10 Lies You Really Shouldn't Try On Your Next Resume

Hey lazy! Are you still looking for a job? Maybe you’re thinking about “embellishing” your work history a little more, then. However, according to CareerBuilder you should be careful, because “49 percent of hiring managers reported they caught a candidate lying on their resume,” usually about things like responsibilities and skills. If you feel lucky, go for it, but there are certain Really Big Lies you probably shouldn’t try.

CareerBuilder.com asked hiring managers to share the most memorable or outrageous lies they came across on resumes. Examples include:

  1. Claimed to be a member of the Kennedy family
  2. Invented a school that did not exist
  3. Submitted a resume with someone else’s photo inserted into the document
  4. Claimed to be a member of Mensa
  5. Claimed to have worked for the hiring manager before, but never had
  6. Claimed to be the CEO of a company when the candidate was an hourly employee
  7. Listed military experience dating back to before he was born
  8. Included samples of work, which the interviewer actually did
  9. Claimed to be Hispanic when he was 100 percent Caucasian
  10. Claimed to have been a professional baseball player

Now that you know what not to write (apparently “former astronaut” is still okay), here are a few other tips. Apply early, make sure you highlight specific accomplishments that can be gleaned in less than 30 seconds (because that’s probably how long your resume will be viewed), and use keywords:

Hiring managers often use electronic scanners to rank candidates based on a keyword search of applications, so make sure to pepper keywords from the job posting into your resume as they apply to your experience. The terms employers search for most often are:

  • problem-solving and decision-making skills (50 percent)
  • oral and written communications (44 percent)
  • customer service or retention (34 percent)
  • performance and productivity improvement (32 percent)
  • leadership (30 percent)
  • technology (27 percent)
  • team-building (26 percent)
  • project management (20 percent)
  • bilingual (14 percent)

“Nearly Half of Employers Have Caught a Lie on a Resume, CareerBuilder.com Survey Shows” [Marketwatch]
(Photo: Getty)

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. Verdigris says:

    Here’s my new resume:

    problem-solving and decision-making skills
    oral and written communications
    customer service or retention
    performance and productivity improvement
    leadership
    technology
    team-building
    project management
    bilingual

    Yes, I’m ALL these things.

  2. Well I suppose those lies fit the “go big or go home” mentality.

  3. MissPeacock says:

    I think that even if you don’t have one particular skill that an employer is looking for, it’s best to acknowledge it up front, admit your willingness to learn new things, and say that even though you don’t know much about X, you do know a lot about Y, and then relate how it could possibly relate to X.

    I personally would never lie about my qualifications in a resume or interview, simply because if I did, I wouldn’t know how to do the actual job and would probably get fired anyhow.

  4. johnva says:

    WTF? It’s possible to be Hispanic and 100% Caucasian. It only means that you come from a Spanish-speaking culture and has nothing to do with race. The hiring manager who submitted that one is more of an idiot than the person who put it on a resume.

  5. @Verdigris: Nice–it’s scannable AND skimmable! And you can print it on half a sheet of paper to save money.

  6. mariospants says:

    I once interviewed at a company where one of the guys interviewing me claimed to have done some work that I knew from first-hand experience was done by someone else. Perfect time to name-drop, but I held back because embarassing one of your interviewers is probably not a good idea.

  7. mariospants says:

    @johnva: Likely, it was a hispanic taking offense that someone would label them hispanic when they don’t have the requisite darker skin, brown eyes and dark hair… discriminatory because I know some blond-haired blue eyed pasty girls who were born and lived in Spain… are they not 100% “hispanic”?

  8. joe18521 says:

    So basically the first list is a bunch of lies that can be easily proved wrong whereas the second list is a bunch of lies that can’t be easily proved wrong.

  9. cmdrsass says:

    *removes “former astronaut” from resume*

  10. TracyHamandEggs says:

    As a member of Mensa, I don’t even put it on my resume, it doesn’t help and actually puts people off. I once had someone put it on a resume for an office manager deal, then brought it up twice during an interview.

    Next applicant please.

  11. Verdigris says:

    @Chris Walters: That’s right! I could print these suckers on business cards.

  12. A.W.E.S.O.M.-O says:

    That percentage would be a lot higher if they counted all the people who claim to be “proficient in Microsoft Word” but can’t do anything besides change the font and spellcheck.

  13. johnva says:

    @mariospants: Refusing to hire someone because they claimed to be Hispanic and were Caucasian might actually be an EEO violation, come to think of it. It’s discrimination solely on the basis of race and an incorrect definition of the term.

  14. satyricrash says:

    Wow, that Hispanic thing is pretty bad.

  15. friedgold says:

    @johnva: i thought hispanic was a racial identifier, along the lines of ‘african american’, ‘asian’, or ‘caucasian’. growing up with a hispanic background doesn’t change your race any more than growing up in africa makes you ‘african american’ (in the racial context of the word)

  16. legotech says:

    We had a resume come through with the statement that the candidate was “Time Magazine’s Man of the Year for 2006″ and while technically true…it didn’t win him any points

  17. Geekybiker says:

    What is hard to believe about being in MENSA? I could join if I liked. The entrance requirements aren’t that strict.

  18. johnva says:

    @friedgold: Nope, my understanding is that the U.S. government specifically defines “Hispanic”, basically, as “native Spanish-speaking, regardless of race”. There are a lot of Caucasians in Latin American and Spain who are native Spanish speakers, so the census term was specifically designed to include them. It is NOT a racial term, period. It often gets USED that way, because a large portion of the Hispanic population is Mexican, Central American, etc. But people who use it that way are using it incorrectly.

  19. friedgold says:

    @johnva: well damn, i should teach my kids spanish instead of english. at least this way affirmative action helps instead of hurts. (asian here)

  20. @TracyHamandEggs9 is the bitchiest banana: Exactly. I consider MENSA a social club, like the Elks or Rotary. Also, certifications are to only be noted on the resume. Once you get the position I don’t need to know the list of your certs every time you send out an email.

  21. johnva says:

    Furethermore: Government link

    You can see there that the government refers to “Hispanics” as an ethnicity, not a race.

  22. RabbitDinner says:

    I am Hispanic although I look very very caucasian. In all fairness, I am only half hispanic, but I hope I don’t get written off as a liar

  23. mike says:

    @A.W.E.S.O.M.-O: I’ve always felt funny typing in all of the software that I know how to use. Word, PP, Excel, Access, etc…the list goes on and on…

    But you’re right. People who often write “proficient in Microsoft Word” often use a Word resume template to begin with…that’s not proficient.

    @legotech: That’s just funny and sad at the same time.

  24. AaronZ says:

    I helped get my cousin John Kennedy into Mensa back when I was the CEO of the the Spanish military baseball team.

  25. mike says:

    @johnva: It’s possible. I say that I’m 7/19th German.

  26. johnva says:

    @linus: I think they specifically don’t call “Hispanic” a racial term because so many Hispanic countries are such a mishmash of racial origins.

  27. I’m a CEO/former baseball player/Kennedy family member with great problem-solving and decision-making skills.

    HIRE ME!

  28. mike says:

    @johnva: Either way, I’ve actually told people this and they accept it without batting an eye. Always think that’s funny.

  29. RodAox says:

    eeeh, well i dont understand why it matters to lie about your race, considering the hiring decision cannot be based on it.

  30. johnva says:

    @linus: People are sensitized not to question that sort of thing, even when it makes little sense :)

  31. cmdrsass says:

    Where in the world would being a member of the disreputable Kennedy clan be a plus on a resume except a Massachusetts government agency?

  32. badhatharry says:

    @legotech: Seriously? I would have hired that guy just to make me laugh.

  33. johnva says:

    @RodAox: Yep, that’s why I think it might actually be an EEO violation to reject that one for “lying”. Nevermind that, like I said, it’s not necessarily a lie.

  34. MissPeacock says:

    @legotech: For real? I think that’s hilarious and shows some imagination (not to mention guts). I would have at least called him in for an interview. And like you said, it was technically true. :)

  35. JiminyChristmas says:

    How the hell does one determine tan individual is “100% Caucasian”? Unless a DNA test is part of the application, you can’t.

    It is asking for serious trouble to question a job applicant’s stated race when their physical appearance doesn’t correlate with what you think they should look like. I’ve known several mixed race (one white parent, one black) people, who identified themselves as African-American, whose appearance ran the gamut. Some had traits that would be typical of having two black parents. Some could easily be taken for southern Europeans.

    Likewise, when I was in college I dated a woman who was 1/4 Fond du Lac Chippewa. She was pale and had red hair. One time I was with her in the financial aid office while she was discussing a scholarship with the staff. This guy in a line next to us turns around and asks, “What kind of minority are you?!?” I could have throttled that jackass.

  36. mac-phisto says:

    i don’t answer ethnic-based questions out of principle. sometimes i wonder if that automatically disqualifies me from consideration.

    @RodAox: i think the fact that it appears on this list thoroughly disproves your point. i know that legally your correct, but then i witnessed a woman get fired because she was “a distraction to the other workers”, so i tend to be a little jaded on these matters.

  37. Norcross says:

    Well, my son is considered Hispanic (my wife is part Cuban), but he appears as WASPy as I am.

    If I ever have a daughter, she’ll be eligible for both Hispanic-based scholarships AND the Daughters of the American Revolution scholarships. I can’t wait to laugh at that.

    As for using Word, I always thought “Microsoft Office Suite” was the way to go.

  38. samurailynn says:

    @friedgold: What about South Africans who are white? Are they not African?

  39. JiminyChristmas says:

    @Geekybiker: True or not, I don’t think putting ‘member of MENSA’ on a resume would be a net positive. The fact someone would seek out and advertise membership in that organization tells me, while they may have a high IQ, they are likely arrogant yet insecure assholes. Picture the stereotypical help desk genius with a superiority complex.

  40. sventurata says:

    @Norcross: Yes, MS Office is standard (unless one has magical capabilities with Excel or PowerPoint that relate to the job).

    I don’t understand why race needs to be on anyone’s resume.

  41. MyPetFly says:

    @Verdigris:

    Based on your resume idea, here’s mine… : )

    50 percent
    44 percent
    34 percent
    32 percent
    30 percent
    27 percent
    26 percent
    20 percent
    14 percent

    At 277%, I’m obviously the best candidate, and I should be hired at 277% of the mandated salary for the position. Thank you.

  42. 3drage says:

    I’ve had little success in being honest during job interviews. And working with the biggest liar, because they were dishonest more than you is really detrimental to the work environment. I don’t understand managers that interview who look specifically for the biggest BSer, they really lose out on the people who are eager to learn and work hard.

  43. Triborough says:

    Well I have a real 1994 Toronto Blue Jays jersey with my name on it. And I speak fluent Canadian English, too.

  44. linbey says:

    3. Submitted a resume with someone else’s photo inserted into the document

    Im just wondering who in the hell puts their picture in their resume. Is this something new to do? Its hard enough just fitting the whole text of a resume on 1 sheet of paper unless they changed that unwritten rule too and can now have a 30 page resume.

  45. Dobernala says:

    # Claimed to be Hispanic when he was 100 percent Caucasian

    No affirmative action for you, whitey! You’ll be the last person we consider because we have racial quotas here at XYZ MegaCorp.

  46. DrGirlfriend says:

    Hmm. I am Hispanic, but I am also white. I also have a name that is in English and not Spanish, thanks to one rogue American in my family tree. I’d hate to be thought of as a liar just because of that!

    Hispanic isn’t a race, it’s an ethnicity. And there can be various kinds of races within that group. Perhaps it should say “Don’t say you’re Hispanic when you really aren’t.”

  47. A.W.E.S.O.M.-O says:

    @linus: It just makes me angry that I can put “proficient in Excel,” but it means absolutely nothing because some other douchebag will put the same thing along with the other 50 white lies on his resume, but he wins in the end because he’ll get the job, and as far as I know, nobody’s been fired for not knowing how to use boolean logic in Excel.

  48. johnva says:

    @3drage: Lying must work, sadly, or not so many people would do it. I can see a few jobs (sales/marketing comes to mind) where being a good liar might be a positive personality characteristic, though I still don’t understand why someone would want to hire someone who has proven they have no integrity. But I guess the rest of society doesn’t value honesty as much as I do.

  49. evenkevin says:

    I came in here to mention the Hispanic/Caucasian problem, but I see we have that covered.

    Good job guys!

  50. MyPetFly says:

    @evenkevin:

    Apparently it’s a bigger issue than I ever realized. I work with a fellow from Colombia, who’s got reddish blond hair, light skin, and no accent since he moved here to the US when he was seven. I would have never guessed unless he told me.

  51. Veeber says:

    @silencedotcom: I was wondering if people really think it helps to be a Kennedy

  52. P_Smith says:

    The dumbest one on that list I’ve ever heard of involved my brother when he was joining the military (mid-1990s). He wasn’t being stupid, the military recruiter was.

    Applicants have to give a life’s history for investigation. The recruiter said (in our living room), “Why haven’t you listed what you were doing before the year 197_?”

    My brother said, “That’s the year I was born.”

    The recruiter claimed my brother was being evasive. 9_9

  53. AlexPDL says:

    It’s great to see that “hiring managers” are morons. I cannot believe the Hispanic thing. God what an insult. Clearly reflects an absolute lack of cultural literacy. Unfrigging believable.

    On another note, it sucks that people lie on their resumes. It makes life for us non-liars harder. Personally, my resume is very public. I fa former employer tells me I have exaggerated something I would be utterly mortified.

  54. MyPetFly says:

    @P_Smith:

    Well he WAS being evasive… he was gestating. Sheesh.

  55. ibored says:

    @linbery, most college career offices will train you in the 1 page gold standard, but there are many people with whom 1 page really is insufficient. Anythign more than 3 though really is overkill don’t hand recruiters a book.

    After getting hired, I went back and recruited at a career fair at my Alma Mater. I foudn out that the career services office had been using my resume as a ‘template’ or ‘example’ becasue I got handed my resume with somebody elses name at the top.

  56. Skiffer says:

    @JiminyChristmas: Awww…jealous much?

  57. AstroPig7 says:

    So, wait: My friend who was born in Mexico to Mexicans, yet speaks almost no Spanish, isn’t Hispanic?

  58. Shadowman615 says:

    Hispanic is an ethnicity, and is [i]not[/i] exclusive to any race. A person can be white-hispanic, black-hispanic, american indian-hispanic, etc.

    At least that is how the US government defines it. I do contracting work for the US federal government, and deal quite a bit in race/ethnicity statistics — that’s how we handle Hispanics.

    So yes, I’d agree that whoever submitted that line and wrote the article apparently did not know what he was talking about.

  59. johnva says:

    @AstroPig7: Seeing as “Hispanic” is an ethnic designation, it’s sort of vaguely defined. Usually language goes along with ethnicity, but it doesn’t necessarily have to. I’d say your friend is Hispanic if he considers himself Hispanic.

  60. Average_Joe says:

    “Claimed to be Hispanic when he was 100 percent Caucasian”
    What is wrong with this? Ethnicity should not be a criteria.

  61. kc2idf says:

    If they are looking for bilingual, that could skew against someone who speaks more than two languages.

    On the question of whether or not club memberships should be listed . . .

    I doubt I would list Mensa (if I were a member) not just because it is a social club, but also because there is a sour taste left by members (probably a small minority) who feel they have to work this fact into every conversation. My sister has stated an active desire not to join on the basis that membership simply says, “I’m smarter than you. Nyah!”

    Surely, I would not list Rotary, Elks, Moose, etc. for the simple reason that, while they do, in fact, do good public works, they are still basically a social club. There might be exceptions, depending on relevance, in which you might list some project you specifically worked on within one of these clubs, though.

    If it seemed relevant to the job, I might list membership in an amateur radio association, fire department, ambulance corps, or other technical or emergency service organization.

    I would however, list Toastmasters (of which I am a member) because Toastmasters is all about personal development, and implies that you have and/or are working on your communications and leadership skills.

    Your mileage may vary.

  62. Shadowman615 says:

    Here’s the census definition. Yes, it is completely self-identifiable, and not exclusive to any race.

    [www.census.gov]

  63. backbroken says:

    @johnva: To be honest, anyone who puts their ethnicity on their resume, correct or not, is not going to get an interview from me.

  64. Canoehead says:

    “That percentage would be a lot higher if they counted all the people who claim to be “proficient in Microsoft Word” but can’t do anything besides change the font and spellcheck.”

    Stop being mean to my assistant!

  65. stinerman says:

    Ahh, buzzwords.

  66. @backbroken: I agree it shouldn’t just be on there, but sometimes it sneaks in (ex. “Winner, award of excellence from Hispanic Journalists Association” or some such).

  67. Shadowman615 says:

    @legotech: RE: man-of-the-year 2006.

    So you weeded him out because he put a somewhat-clever joke on his resume? Perhaps it was the applicants way of weeding out a humorless or overly stuffy potential employer. Looks like it worked.

  68. RandomHookup says:

    @linbey: It’s very common in Europe. When I worked for a German company, all the German kids would apply to work in the US with the nice shiny photo on top. Some people do this in the US, but it’s much less common.

  69. selianth says:

    As far as the proficiency in MS Office goes: I’ve gone through several recruiting/temp agencies (looking for perm positions) that have had me do the Word/Excel/Powerpoint tests before even wanting to interview me for admin positions. It’s always nice to blow them away with generally the highest scores they’ve ever seen. These tests are not that hard. I’m really wondering about the skill level of the people that just get “average.”

  70. Carencey says:

    @linbey: I’ve actually seen including a picture as a “don’t” on lists of resume do’s and don’ts. the reasoning being that it gives none of the information needed to fairly evaluate you as a job candidate, and a lot of information that could be used to unfairly discriminate. However, I could see it being included in certain fields where the appearance of the applicant could be important.

  71. skloon says:

    Had an applicant that indicated flying experience with the Concorde 4 years before it came into service, while flying for the military and an airline at the same time. I was suprised he didn’t claim a few hours in the Spruce Goose

  72. RodAox says:

    @mac-phisto: Was she jerking off the other employees or something? Unless she showed up to work wearing nothing but lingerie sounds like that should be the problem of other employees not hers.

  73. RodAox says:

    @selianth: They do not know how to bring up the paper clip dude thus an average… if i had it my way it would be death!

  74. eyeballpupil says:

    I love Soledad O’Brien’s bio. Member of (and awards from) Irish-American, black and hispanic organizations, as well as a more general ‘minority’ organization.

  75. Slytherin says:

    @friedgold: Actually the only races that I have seen on forms are: 1.) White 2.) African American 3.) Asian 4.) Middle Eastern. Hispanic people is an ethnicity within a race, mostly under White or African American.

  76. mac-phisto says:

    @RodAox: no, she was an excellent co-worker. she was fired b/c she had tits. plain & simple.

    i resigned shortly after that & cited her dismissal as one of the reasons. i don’t tolerate crap like that.

  77. Snarkysnake says:

    Just a few observations-

    Maybe people embellish for other reasons,like…

    1) The dumb shit people in HR are easily impressed.

    2) The dumb shit people in HR have stupid,unrealistic expectations.(“I’m a professional pornstar but still technically a virgin”)

    3) The dumb shit people in HR are so busy screwing up their department that they wouldn’t know the truth from applesauce.

    Okay,we’ve etablished that the folks in HR use their good offices to wreck the company. No shame in that.But there are some accomplished people that don’t fit into any precooked templates dreamed up by the HR staff as a quick and dirty screening device that would make damn fine employees. Those people,needless to say,never get a return phone call,much less serious consideration.Maybe that is why some people put outlandish claims on their resumes.

  78. aka Cat says:

    @Skiffer: I doubt it. I was a member of MENSA at one time, and I’m a little embarrassed about it now. Or rather, I would be if I wasn’t moving into the “shameless nutty coot” phase of my life.

  79. TechnoDestructo says:

    Invented a school that did not exist

    I was recently on jury duty in a case where the defendant allegedly (in this case, almost certainly) did that. A LOT.

    In his application for an engineering job, he claimed to have a Mechanical Engineering degree from an “Apache University” in Florida. He also claimed something like 10 years experience. He got the job, BTW.

    On his mortgage broker license application, he claimed some OTHER degree from them, AND he claimed a bunch of years experience as a mortgage originator (the case involved money and equipment stolen in order to set up a mortgage broker business…yes, during the height of the bubble), which occurred CONCURRENT with his engineering experience, halfway across the country. He got his mortgage broker license, too.

    Oh, and the best part was the prosecutor alleging (but not really pursuing, because it wasn’t relevant to the charges) that the guy’s DAUGHTER also had a “degree” from Apache University. And the defendant replying “you’d have to ask her, she’s got warrants for her in Wisconsin.”

    @backbroken:
    Good, I thought I was the only person who thought there was something fundamentally wrong with that.

    Also…is being a Mensa member actually an asset? The story about Isaac Asimov resigning because they were a bunch of dicks makes them sound like a bunch of dicks.

  80. TechnoDestructo says:

    @kc2idf:

    Not only that, but when I see “bilingual” in a job listing, they are almost always looking for and ONLY for Spanish.

    Should I say I’m “bilingual” in Japanese and Korean? Hell, do most HR people know what “bilingual” actually means? I think this whole article proves a hell of a lot of them are retards…AND that there are people out there dumber still.

  81. dwneylonsr says:

    Some Mensans are arrogant assholes, most are not. When I first joined in 1983 I went to one get together and never went back. Although I maintained my membership off and on, I never went to another meeting until 1996 in Colorado. I had a blast. These people were only about having fun, anything else was incidental.

    You’ve got to figure that with 1 in 50 people being eligible for membership you’re going to get a pretty wide variation in personalities.

    I don’t put it on my resume, nor do I actively talk about being a member. Or for that matter even mention it in passing.

  82. Ragman says:

    @Norcross: “As for using Word, I always thought “Microsoft Office Suite” was the way to go.” No, the way to go is to list what they’re asking for – when in doubt, get all of it in there. Several years ago I sent a resume to a headhunter with database skills listed as “Access, dBase, SQL Server,” etc. I got an email back – “Sorry, but the client is looking for somebody with RDBMS skills”.

    After that one, I snagged one of my wife’s textbooks from her business school information systems class for managerial types. I used it to make sure I was using the right “buzz” words on my resume, along with the actual software I was using.

  83. weakdome says:

    how unlucky would you be to have included samples of work done by the person conducting your interview? What are the chances of that? Amazing. Small town I guess, or a pretty unique field…

  84. So they don’t mind I keep saying in my resume I’m a former French Legionnaire.

  85. joneszac says:

    I have a “Hispanic” biological father and a French or “Caucasian” biological mother. However, I look Irish; I have red hair and was adopted by an Irish/Welsh family. I even wear a driving cap all the time! I don’t identify with being “Hispanic” because I was raised in a “Caucasian” home, but you know what?… I get to claim being “Hispanic” because of society’s one drop rule.

    When did a person’s race or ethnic identity become the right of an employer to decide? “Oh, he looks white, I’ll check the box ‘Caucasian’ for him.”

  86. Dave on bass says:

    I haven’t read all the comments in their entirety, but the race/ehtnicity thing cracks me up. I once knew a blonde,blue-eyed white girl that was born and partly-raised in Africa and then emigrated to the US several years later. Not a single person would call her African-American, ever, but I’ll bet she could have a field day with somebody about it.

    Also, fun fact – friend of mine visiting from Australia recently told me that they call all non-Aboriginal black people in Australia “African-American” as well. The mind boggles.

    Anyways, great list of lies! Love it when people try to claim work that I did myself unbeknownst to them. =0)

  87. thefastest says:

    @Verdigris: i’d like to offer you a job.

  88. thefastest says:

    @Chris Walters: or maybe even a 3×5 index card. or a post it note.

  89. fashionista says:

    @P_Smith: Technically, he was being evasive – he was snuggled deep inside a womb, working on physical development.

  90. the_gank says:

    they’re called “white lies”

  91. malvones says:

    Whatever! I’m 150% Inuit, and I speak Tagalog.

  92. @kc2idf: “Surely, I would not list Rotary, Elks, Moose, etc. for the simple reason that, while they do, in fact, do good public works, they are still basically a social club.”

    Oh, I absolutely would, for two reasons: They’re all service organizations as well as social organizations, and they all show community commitment, which if you’re interviewing locally is important.

  93. TechnoDestructo says:

    God the more I look at that list of key words the more it fills me with RAGE.

    The whole thing just REEKS of people not knowing how to search…like not understanding how keyword searches work.

    Is it actually physically possible to optimize a resume with stuff like this in mind without developing contempt for the whole process?

  94. TechnoDestructo says:

    @malvones:

    You’re not “bilingual” because you don’t speak Spanish.

  95. LostAngeles says:

    All this time I’ve been worrying about, “eupemizing,” up my resume with, “facilitated synergy between customer and product…”

  96. perruptor says:

    Nobody is proficient in MS Word for more than a couple of years. They keep ‘enhancing’ every new version so you have to relearn how to do everything.

    I should know – I developed it, not long after I invented Mensa.

  97. weakdome says:

    @malvones: Thank you for QuickBooks.

  98. SinisterMatt says:

    I would never lie on a resume, and in fact I think it’s pretty dumb. To corroborate, you’re going to have to lie on an application (if there is one), and there’s a line in most application that if anything is false on the application, then they can fire you.

    But, if you feel possessed to do such things, at least make it believable.

    The school thing actually works at times, it seems, because HR doesn’t verify the information that much. I recall reading a story about a woman who worked for a university somewhere. She had been there for like 30 years and was nearing retirement. The degree she had listed on her resume and the university she allegedly got it from were both fictitious. Apparently no one ever verified that she really did go there. Anyone know how common something like lying about schools is?

    Cheers!

  99. Zabella says:

    I had a great resume once, it was all great until the last section

    Likes: Blah blah blah running, etc, chicken and brocccoli

    Pissed myself, memorable!

  100. 00447447 says:

    Mr. Cockenfuckicunt is in trouble.

  101. zolielo says:

    Racism with the 100%. Looks can be deceiving when it comes to race.

  102. u1itn0w2day says:

    @Snarkysnake: 100% agree.But they have to justify that degree or title.One exception though I think many HRs do a good job with the existing employees and problems but hiring new employees no way.

    I think most companies spend too much time looking for the ideal candidate.You can’t always categorize certain experiences,skills or degrees.Scary part is that I always see the same companies at jobs fairs with the same requirements.

    I’ve seen idiots pass the police/civil service test after being coached on how to answer and getting a politician as reference.The samething goes on in corporate America as well,a networked applicant is told or coached as to what the company is looking for so those things wind up being emphasized on the resume and in the interview.

    Lying on resume is one of the dirty little secrets of corporate America,it’s been going for years.I’ve read many a survey where business majors are most likely to lie and probably expect you will lie as well.

    @SinisterMatt: I remember that lady,I think it was an Ivy League School.Scarey part is that she apparently did her job quite well:WITHOUT the required degree.

    Man if productivity matched the resumes that are turned in there would be no problems in America today.

  103. tweemo says:

    It’s actually really easy to get into Mensa; the only dumb part of putting it on your resume is thinking anyone will be impressed.

  104. parabola101 says:

    Hummmm, here’s the flip side of what employers lie about…

    Lying about the number of work hours required & expecting you to work for FREE whenever asked.
    Lying about your chances for promotion
    Not disclosing the “REAL” job description (these are often written by professional advertising companies)
    Lying about the corporate culture (telling you they only hire the brightest & best team-oriented people)
    Lying about how much they can really pay you.
    Lying about how their pay scale actually works
    Telling you how “WONDERFUL” the management staff is when in reality they hire from for a pool of narcissistic, pre-madonna’s
    Lying about the level of confidentiality you can expect

  105. @u1itn0w2day: “Lying on resume is one of the dirty little secrets of corporate America,it’s been going for years.I’ve read many a survey where business majors are most likely to lie and probably expect you will lie as well.”

    I actually teach out of a business ethics textbook that says IT’S ALL RIGHT TO LIE ON A RESUME BECAUSE IT’S ALL PART OF THE GAME.

    I spend a lot of time explaining to my students how this can get you fired at best and prison time at worst if you happen to be at a place that makes you sign affidavits when submitting your resume!

  106. Drowner says:

    @mariospants: Not really nope. It’s the racial markers people are discriminating against not where you’re from. If your friend looks 100% white by GOD she should use that to her advantage. If I didn’t look black, I wouldn’t be scrawing african america across any application. But I am so I do.

  107. Drowner says:

    obviously african americaN, not african america. -sigh-

  108. Trai_Dep says:

    I was hiring for a technical position and a candidate – who was actually doing fairly well and was personable – listed on his resume that he spoke Japanese. So, in Japanese, I asked him how he was doing and if the drive to our interview was pleasant.
    The guy blanched. Color drained from his face. Sputter. Sputter. Ask for a repeat. Sputter. I asked what his name was – which a five-year-old Japanese should know. More of the same.
    Japanese had NOTHING to do with the job title, but we killed his candidacy right there.

    Don’t lie, even on the non-job-related stuff.

    We also called the companies listed to verify employment. And references. It’s stunning how few companies do this. How many of your companies check?

  109. cal_derra says:

    HR is one of the biggest problems with the modern job market. You either meet the invisible standard they’ve constructed behind closed doors, which may or may not have anything whatsoever to do with the day-to-day functions of the position, or you’re out.

    But it’s the little things that really let you know that HR is usually the most clueless department in the building…

    “We’re looking for an experienced and professional phone service representative, with excellent verbal communications skills. Please apply by mail or fax.”

    “Need someone who can troubleshoot internet connections and networking issues. Must be able to demonstrate excellent computer skills, and must be on-call outside of normal business hours in case of emergency. Please apply by mail only.”

  110. RandomHookup says:

    @u1itn0w2day: You think the perceived problems with HR might be more about bad management using HR as the bad guys? I’ve had to undo more than my share of bad management decisions. HR didn’t think it was a good idea to hire the hottie for sales…it was some manager with clout.

    One little known aspect of HR — most pure “HR” people hate recruiting…it’s a whole different skill set (kinda like sales and marketing — same job family, different skills). I’m mostly a recruiter, and I hate the HR job — whiny employees, time spent on “fairness”, saying “no” all the time…

  111. David in Brasil says:

    Is Brazilian considered “hispanic”? Just wondering.