sit near any children. In the event I do get stuck next to a kid, airline will simply refund me my $10 (For not getting service I paid for). I see this as a deceptive $10 fare increase (unless the airline is willing to refund 100% of the cost of the flight should I be stuck near a child)

    • ShizaMinelli says:

      @HungryTuna: Why would they refund the cost of the flight rather than just the $10. You paid for the flight and got the flight, therefore no $ back. You paid 10 bucks to not sit next to a kid and got seated next to a kid, therefore you get 10 bucks back. They aren’t going to give you something for nothing.

  14. floraposte says:

    Heh. You know it’ll end up with somebody paying the surcharge and thus getting three seats away from a baby with incredibly powerful lungs, while somebody who decided not to pay more will be seated next to a teeny infant that sleeps through the whole flight. I feel bad for the flight attendants who have to adjudicate that situation.

  15. Amy Alkon000 says:

    I’d like $100 off if you seat a screaming brat near me. And another $100 off if some brat is behind me kicking my seat and banging a plastic cup on the tray table, like some underparenting example did all 13 hours from Paris to Los Angeles last fall.

  16. Anonymous says:

    Way more problematic to me is the idea that they might charge $10 for complimentary food or accomodations in the case of flight cancellation or delay. So if I do not pay that $10 — essentially, an insurance fee — am I sleeping at the gate?

  17. oneandone says:

    I can’t see anything on the list I’d be interested in paying $10 more for…. unless something like the priority booking in case of cancellation would accept my $10 at the time of cancellation. I wouldn’t want to pay extra just in case the flight happens to be cancelled, so I can get a hypothetical priority rebooking. But I imagine they would want the $10 in advance of any cancellation.

    I could do most/nearly all of the $10 savings. I don’t recline my seat anyway so that would be useful. I probably wouldn’t be able to do without carryon AND checked luggage, but if I had checked luggage, I wouldn’t mind if it came out last.

    Volunteering to sit next to a small child for $10 would make me feel like I was tempting fate, so I’d shy away from that. If they happened to sit me near one, and then gave me $10, that would work.

  18. CountryJustice says:

    A crying baby will annoy the entire cabin. There is no way to escape it. Save your $10.

    • Pithlit says:

      @CountryJustice: That was my first thought, too. Kids on planes are a reality. Take the train or drive if you can’t tolerate it and cope. The end. You know, I’d like a discussion about airlines and flying without someone whining and complaining about kids on planes (present discussion excluded of course, since that’s the topic) but that’s not happening either. I’ve managed to fly hundreds and hundreds of times, and I’ve lived. It’s not the worst thing in the world. People need to get over it.

      • PinkBox says:

        @Pithlit: I agree. People have kids and every now and then they DO need to take them along on flights. People need to get over it and realize that they once were screaming babies themselves.

        Should parents never fly until their children are at least five years of age?

        I don’t like it when they scream on planes either, but I know I’m not the center of the universe.

  19. Phillip1952 says:

    I promise not to fly with them.. Please send my $10 check to the follow address.

  20. Segador says:

    I’d pay $10 to be seated behind someone who can’t recline their chair.

    • BeeBoo says:

      @Segador: How about a one-time $20 fee that covers every flight you ever take?

      [www.gadgetduck.com]

      • ShizaMinelli says:

        @BeeBoo: Wow…so who’s more inconsiderate: the person who is excercising their RIGHT to a reclined seat on an airplane, or the person behind them stoppin ghtme from reclining, even though THEY can, just to be more comfortable?

        You fly, sometimes the seat in front gets lowered, deal with it.

        • Murph1908 says:

          @ShizaMinelli:
          Their “right”? Please.

          Reclining your seat is inconsiderate. That feature is a throwback from a time where there was more room between rows.

          That being said, I doubt I’d buy the gadget that prevents it.

          But as a person with long legs, if your seat reclines, expect several knee shots to the back of your seat, 75% of which will be unintentional.

          • TheWillow says:

            @Murph1908:

            While I feel for you, sometimes I think being able to completely stretch out (even without reclining) while flying on planes should just be considered karmic retribution for every tall person on the subway who has smacked me in the face with their purse/knapsack/etc and not even noticed.

          • bluewyvern says:

            @Murph1908: Reclining your seat is not inconsiderate. The seat reclines, you’re allowed to use it. It’s not the passenger’s fault that the airline has taken out all the leg room; sitting straight up in a seat like that for hours can be bad on the neck, too.

            Blame the airlines for pitting your knees against the other passenger’s neck, but don’t blame the passenger for using one of the few comforts the seat still offers. Your seat reclines, too. If you don’t use it, you’re giving the person behind you extra space, not refraining from stealing theirs…

            Btw, if you do have long legs, you can usually request certain seats when you book — first rows and exit rows should theoretically offer more leg room, so be sure to ask.

            But please don’t knee me in the back.

            • Murph1908 says:

              @bluewyvern:
              I disagree.

              I feel guilty reclining my seat, because I know I am causing discomfort to the person behind me.

              Like I had said, the seat design is outdated for the modern era of flying.

              There are a lot of things I CAN do, that I don’t out of courtesy to others.

              • res ipsa pasta says:

                @Murph1908: I agree. I don’t recline my seat either. I also tend to move the seat in front of me back upright when the passenger gets up to use the restroom.

            • VigilanteKitteh says:

              @bluewyvern: I’d much rather have someone recline their seat in front of me, hitting my knees, than to put up with a screaming kid. Having a kid scream the whole flight, and not try to quiet it, is inconsiderate.

          • Anonymous says:

            @Murph1908: I agree. I have had my laptop hinge broken and the screen cracked by people in front of me suddenly reclining their seat down into my space.

            To everyone who is saying, “just recline your seat in return”, that doesn’t solve my problem. When the person in front of me reclines, the angle of the space above the tray table has changed so much that I am unable to use my laptop.

        • Haltingpoint says:

          @ShizaMinelli: No kidding. I’m sorry if the person behind me is fat, I REALLY am. But I am NOT going to endure an uncomfortable flight because they didn’t opt to pay for the bulkhead which would be appropriate in their situation. Their weight is not an excuse to inconvenience me.

          Some guy kept pushing my seat back up and had the balls to ask the flight attendant to ask me to put my seat up. I told the flight attendant “No” and got up in my seat, turned around and said “If you have the indecency to push my seat up repeatedly, at least have the balls to ask me directly instead of the flight attendant. Now stop touching my seat and enjoy your flight.”

          I got a couple smiles from passengers on that one.

          • Leohat says:

            @Haltingpoint:

            You do realize that most, if not all, airlines hold back exit rows and bulkhead rows for Frequent Flyers. Even if they didn’t hold them back, they would be snapped up by the first 6 customers.

        • kmw2 says:

          @ShizaMinelli:

          Who’s forcing? I never recline my seat more than an inch or so anyhow, I find it intensely uncomfortable. I’d trade $10 with another passenger for the “inconvenience” of not doing what I wasn’t going to do anyway, definitely.

      • Segador says:

        @BeeBoo: I’m totally getting one of those.

  21. oneandone says:

    I’m picturing this evolving into a different fare for different seats/conditions, so that when you purchase your ticket or check in online in advance, and are faced with that little graphic that shows you which seats are availible, etc, they appear in different colors or have different fares that pop up.

    It would have to be dynamic, so that when the small child passengers pick their seats, there’s a ripple in fare changes adjacent to them and on the other side of the cabin. Or if you select the ‘guaranteed overhead space’ a few people near you get discounts but no overhead space.

    This would put so many more variables into seat choosing!

    • ShizaMinelli says:

      @oneandone: I don’t think it would be necessarily a bad thing, and it would save the flight attendants from incessant bitching the wholf flight.

    • gingercorsair says:

      @oneandone: Or they could designate blocks of seats for each of those criteria.

      If you want to bring your small child on board, you must sit in the pink area. The yellow area around the pink area would be those getting the $10 discount for sitting near children.

      The further green areas could be the seats that you pay the $10 premium to NOT sit near a child. So on and so forth. Just colour code!

  22. HarleyBabb says:

    Perhaps I’m the only ill-mannered fellow on this site but when I’m faced with the situation of a young child (not a baby) causing a fuss on an airplane I don’t think twice about giving the parents a piece of my mind, especially if they’re visibly blase about their parenting. While often parents can’t help having a crying baby (whose ears may be uncomfortable on account of the pressurization) they can entertain and occupy slightly older young children and keep them from running around or kicking seats and the like. A lot of parents are absolutely stunned when you turn around and call them out on their utter lack of common decency and parenting skills. Granted you start off polite but once you hit some ‘tude all bets are off.

  23. Chairman-Meow says:

    I’d gladly pay an extra 50.00 to have an airline executive sit between a drunk and colicky baby on a long duration flight.

  24. KarbonKopy says:

    I’m not going to pay any fee to get away from a screaming kid. I’m going to tell their worthless parents to keep the brat in check.

    • Shadowman615 says:

      @KarbonKopy: So parents are worthless if they have a screaming baby?

    • tc4b says:

      @KarbonKopy: And how much success do you anticipate using that strategy?

    • TechnoDestructo says:

      @KarbonKopy:

      Unfortunately that will not accomplish anything. The parents, usually, would like nothing more than for the child to shut up. Generally if the kid is crying for more than a minute or two, it means that the child will not respond to the parent’s admonitions to calm down.

      No, if you want to shut a little kid up, you take it up with the kid yourself. Little children who won’t listen to their family will still generally respond more readily to strangers. In my experience this does not apply to babies less than around 8 months old, though.

      My favorite screaming brat on flight incident was a flight from Ketchikan to Anchorage, AK. A girl maybe 3 years old was sitting across the aisle from me and was just crying her eyes out for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. Her mother tried to calm her down but nothing worked. Eventually she just sat there squirming and looking embarassed as her daughter screamed, and other passengers grumbled.

      I was getting pretty tired of it. I sat there gripping the arm rests and gritting my teeth for a while, until I’d had enough. I whipped my upper body around, leaning from my seat out into the aisle, and locked eyes with this little girl, with an angry look on my face. She shut her noise-hole immediately, and sank down into her seat as though she was trying to disappear. Her mother just laughed.

      There wasn’t another peep from her for the rest of the flight.

      Granted, that was an older toddler, but just looking angry at an infant or toddler, or even just mocking them, starting to cry yourself, will shut up just about every kid from 8 or 10 months up to 3 or 4 years old…so long as they don’t know you.

      Sometimes this fear of strangers that our society inculcates into its young children is great.

  25. Parting says:

    I’ll take TWO!

  26. HungryTuna says:

    While we are at it, I propose another set of fees.

    $10 to take your shoes and socks off during the flight..
    $10 to not be seated near restrooms
    $10 to fly with Flu like symptoms
    $10 to lean on my seat while standing in the aisle
    $10 to talk loudly on your cellphone while plane is on taxing
    $10 to eat smelly foods (Sardines, chinese take out, etc..)

    • oneandone says:

      @HungryTuna: oooo I HATE when people lean on seats when they’re in the aisle. Or hold on to seats like a handrail when they’re navigating the aisles. Sometimes there is a bit of turbulence, so I understand. But this is my one big pet peeve. It resulted from a long international flight a few years ago when every half hour my seat got yanked back by the passenger behind me leaning on it to get up, leaning on it to get back in…. I love aisle seats, but at some point I might have to give them up to get away from this leaning-on-seats nonsense.

    • HungryTuna says:

      @HungryTuna:

      Sorry to be responding to my own post but I left a few out

      $10 for use of Arm rest. This includes “Airspace” above armrest.
      $10 for copy of AIRMALL (with a fresh copy of Crossword puzzle)
      $50 to control all Window shades in cabin
      $10 penalty is you can barely squeeze into your chair but not large enough for two seats
      $2.50 Fee for everytime you feel the need to use the overhead bin and/or buzz for a flight attendant
      $10 for the right to clip your nails, use Dental Floss or emit foul odors
      $10 for the right to chat with the flight crew
      $5 for use of overhead light

      I can keep at this all day…

  27. Corydon says:

    People in front of me reclining their seats is usually my biggest problem. I don’t have enough legroom as it is. So I’d actually consider paying the extra $10 to keep the other guy from reclining their chair.

    Most of this stuff they want to charge for is the sort of thing they should be providing anyway. Priority rebooking in case of flight cancellation? Complimentary meals/hotel accommodations when a flight is either canceled or substantially delayed? I’m sorry…you should be doing this for all of your customers when you screw up.

    It is fair to charge the extra $10 for in-flight Internet or power access though. I typically spend about that much on in-flight entertainment anyways (books, magazines, etc.)

    One last question: does anyone else get the idea that airlines actually do want to move to the “no frills” model seen in Airplane?

    • fordpickup says:

      @Corydon: At least on that flight you had your choice of steak or fish…or in Leslie Nelson’s case, Lasagna.

    • balthisar says:

      @Corydon: You could always get a KneeDefender. I have legroom, I just don’t have knee room. The KneeDefenders work like a charm.

      • Haltingpoint says:

        @balthisar: Am I correct in that this product denies the person who’s seat it is used on the ability to recline? If so I’d be pretty pissed if someone tried to use it. If you have long legs go for the bulkhead, exit row or first class. Frankly it is not my problem that you don’t fit in the seat and while I sympathize, it is not acceptable to deny me of a feature of my seat that I paid for with my ticket.

  28. catskyfire says:

    I figure as long as they’re nickel and diming people, it’d be better to have some choices in it. (As opposed to $25 for a second bag, period. Oh, and we’re charging you 50$ for breathing.)

    I’d pay more for avoiding a child. But, at the same time, I never recline, so a non-reclining seat wouldn’t be an issue. And I do everything online when I can anyway, so I’d take that savings. And my luggage is always last no matter what, so, there, too, an advantage…

  29. amysisson says:

    I am so NOT okay with this crap. First, some of it doesn’t make sense. Pay extra to check a bag, but save money if you don’t take any real carry-on into the cabin. The only people who don’t need any luggage at all are business travelers flying back and forth same day for a meeting.

    Second, I’ll be darned if I’m going to wait to get off a plane while random people many rows behind me get cherry-picked to disembark first.

  30. Amy Alkon000 says:

    I’d pay $10 to be seated behind someone who can’t recline their chair.

    Sit behind me and save your $10. I think it’s rude to recline in coach, considering it leaves the person behind you like a nose-hair or so of space in front of your reclined seatback.

    • drjayphd says:

      @Amy Alkon: Exactly. Considering my main entertainment on a flight from Vegas to NYC was a month’s worth of sudokus, the passenger directly in front of me reclining as far back as is physically possible kind of made things difficult.

  31. Traveshamockery says:

    It seems like a lot of these things would cost more than $10 to properly administrate.

  32. mir777 says:

    This is incredibly dumb. Baby and child noise radiates throughout the cabin. It’s called sound. Jeez. And frankly, lots of babies can’t help it and their parents look sufficiently stressed that they don’t need to be the subject of more assholery.

    What I would do is fine the parents of kids 3 and older when their kids act like little crazy people. This includes the waiting area. Seriously.

  33. LetMeGetTheManager says:

    I would earn free flights all the time. I would not check a bag, would decide not to earn frequent flier miles, I would only have one small piece of carry-on baggage. Also, I would check-in online, be the last to board with the understanding that I would get a middle seat stuck between a baby and it’s parents, and would not get any free drinks in my seat that does not recline.

  34. Adisharr says:

    Saving $10 for a non-reclining seat? That has got to be a joke. How about another $10 for a seat w/ no cushion. How about $20 if you let the crew punch you in the face.

  35. pecan 3.14159265 says:

    I think the best solution to this is to give parents flying with their kids a section of the plane to themselves. No frills, just a separate section. Even if you can still hear crying, at least it’s not right next to you if you haven’t chosen to sit in the parents’ zone.

  36. darkryd says:

    …or the airlines could retool their completely outdated business models instead of putting band-aids on broken bones.

  37. Bahnburner says:

    How about $2 earplugs?

  38. Trai_Dep says:

    I’d pay $20 for a no-TSA zone. Nothing.
    Then watch as it’s proven that all their security kabuki is a complete waste.

  39. hellinmyeyes says:

    You know, I’m all about getting upgraded (or, at least, decent) amenities and services when I fly, but this sounds to me like yet another series of promises that airlines can’t follow through to fulfill. It’s a struggle enough getting them to leave and arrive on time, let alone promise you a seat away from the screaming demon children and then not follow through on that.

  40. tc4b says:

    The only way the kid thing would work is either a), a kid-free section, or b) a section reserved for people with kids. As a person with small kids, b doesn’t sound that bad to me. My kids deal with anything better if there are other kids to play with.

  41. marike says:

    I usually find that babies aren’t the problem unless they’re sick, or during take off and landing and their parents don’t know to nurse/feed/use a pacifier to alleviate the pain caused by the pressure change.

    It’s toddlers whose parents are trying to ignore them that I cannot stand.

    Kind of like that Jon & Kate + 8 episode when Kate breaks down and starts crying and whining while her kids are taking over the back half of the plane and you can tell the other passengers aren’t amused. Course, now she has a half dozen nannies so maybe they’ll nip that in the bum.

  42. DrRonster says:

    The non reclining seats are directly in front of wall dividers and bathrooms. You wouldnt be able to recline those if you tried. Therefore it would be impossible to get a seat behind a non-recliner.

  43. SadSam says:

    So on a flight of a 100 how does the airline provide or not provide all these services or lack of services. Will each passanger have a ticket that puts forth what they paid for or did not pay for? How will the flight attendants enforce? And won’t such enforcement be complicated and time consuming slowing down each and every segment of the flight (boarding, deboarding, beverage, etc.) as the attendants try to figure out who gets what and the arguments that will go along.

  44. incognit000 says:

    I’ve got an idea: how about we make passengers pay a fine if their kid screams the whole damn flight? Quiet babies fly for free, noisy babies pay airfare. Then people who know their kids will misbehave would drive.

  45. Anonymous says:

    In the UK this kind of “granular” charging has been common for a few years now, with the two big budget airlines – Easyjet and Ryan Air operating no-frills as the default. Actually, the headline prices (London – Berlin for £1 anyone?) are only actually achievable if you have a single item of hand luggage and don’t want to eat or drink on the plane. I’ve noticed that they’ve also started to reintroduce extras as options – fast check-in, priority boarding etc.

    That said, we flew back from Spain this summer with some seriously overweight bags that they didn’t charge us for.

    The fact is that these airlines are enormously popular in Europe, and seem to have a mature business model that is taylor-made to rake in business during these financially straightened times.

    I don’t know the extent to which this model operates or would be applicable in the US, but for the relatively short and medium hop flights around Europe very few private individuals seem to look anywhere else than these companies. The big carriers are only really interested in long-haul or expensive account business.

    For flights of just a few hours, the Brits have embraced them with open arms. Go on – you’ll love it!

  46. strathmeyer says:

    I’d rather just steal $10 from someone with a crying baby.

  47. Sanveann says:

    Personally, I think it (at least the baby part) is a ridiculous idea. Sound waves, um, travel. So if the kid seated two rows behind you is screaming, or the one five rows up is running up and down the aisle yelling, then you’ve just wasted your $10.

    And frankly, it also gives credence to the idea that every child who flies is going to scream nonstop and every parent is going to be a douche about it. We took a plane trip with our then-13-month-old son this spring, and I can’t tell you how many nasty looks I got on the way to my seat on both our flights to and from the U.K.

    Guess what? He was GREAT. When we got off the flight to Gatwick, several people told me they hadn’t even known he was there. Of course, on the flight back, when he cried for about 30 seconds out of an eight-hour flight, the chick in front of me was quick to turn around and glare at me … even though my husband and I were obviously trying to comfort him and get him quiet as quickly as we could.

    • ageekymom says:

      @Sanveann: I had a similar experience flying to Florida with my 2 month-old daughter years ago. She was quiet during the take-off and flight, but cried during the landing. The woman behind me said as we were getting off the plane “Your baby certainly wasn’t very happy!” I had to bite back my desired response to her and instead I said “She’s not old enough to chew gum!” It was my first flight with a baby. I learned after that to always travel with a babybottle of water for take-offs and landings.

      • bdgbill says:

        @ageekymom: I am surprised I had to dig this deep into the comments to find the first “My baby is the perfect little cosmopolitan traveler” / “It’s not the baby’s fault that it cries” post.

        The point is, you are travelling with a tiny baby that should be at home. There is simply no more unbearable sound in the world than a screaming baby. Subjecting hundreds of people who are strapped into their chairs and are unable to get away to this sound for hours at a time is simply inhuman.

        • Anonymous says:

          @bdgbill: How do you know the baby should be at home? There are circumstances where you have to fly with a baby. What if it was a family emergency? What if the mother’s parent had died and she was going to the funeral with the baby? If that was the case with me and you made a comment about my baby crying I would rub its dirty diaper right in your face.

        • Scoobatz says:

          @bdgbill: I’ll be sure to consult you the next time I want to bring my kids somewhere so I can seek your approval.

          We’ve traveled by plane with our young kids several times. And, for the most part, they were great. But, the truth is, I could care less if my daughter’s crying is ruining your flying experience. I put up with enough shit from inconsiderate adults on a daily basis that I’m not going to make any sacrifices to accommodate you. Granted, I will try my best to console her, but sometimes, no matter how hard I try, it can’t be done (or done quickly). Fortunately, you have the choice to jump in your car if it bothers you that much.

        • Sanveann says:

          @bdgbill: You don’t know their situation. People have kids. Sometimes those people need to travel. Sometimes, they need even need to travel WITH their kids.

          I can’t imagine that that many people with a 2-month-old voluntarily decide to jet around the world. Heck, I was barely able to find time to brush my teeth on a regular basis, let alone go anywhere, when my son was 8 weeks old.

  48. Tallanvor says:

    Seems to me that they should be paying us a lot more than $10 if we’re forced to sit near a baby.

  49. jbutler9 says:

    Once again, I am asking the consumerist readers why they are falling for these tactics of squeazing money out of your wallets for standard services. If consumers continue to allow these types of actions to occur, you will never have any money to do anything, you will be living to work. lets break these down.

    FEE – $10 more for:

    Priority boarding (getting on the plane first) –

    (The airline is not going anywhere until everyone is seated anyways, so if they started boarding from the back and providing ample time for people to sit….maybe a few momenets between sections, there would be no issues)

    Priority disembarking (getting off the plane first)

    (how does this work, they call your name, everyone else waits for you to get off, what if you are sitting in the rear of the plane? Ignorant.)

    Expedited baggage delivery

    (So you want the baggage handlers to start seperating luggage, I can see dedicated theft operations here as well as more time for everyone else to wait for their luggage after you get yours)

    Priority rebooking in case of flight cancellation

    (Not sure about this one, but I figure that there should be planes on hand for such situations, or that there will be some type of Priority list that passengers receive when they book their flights)

    Complimentary meals/hotel accommodations when a flight is either cancelled or substantially delayed

    (The passendger bill of rights needs to be updated to reflect that air services are a contract and if the contract is broken, these steps should be automatic. it is not the passengers fault that they could not fly, the responsibilty is the airlines. Their routes, their planes, their failures…..their fault)

    In-flight Internet access

    (don’t you pay by the minute anyway with your credit card? Plus, internet shoudl be free, it costs them nothing to provide and operate this service.)

    Guaranteed space in the overhead bin

    (how do you guarantee this? What else do you do with your carryones that are allowed on the plane? Pile them up on your lap?)

    In-seat power

    (This one pisses me off, they need to convert cabin power to 120V plugins, plus every seat currently has power, it runs through your headphone plugs, you need an adapter)

    Premium snack/meal offering

    (What is premium about it, and I am sure it costs $2.00 if you buy it from the store, another ripoff)

    A freshly laundered pillow/blanket set that you may keep after the flight

    (I don’t want to carry that shit around, I bring my own stuff and dress appropriately)

    An amenity kit with earplugs, eyeshades and toiletries to keep you refreshed on the plane

    (hmmm, junk, plus they better have toiletries in the Laboratory, I think that that is by law)

    A wait of 10 minutes or less to clear security checkpoints

    (Just how is an airline going to manage security, not going to happen, let me see how this works….let me slip you $10… ok rush this person through and be skimpy on the search)

    Sitting away from parents traveling with babies/small children

    (somehow this can be taken to court for discrimination against parents and babies…so if a dark skinned person doesn’t want to sit next to a light skinned person, is this an option? Stupid, just stupid)

  50. kepler11 says:

    they should charge screaming-baby-parents $100, and distribute it to the passengers seated around them.

  51. aidenn says:

    I think Air Canada already gives you $3 off for not checking any baggage if you fly their Tango package. Although, I’d gladly take the $10 discount for being a light traveler, I’m sure it’s not really a discount, so much as they would just inflate normal fares to compensate.

  52. LoriLynn says:

    I’d pay to sit away from kids. I’d also love getting overhead compartment space above my actual seat. I think they’re all pretty good ideas, really…

  53. eXo says:

    you save $10 for not checking a bag, yet get charged anywhere from $15-$50 for checking the bag. Not exactly a 1 to 1 exchange rate.

    Also – I would bet it’s $10 for each of those things – not all of the above. Otherwise 90% of the people would buy the ‘perks’, and then so much for priority anything. The guy who doesn’t pay or save anything ends up getting on last, getting off last, with 5 babies in his lap, no in flight snacks, and no options.

    Interesting to think… can parents pay the $10 not to be next to their own children? And if 90% of the people pay not to be next to children, then do they herd them all to the baggage chamber?

  54. synergy says:

    I’ve spent more on lunch, so hell yeah I’d spend that for 90 minutes or possibly more of peace (or at least distance)!

  55. vastrightwing says:

    Hey airlines! You got my suggestion backwards! Charge a hefty $10 per min. crying baby fee. Don’t charge me more to sit away, charge the perps for noise pollution! You’re penalizing the victim here!

  56. axiomatic says:

    I’d rather the $10 go to teaching the Stewards that they are there to serve and not to judge.

  57. JustinAche says:

    What if everyone pays this fee? Does the airline put the child and parent on another plane?

  58. Corporate-Shill says:

    What was the survival rate for passengers on the Titantic with sleeping quarters below the water line?

  59. gStein_*|bringing starpipe back|* says:

    # A freshly laundered pillow/blanket set that you may keep after the flight
    if i could pay this on the plane, when i decide i need it… it’s much better than paying for the dirty blankets that you don’t het to keep
    # A wait of 10 minutes or less to clear security checkpoints
    would be worth $25 to 30 at christmas time… last christmas, we were 10 minutes from departure and still about 15 minutes to the end of the security line, so we paid a family $40 to let us jump in front of them… (we made our flight with about a minute to spare)

    # Savings for using online check-in instead of a kiosk OR
    # Savings for using either a kiosk or online check-in instead of a human agent
    seeing as i always ceck in the night before, so i cna make sure i get the seat i want, this would be a non-issue
    # Savings for not getting free water, coffee/tea, juices or soft drinks in flight
    how is this different from charging for drinks?

  60. maztec says:

    This seems very Jasper Fforde / Thursday next.

    However, I would pay up to an additional $50 to be seated away from them or take $100 discount to sit near them.

  61. Outrun1986 says:

    How about paying 10$ to be away from parents who are behaving worse than their children?

    While we all know there are misbehaving children out there what about the adults who behave worse than children? If we have the choice to pay 10$ to be seated away from children we should have the choice to pay 10$ to be seated away from adults who act like children or worse.

    I don’t fly but the only way I can see the kid thing working is if they have child-free flights, because the sound of the kid or baby will be heard throughout the entire flight regardless.

  62. mcjake says:

    “Savings for sitting in a middle seat” -This is the only thing on that entire list that doesn’t seem like a way to raise fees on everything your passengers do.

    Next thing we know, there will be a “$10 fee for the right to sneeze,” “$10 discount to not take a piss,” “$30 fee for the right to fart loudly in the middle of the plain making every one suffer for the chili you ate during your layover,” and “$10 discount to sit next to the guy that farted.”

  63. econobiker says:

    What about the loud obnoxious sales guy talking on the cell phone until the last possible second before turning it off (under threat of getting thrown off by the flight attendant),who then has to repeat the entire conversation to his seat mate, and then has the phone on as soon as the plane tires scuff the concrete upon landing…

    • res ipsa pasta says:

      @econobiker: I’d pay $10 not to hear the symphony of: “Hey. We just landed. I’ll meet you at baggage claim.” OF COURSE you are going to meet at freakin’ baggage claim. However in the world did we find our rides at the airport before cell phones?

  64. joemono says:

    Once again I’m amazed at all the people complaining about children. I’m guessing all of you were birthed as fully grown adults? None of you ever annoyed anyone when you were a toddler, right?

    On topic: I’d gladly pay $10 not to sit next to someone who is morbidly obese.

    • mk says:

      @joemono: i’m pretty sure i made this comment previously…i never understand it myself.

    • richcreamerybutter says:

      @joemono: I think most people realize a baby will cry on occasion, and have more of a beef with inconsiderate parents. If more parents made an effort to offer earplugs to surrounding passengers as a gesture of good faith, the general public would probably be more forgiving in these situations.

      Another example is the set of parents who decided to keep an unfolded stroller in the common area of our building without asking anyone. When I left a note explaining that an unfolded stroller could affect some people’s fire escape route, they became incredibly defensive.

    • kabuk1 says:

      @joemono:

      It’s not that people expect a baby to be silent- it’s that it really, REALLY SUCKS to have to listen to the little accident screech for multiple hours just because hippie-mom doesn’t believe in benadryl.

      Too damn many people believe their children are somehow SPECIAL and should be worshipped and revered by all. Newsflash- your brats are loud, ugly, smelly, and they annoy everyone around them. They are NOT cute, they are NOT sweet, they are NOT miracles. They are nothing but a nuisance, and if 99% of parents didn’t have their uppity heads up their perfumed asses, they’d realize JUST how much they’re asking people to put up with when they refuse to control their children.

      Most people will grit their teeth & bear it, but I for one do not hold back with undisciplined brats. If your precious little angel comes anywhere near me smelling like syrup and yelling in my ear, I WILL kick him. And if you say ANYTHING to me about it except, “I’m sorry my child bothered you, ma’am”, I will kick YOU too.

      And for the record, no- I do not have any children, and never will. I would rather have cancer.

  65. Scoobatz says:

    With this new fee, how much would I get for traveling with my baby? I certainly want to be compensated for creating another revenue stream for the airlines. Hell, I’ll even make my daughter cry the entire time so people feel like they’re getting their money’s worth.

  66. Miguel Valdespino says:

    Priority boarding (getting on the plane first) No
    Priority disembarking (getting off the plane first) Sometimes
    Expedited baggage delivery No
    Priority rebooking in case of flight cancellation No
    Complimentary meals/hotel accommodations when a flight is either cancelled or substantially delayed No
    In-flight Internet access Yes
    Guaranteed space in the overhead bin No
    In-seat power Yes
    Premium snack/meal offering Depends on what it is.
    A freshly laundered pillow/blanket set that you may keep after the flight No
    An amenity kit with earplugs, eyeshades and toiletries to keep you refreshed on the plane No
    A wait of 10 minutes or less to clear security checkpoints Yes
    Sitting away from parents traveling with babies/small children Depends on details
    SAVINGS – $10 off for
    Savings for not checking bags Yes
    Savings for not earning frequent flier miles Yes
    Savings for only bringing aboard one small piece of carry-on baggage (e.g., only a purse or computer bag) Yes
    Savings for being the last to board Yes
    Savings for using online check-in instead of a kiosk Yes
    Savings for using either a kiosk or online check-in instead of a human agent Yes
    Savings for having my checked luggage to be among the last to be delivered Yes
    Savings for sitting in a middle seat Yes (I’d still try not to get one)
    Savings for making no changes to your ticket prior to departure Yes
    Savings for not getting free water, coffee/tea, juices or soft drinks in flight No
    Savings for having a seat that does not recline No
    Savings to sit close to parents traveling with babies/small children No

  67. bagumpity says:

    $50 savings for taking your meds and not having a screaming panic attack at 32,000 feet?

  68. GreatWhiteNorth says:

    This is a very odd questionnaire considering WestJet has been advertising that they don’t nickle and dime their customers to death… that is what sets them apart from the competition… that is the reason to fly WestJet.

    I also pray that the sale’s guys and bean counter’s don’t get the results of this questionnaire. This is the last North American airline I am willing to fly with. If these sorts of fees get initiated then all my domestic travel will be by car or rail.

    Also, they will have a hell of a time implementing some of this… like getting your luggage out first… does this mean they will hold up all the other luggage until priority luggage is on the carousel? Unlike now where the luggage is basically on a LIFO system (last in first out) rewarding those who check in last and penalizing those who check in early. In the new system no luggage will show up until it is all off the plane?

    Airports and airtravel is just like the army… Hurry up and wait… hurry through this area to line up for check in… run to security to line up for a groping… hurry to departures to line up to be a sardine in a can… land and the seatbelt sign goes out everyone stands to line up in the isle to get off… run to line up at immigration… run to wait for your bags… line up in the can… line up at the car rental…

    Nuts to all of this… take the scenic route… take the train.

  69. johnnya2 says:

    Priority boarding (getting on the plane first) NOPE
    Priority disembarking (getting off the plane first) YES
    Expedited baggage delivery YES
    Priority rebooking in case of flight cancellation NOPE
    Complimentary meals/hotel accommodations when a flight is either cancelled or substantially delayed NO YOU BETTER PAY FOR IT ANYWAY
    In-flight Internet access ABSOLUTELY YES
    Guaranteed space in the overhead bin NOPE
    In-seat power YES YES YES YES
    Premium snack/meal offering NOPE
    A freshly laundered pillow/blanket set that you may keep after the flight NOPE
    An amenity kit with earplugs, eyeshades and toiletries to keep you refreshed on the plane NOPE
    A wait of 10 minutes or less to clear security checkpoints YES YES YES
    Sitting away from parents traveling with babies/small children OF COURSE
    SAVINGS – $10 off for
    Savings for not checking bags SURE
    Savings for not earning frequent flier miles YES
    Savings for only bringing aboard one small piece of carry-on baggage (e.g., only a purse or computer bag) YES (the day trip would be so nice then)
    Savings for being the last to board SURE
    Savings for using online check-in instead of a kiosk YES
    Savings for using either a kiosk or online check-in instead of a human agent I HAVENT USED A HUMAN IN YEARS
    Savings for having my checked luggage to be among the last to be delivered OH HELL NO
    Savings for sitting in a middle seat NEVER
    Savings for making no changes to your ticket prior to departure SURE
    Savings for not getting free water, coffee/tea, juices or soft drinks in flight IF I CAN BRING MY OWN
    Savings for having a seat that does not recline NO WAY
    Savings to sit close to parents traveling with babies/small children HELL NO

  70. kathyl says:

    @kathyl: I love how some people assume that every child screams (mine has flown twice, and has made less noise than most of the adults on the plane) and kicks the seat (mine might do it once MAXIMUM before I told her to stop). What I dislike are the people who see a child and ASSUME you’re a horrible parent who won’t actually *parent* during the flight.

    When you generalize, you just make the problems worse.

    • Tsubasa says:

      @kathyl: It’s great that your child is well-behaved, but I don’t see how that somehow vindicates all children. At any rate, almost every comment here has been about “screaming kids” not just “kids” in general.

      Also, you’re generalizing in saying “when you generalize, you just make the problem worse.”

    • Propaniac says:

      @kathyl: It’s not as if the other passengers can say, when booking their ticket and choosing whether to pay the fee, “Well, I’d hate to be sitting near a poorly-behaved child, but I know kathyl’s kids will be the only ones on the flight and they won’t bother me, so there’s no need to pay the premium.” Surely you know that some children can be very loud and unpleasant, and it shouldn’t be difficult to understand why some people would prefer to pay the fee and avoid being near any children at all instead of just hoping that any kids they’re near will be as well-behaved as yours are.

  71. tyep says:

    The last time I flew a redeye there was a screaming baby whose parents tried to calm it by walking up and down the aisle so everyone could share the pain. A ten dollar fee wouldn’t have helped there.

  72. PicklePants says:

    I don’t like sitting near screaming babies any more than the rest of you, but could everyone please keep in mind that it’s not like parents of small children *want* their children to scream and cry?* I mean really, if you think you can get my baby to stop crying, feel free to give it a go. I’ll give you $10 if you succeed. Similarly, if the fasten seat belts sign is on, and the diaper is about to explode, would you rather I change the diaper while seated, or run the risk of having poop escape onto the seat cushion, the baby’s clothes, my clothes, your clothes, etc. Also, changing a diaper is sometimes the only way to get a crying baby to calm down, so take your pick, people.

    Personally, I would pay extra not to have to sit near to people with B.O. or people who talk about their religion in voice loud enough to be heard three rows up for the whole flight. The last flight I took, I had to deal with both of these at the same time.

    (* I’m talking about little babies here. Obviously, some parents of older children don’t supervise as well as they should…)

  73. SlappyFrog says:

    How about if we have the airline make the parents pay to tranquilize the child and ship it in pressurized cargo like they do with dogs and other animals?

    • PicklePants says:

      @SlappyFrog: You know, no one is stopping the adults on the flight from taking drugs. If loud babies bother you, feel free to down a couple tranqs yourself before boarding. I’ll bet you’ll never hear a thing.

  74. Blueskylaw says:

    How about that $10 charge for being able to sit inside the plane?
    Ohh darn, dont want to give them anymore ideas.

  75. kmw2 says:

    Hand over $10 to make my personal in-flight pet peeves go away? Oh, you betcha! Only if they were offering a menu of options though. (Do you think they’d do special deals? $25 to get nice food, a seat away from baby and priority boarding maybe? I’d totally pay that.)

  76. res ipsa pasta says:

    Well, at least now the airlines are moving the slow people to a separate x-ray screening lane.
    See here.

  77. rubberkeyhole says:

    how about $10 extra for a nobody-under-18 flight??

  78. Anonymous says:

    How about $0 to be treated in a decent manner.

    My favorite flight experience on United. My wife bought the tickets from the web site, including seats for our two you (one baby one toddler) who were getting strapped into car seats (we don’t like baby’s in our laps and we didn’t want them becoming projectiles). United’s web site put two adults and two small children the row in front of the exit. I pointed this out to the agent at check-in and was told to point it out to the gate agent. The gate agent told me the flight attendants would fix it. When I pointed it out to the flight attendants as we boarded they told us to go ahead and sit down, because they needed us out of the aisles so everyone could board. Then, after everyone is on board, a flight attendant comes along, and very loudly says (SIGH) ” YOU CAN’T SIT THERE! THAT’S IN FRONT OF THE EXIT ROW! CHILDREN AREN’T ALLOWED THERE!” They found someone to switch us with and then, as we moved our stuff (car-seats, carry-ons, children), one of the other Flight Attendants comes up and very loudly huffs for us and everyone around to hear “CAN YOU PLEASE HURRY! EVERYONE ON THE PLANE IS WAITING FOR YOU!”.

    Every time United hits financial troubles I go and buy a bottle of champagne.

  79. Yurei says:

    I’d rather they charge the people with the screaming children $10 more to board. They’re the ones being disruptive, not me. Why should I have to pay to not have to listen to it?

    I mean geeze, I understand that children can be difficult but sheesh people, knowing your children are such come prepared with things to keep them biddable. Either that or discipline the little hell spawns so they don’t act up in the first place.

  80. hotrodmetal says:

    I would pay a lot more than that to sit away from somebody that has “diarrhea of the mouth” and wants to tell you their life story, or wants to sell something, or network.

    I will take the screaming kids all day long compared to the other lunatics.

  81. ursa says:

    the best thing to do to avoid the screaming kids don’t sit at the bulkhead. many people traveling with kids will sit there so they get the extra room for diaper bags, toys etc.

    i’ve spent 5 hours flying beside a screamer – and it was the first leg of a flight to Beijing. glad i got off in YVR

    by the way – the parents with the kids are trying to quiet them too. they don’t come with a mute switch you know

  82. Amy Alkon000 says:

    I love how some people assume that every child screams

    Not every child. There’s always Benedryl or duct tape.

  83. BytheSea says:

    Gimme any and all monies for: being willing to wait before, after, and during the flight, putting up with kids, and having no amenities whatsoever. I don’t need frequent flyer miles, either, b/c I fly about once every seven years and those things expire faster than that. If you let me bring a snack, fill my water bottle at the fountain in the terminal, listen to my ipod, sleep on my jacket, and read my book, I’m good. I don’t like the middle seat, though, I’m claustrophobic.

    My parents shipped me off to wilderness camp every summer — CHRISTIAN wilderness camp. I can survive a 3 hour plane ride by the basics.

  84. dottat1 says:

    next up.. we’ll have BABY quotas.. to make sure there are enough of them to make money off these charges.

  85. lihtox says:

    I hate people who recline their seats in front of me too, and have gotten into trouble by being a jerk about it (oops bad temper– fortunately it never involved Homeland Security).

    Worse than any airline though are the reclining seats on Greyhound buses. I got on a Greyhound bus from Champaign to Chicago one time, unaware that this was the last leg from some distant origin, and EVERYONE had their seat back (to sleep I suppose). It was almost literally impossible to sit upright on that bus when the seat in front of you was pushed back– just not enough space– and so everyone had to ride at an angle for the entire trip. Miserable experience. Proud of myself for surviving it. :)

  86. Purrrz says:

    I’ll take a screaming child ANY DAY instead of an overweight, flatulent, uneducated, ill-mannered, sour-breathed buffoon who can’t sit still and insists on chatting constantly.

  87. kabuk1 says:

    I have the perfect solution. Well, two, actually.

    1. Lock all babies & screaming brats in the luggage hold. Well-behaved, QUIET children will be allowed to sit with their parents. All flight attendants will be issued a taser and be encouraged to make examples of unruly little shits.

    2. DRIVE. Unless it’s international travel, get off your lazy ass & friggin’ DRIVE to your destination. That way, your little broken condoms won’t annoy anyone besides you!

    …………………………..

    Sorry, maybe you couldn’t tell, but I absolutely hate kids with a passion. It’s my mom’s fault. My mom is the kind of parent that boils my blood too- she lets my little sister do WHATEVER she wants, WHENEVER. The kid is Little Miss ADHD Oklahoma already, and my mom pumps her full of sugar all day long. She runs wild in public & annoys the living shit out of everybody. And if I say anything, I’M the bad guy. We’ll be out at a restaurant & Demon Seed will be yelling, throwing shit, running laps around the tables, and tripping the waiters, and my mom thinks its CUTE.

    I’m getting my fucking tubes tied.

  88. resonanteye says:

    How about they just CHARGE for each baby/toddler? Charging extra to those who bring a baby on a flight?

    Same way they don’t give me a “discount” for not checking ten bags…they charge people with ten bags extra…

  89. parabola101 says:

    how about $10 for a more comfortable/bigger seat, $10 for a higher quality food during international flights, or $10 to be treated with respect and dignity??

  90. CaptOverThere says:

    I’m flying to Florida in Jan. with my 6 month old and was nervous about him potentially crying and annoying anyone on the plane. Now after reading some of the comments here about kids, I could care less.

  91. bitplayer says:

    I can’t remember the last time I saw a baby on a plane. times are hard and I think the only people traveling with babies now are people who have no choice at all
    ll.

  92. Topcat says:

    Bogus. [www.cbc.ca]

    Knew it was from the moment I saw it. It’s totally against WestJet’s MO to do something like charge/credit for minute details of flights. You buy a Westjet ticket, and everything’s included. Period. And that’s what I love about them.