It is no secret that we dole out criticism of the cable companies, perhaps, on a daily basis. We thought it might be fair and equitable to learn what cable technicians hate about the customers. We found out about this post written by a cable tech who isn’t afraid to let it fly, “And every once in a while, we get the one customer, and we just fucking hate you,” says “InstallerTechJeff” on Cable Rant Forums. The 25 reasons, inside…

First off I would have to say, I really love being a cable guy. It is a very respectable job, and I have been doing cable for just over 2 years. It’s a decent job with good benefits. I love people. I love being around people. Particularly in the area I work in, I don’t typically have to deal with your everyday morons. Most customers are very happy to see me arrive, and I am usually very happy to meet them as well.

Keep some things in mind though. First of all, we are human beings, and if we at any point realize that there is going to be a substantial amount of work to do in order to get your services up and running, it may and probably will become irritating.

And every once in a while, we get the one customer, and we just fucking hate you.

1. We call you to confirm the appointment and to let you know we’re on the way. We get there. You’re not home, so we leave, and we end up having to come back to do the damn job because you are liars and said you were home, when you weren’t. We are on schedules you asshole. You can wait another day or until the evening to get your shit installed.

2. Your dogs shit everywhere in your yard. Pick that shit up, we have to work in it. Slob.

3. Your dogs shit in your house. Shoot your dog please.

4. Your children are climbing on us. Control them. I for one love kids, and love playing with them but put that bugger in the crib sometimes.

5. Your house smells like ass. Clean up your plates that have plants growing on them now. This bowl that had milk in it is molding and looks like green beans now. It’s gross. Pick up your shitty diapers, and spray some air freshener or I’m coming back in with a surgical mask on (yes we have those), and I would prefer not to hurt your feelings.

6. Your router. Do it your damn self.

7. Offer us a drink, it’s hot, we’re probably going out of our way to make sure your shit works!

8. We’re not going to assemble your piece of crap computer! We’re not going to fix it either, we’re the cable company, not Geek Squad.

9. We’re not there to set up your surround sound system. We are not Circuit City.

10. MOVE YOUR CRAP OUT OF THE WAY!!! If we have to access your attic to change splitter configurations (or to do a wallfish), move your own shit out of the way, it’s not our job to move your boxes and luggage in your closet. We’re not Mayflower or any other moving company. In fact we’re not there to move any furniture, electronics, computers, clothing, boxes, etc. IF ANYTHING HAS TO BE MOVED, YOU NEED TO MOVE IT OR YOU DON’T GET YOUR CABLE. If we break something we have to pay for it. Here’s a solution, move your shit before we get there (ie. dressers, entertainment centers — move these AWAY from cable and AC outlets, so we have access)

11. If you are ordering Internet make sure you have a computer there for us to test it on when we arrive. common sense.

12. If you are ordering digital phone, you don’t need a phone there (we have test phones), but don’t expect us to run 3 phone outlets for free. the sh*t aint happening.

13. If your installation has to get rescheduled, don’t flip out. Its not our fault your drop got cut and has to be road-bored, and we are only adhering to our companies policies.

14. You don’t get a new box every time a new one comes out. That’s not how it works. They are all designed to do the same thing. If there’s a problem we’ll replace it, but don’t waste our time.

15. YOUR INTERNET IS NOT SLOW, YOUR COMPUTER IS!!! Take a few weeks to learn about how computers work. It’s important nowadays because computers rule the world right now. 95% of the time, if the internet is slow, your computer either has too much porn/spyware/adware/virus, etc to properly function. Run the recovery disk or fix it otherwise. Because if the signal levels are correct, your internet is going to be fast. modems usually don’t just go bad.

16. Dogs – A lot of us love animals but put those bitches up if they bite. It’s not funny. That’s why so many of my teammates hate dogs!! I love them, and most other animals but some of you idiots don’t train your animals. Put the mean ones away somewhere (preferably somewhere that is not important to the cable installation).

17. Put some damn clothes on. It was your choice for you to have us there at 8am, not ours. I’d rather be sleeping still. So get your ass up.

18. Coax wiring — don’t try to do it yourself, because you probably don’t know what youre doing. Radio Shack and Wal-Mart coax cable sucks. It’s usually RG-59 equivalent and is good for nothing. We use RG-6 or better. and the connectors, and dielectric/outer sheet layer differences on our cable make worlds of difference. Thanks for trying to help, but trust us on this one.

19. If your house is over 450 feet from the tap (or pole) don’t expect premium services (digital cable, internet, or digital phone) to work well, if they work at all. You probably shouldnt even have cable.

20. If you are ordering digital cable, make sure you have a working TV there for us to test it on when we arrive.

21. Contractors are hard workers, but there are bad eggs everywhere (contractors & in-house alike). Some of us were contractors before we worked directly for the company! Don’t hate!

22. Don’t get an attitude, when speaking to the tech, unless the tech has one first.

23. We physically CANNOT give you free HBO. your set-top box is provisioned from the office, not from your house.
This request, although typically offered for humor-purposes, is getting old.

24. THERE IS NO CABLE SWITCH. YOUR CABLE IS NOT TURNED ON WITH ANY TYPE OF SWITCH OR SIMILAR DEVICE. IN FACT: Less than 1% of my jobs are connected properly with good parts where I only have to connect it at the tap. We almost always have to tone outlets out, sometimes run new ones, scrub old ones, add equipment to your account, correct job codes, etc.

25. If we are not assigned your installation, we do NOT want to pick it up early. Unless the tech is VERY bored with no other work, he will probably not want to do it early, don’t ask.

And finally. If you feel like we did a good job AT LEAST let us know, and gratuity is nice too. You tip the Pizza man and wait staff at a restaurant right? Well they are just doing their job, and if they are nice and give you the service you want, you tip them. We work harder for our money, and we are way underpaid too, so don’t be shy!! We remember these things!

We don’t expect $50 or anything crazy like that, in fact we don’t expect anything, but if we have to spend 3 or 4 hours crawling your house to rewire it, and hang a new aerial drop just so you can have service. Come on. And be nice to the service/repair techs too!! They have WAY more experience and they have to work just as hard (or harder) to fix an issue the installer left behind.

Somehow, this guy makes Jim Carrey’s character look well-adjusted.

CUSTOMERS – WE F*CKING HATE YOU [Cable Rant Forums] (Thanks to Long Island Pc Tech!)
(Photo: Getty)

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.