Blowing $100,000 on a wedding is still in season, and there’s no better way to show up your over-spending friends than by throwing a lavish affair without bankrupting your parents. Inside, seven tips to have a lovely and affordable wedding.
1. Prioritize: Are flowers and a gown especially important? Spend your money there, and reign in other expenses.
2. Don’t be afraid to haggle. Mention that you’re willing to recommend your vendor’s services to all your friends and cousins and sisters who, oh my god, like, just got engaged! What a coincidence!
3. June wedding? Real original! Be flexible with your date. April and October are perfectly nice, and far less expensive. For an even better deal, get married in February.
4. Ok, fine, the February wedding may not be the hottest idea, but instead of getting married on Friday or Saturday, consider Thursday or Sunday.
5. Long engagements save money. You’ve got your whole lives ahead of you. Make your grandmother wait an extra few months and take advantage of seasonal sales that can halve the cost of pricey dresses.
6. Invitations are pretty and all, but people throw them away. Consider printing them yourselves or letting people RSVP online.
7. Understand the business. Flowers and cakes are expensive because they’re labor intensive. Simple but elegant cakes taste as good but cost far less. Similarly, exotic flowers are nice, but make the displays less time-intensive.
“All these things add up,” [Alicia Rockmore, CEO of Buttoned Up Inc] said. “I think it’s just remembering that at the end of the day, people are there to celebrate your wedding. They’re not there to see what $500 flower arrangements you have on every table. Just remember that people, your guests, are never going to notice the details that you do … Don’t get overwhelmed on every little, tiny thing that you need to spend money on. The most important thing is that they’re going to be there to support you.”
Bridezillas seriously scare us. Before you get carried away with wedding plans, sit down and read Rebecca Mead’s One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding. It’ll save your sanity, and the down payment on that house you’re going to want in a few years.
Getting Organized Cuts Wedding Bills [WDSU]
(Photo: Getty)
@Manok: That sounds so romantic. I want a simple wedding in a park or the beach and then a BBQ for the reception.
Since half of them are doomed to fail, and the rest are just miserable… save your dough.
@BalknChain: T-shirts??????
My wife and I managed to get married for under $1000, dress included. The only thing (IMHO) worth the money are the pictures. After all, it’s all you’ll have 20 years later, and if it ends in divorce, it’s the only thing to burn!
And a side note, a public park in Florida is free to get married in. My wife an I got married on Ft. DeSoto, which was #1 beach a few years ago, for FREE.
big wedding $ savers:
- buy your flowers in bulk from costco, they have amazing prices and beautiful flowers. i did this for my recent reception and had bouquets for 25 tables plus leftovers for decorations for $600
- costco also has invitations at a 25% discount online from most of the major stationery companies.
- buy vases and other decor from a craft store like michael’s. my vases were $3 a piece. the $1 stores (like dollar general) usually have sections for wedding favors. you can find some really unbelievable stuff there.
- check out the jcrew.com clearance section for wedding dresses. they have amazing gowns and constantly put their clearance items at an additional 20% discount. my wedding dress – $79
- see if your reception venue offers a “banquet keg” instead of beer by the bottle. it’s still going to cost you 2-3 times more than buying a keg on your own, but will be far cheaper than being charged by the bottle.
- i wouldn’t have my reception on a thursday, but i would recommend moving it to an “off” month. i eloped in november and then we had a reception for 250+ in january. it was great b/c the band, space, photographer and guests that i wanted to attend were all available and i got most of my services at a major discount – 50%+
- we eloped on the beach – cost? – $0. use natural areas as locations, they mean major savings.
- i hate cake, so does my husband, and when you see how much wedding cakes cost you may hate them too. instead of a cake we served a plated dessert; another option we considered was a chocolate dessert fountain. costs were 3-5x less than a traditional wedding cake and far more delicious!
as many have said, don’t skimp on the things that matter most to you. i spent more on my wedding photographer than anything else and i’ll never regret it.
Some of the ideas that other people have suggested are great.
I like the idea of only having your truly close family and friends at the ceremony. It just feels more intimate if the people who truly know you are present rather than the distant relatives whom you rarely see witness your special moment.
I’m not a huge fan of the large receptions with a full dinner. You can’t satisfy everyone’s dietary preferences. I would prefer to have a less formal reception with just cake and snacks. You also would save money on the catering bill that way too.
@BuddyGuyMontag: Not everyone is like you. Some people like a nice small wedding. On a Thursday night.
@ellastar, don’t confuse “big” and “expensive”. Yes, if you have a large and fancy wedding, you’ll spend more than if you had a backyard BBQ. But there are plenty of ways to have a more ‘traditional’ wedding without getting fleeced by the wedding industry, which will use “but EVERYBODY does it” and “you don’t want people to think you’re CHEAP….” to try to scare you into wasting money.
I can’t believe the original post on this – those ‘seven tips’ are fairly useless.
i think it’s amazing to see what some people say they spent on their wedding. it must be the area in which you live. I live in the NYC area and am currently planning my wedding. Venues are AT LEAST $100 per head. multiple that by 150+ people and it’s $15000-$30000 alone for the reception (depending on place). then you throw in flowers, rings, dress, tux, bridal gifts. the reception cost is going to be offset by monetary gifts at the wedding though but still.
$3000 just covers the wedding rings we are looking to get. We are going to save money by not getting as many flowers, making own invitations, no limo, and buying wedding dress on ebay (she said it will be good). we both definately want a live band though and from others who got married, they are telling me it’s going to run at least $3000-$7000.
i guess it’s just priorites but there would be no way i could get into a $3000-$8000 range unless i had it in someone’s backyard.
Here in the South, big, lavish weddings (and sweet 16 parties) are pretty much unheard of, unless the bride’s family is really rich. We don’t even have drinking and dancing, except maybe in Catholic weddings. Did I mention grooms get their own cake, too?
Re open bars, you might consider limiting your alcohol to just wine. It’s less expensive than hard liquor, more soigne (IMO), and (since it’s harder to get drunk on wine), your friends and loved ones are more likely to remain upright throughout the festivities. (Prosecco’s really nice, and cheaper than that other bubbly.)
(A lot of people think that the hallmark of a proper wedding is enabling your guests to get utterly, knee-walking, room-spinning hammered at your expense. Obviously, this isn’t a good idea if you’re trying to cut costs. Less obviously, it’s also insane if you have all the money in the world. Anyone who’s disappointed at your reception because they didn’t get as drunk as they’d hoped has a substance problem.)
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Jim (The Canuck One) – There’s no percentage for those reality programs to pick polite, reasonable people. Who’d watch? The future Mrs. Jim will be ‘way nicer to you than whatever you saw on “Rich Bride Poor Bride” because practically everyone in the universe is.
I have complete admiration for people who can pull off the small private ceremony. Unfortunately, for most people, unless your family is a bunch of raging alcoholic assholes, you have no choice but to include them in some way.
I don’t say this out of some misplaced notion of what makes for a “proper” wedding. It took me some time to figure this out, but you don’t invite people to your wedding for the gifts or out of a sense of propriety.
You do it because your marriage is a significant part of your life and the people around you want to bear witness to it. It is a kindness and a mitzvah to let your community support you as you and your partner embark on a life together.
I did not know this when I got married, btw. Like everyone else here, every single thing about our wedding became a stand in for who we were and the lives we wanted to live. Some people think a $30 Ebay dress defines them as rationalists; some people think $10,000 bar bills define them as generous hosts. In truth, you are who you are, and your families know and love you for that. No dress, no passed trays of sushi can change that. But then, that’s not such bad news, is it?
@ellastar: Thanks for illustrating my point!
We spent the wedding money on Land. Neither one of us is much concerned with flashy, passing moments like an expensive wedding. 30 years later, and we’re still making good decisions. But hey … that’s what makes our society great. You wanna do the Big Wedding? Have at it. Simple turns your crank? Have at it. There’s enough seats in this theatre of life for everybody.
Without bankrupting your parents? It’s 2008 people, if you can’t bankroll your own wedding you have no business being married.
Here’s one: Get Married on September 11th! Nobody wants to, and prtactically any venue is dirt cheap. A freind of mine of the Ritz Carton to himself.
Woah, what’s up with all the wedding nay-sayers?
I had a nice wedding, cost about $1,500. I didnt’t really want a big wedding, but in my family that’s not acceptable, so my mother paid for it and I just went along with it.
I think the biggest expense (besides the food/hall which was the event room of a family Italian restruant and very nice) was asuit for my husband because he didnt own one, but it was something he is going to use often in life.
@azgirl: Since half of them are doomed to fail, and the rest are just miserable… save your dough.
Wow, you’re even more cynical than I am.
I always said if in the weird chance I get married (which is kind of hard since I’m not looking) I just can’t see spending all this money to show off. In the long run, no one cares and you all die alone.
I’m not for eloping, though. My sister did that and broke my mom’s heart. She also married an asshole that none of us talk to so that didn’t help matters.
Oh and another thing, I’m not wearing a wedding ring so money saved there.
If/when I get married, my most important expense will be food and booze. I’d probably also splurge for transportation between the hotel that visiting people would be staying at and the reception – that way we can all drink without having to worry about driving.
@thesuperpet: Marrying without a big wedding is unacceptable in my family too. You would be gossiped about until you’re old and grey.
We did a very affordable but grand to-do in Vegas. It had all the things my cousins’ NY weddings had, except it was in the desert and cost about 80% less.
April is pushing it for the midwest. April here in Michigan is pretty unpredictable… it can be lovely or bitter cold… or even snowy.
I definitely do not want a huge expensive wedding. There are SO many other things that the money would be better spent on.
i love how people say “I didn’t hear anyone complain”
People will only complain behind your back. I mean who will go to a bride or groom and say “Sorry but your wedding sucks/is boring etc.
we spent under $5000. =)
our priority was the reception – good food, open bar, everyone having a good time. everything else was incidental – we just wanted to celebrate with friends and family.
dress: $200 – david’s bridal, in the prom section. much cheaper than the other side of the store.
shoes: clearance. =)
hair/nails/makeup/etc: $0. did it myself.
flowers: the flower girl and i sat around one weekend and made bouquets with silk flowers and ribbon. fun, and cheap.
music: we made a cd of our favorite songs and played it at the reception.
photography: left disposable cameras on every table, and several relatives took pics and sent them to us. we got some of the greatest shots!
ceremony: outdoors, in a small park (free) with a civil celebrant (cheap).
bridesmaids dresses: we let them pick. they looked awesome!
groomsmen: we let them pick. bought them matching ties.
everything else spent was the $3000+ on the reception. worth every penny to be drinking, dancing, eating, and having fun with those we cared about most.
the best part? we’re just as married as people who spend tens of thousands, and we’re less broke because of it. =)
My finacee and I are more concerned with the marriage than the wedding. And, frankly, a solid marriage is built on low/no debt and a (fairly) inexpensive roof over your head. So, needless to say, we’re in the “Save it for the down payment” camp.
Someone above said, “the more expensive the wedding, the more unhappy the marriage.” Some part of me is inclined to believe that. I mean, if you’re such the narcissist that what others think about you matters that deeply, if status is that crucial, then it seems unlikely you’ll have the spirit of compromise necessary to make a marriage work.
Not to mention it’s hard to avoid acrimony with spiraling inflation, expensive fuel, and 50 – 100,000+ in consumer debt.
The price of the wedding and reception are determined by where the event will be held. Not just the actual venue, but also the city and state. (…unless you’re okay with going to a courthouse for the quick and super inexpensive way – there’s no major price difference with that regardless of your location.)
The fiance and I are planning our wedding and it’s terribly expensive in NYC. After finding out that the average Manhattan reception price is $125 per person (this is just for the basic menu – want fancy? that will cost you a lot more). The least expensive venue (venue not scummy…in a SAFE neighborhood), offering a complete package ended up being a nice place in Queens – only $75 per person.
We’re DIY the flowers and a whole bunch of other things… not blowing tons of cash on over priced dresses, etc… and it still adds up.
The only thing that we aren’t trying to cut costs on are the photographer. When everything is done, it’s the photos that last the longest.
“people throw them away”
Do not! I save them all! And I have a big box of my great-aunt’s from old family weddings and I love looking through them.
We rented a trolley for something like half the cost of the limo to ferry guests from the hotel to the church and back to the reception (which was next to the hotel). Everyone loved it, it was neat and old-fashioned and party central. (Poor wedding party had to go separately, sob.) (Single site was impractical as it was a Mass.)
We actually skipped the flowers for the most part — I’m terribly allergic; we bought two arrangements for the church (the “cost” of using the church is donating them their flowers for the week) and a few bouquets, but on the tables we had arrangements of tapers in many different heights, which was atmospheric and *cheap*.
When I worked at the newspaper in college, a lot of people would hire our staff photographers for a couple hundred bucks to come shoot their weddings. There are often very talented photographers at college papers (or in college art departments) who are willing to do the work very cheap, and give you all the negatives. Of course it depends on how important photos are to you, what they cost in your area, and how good a look you can get at the student’s portfolio. We had photo guys who’d done half a dozen weddings by senior year and charged $200 bucks + food & film, and did a really nice job; going rate for pros was around $3000 (+ food).
@CPC24: LOL. I got married in North Carolina, big Catholic Mass in the cathedral, and all my Baptist guests were like, “Wait, there’s going to be alcohol? SWEET!” (And then they were like, “Wait, the service is going to last an HOUR? There had better be a LOT of alcohol!”)
I second the One Perfect Day recommendation. Really thought-provoking book. And I got it in the bargain bin, which saved me money, money I can use on that wedding I’m not having anytime soon, since I live with a cat and no one else.
@Eyebrows McGee: As least you didn’t have to sit them down to feed them (probably). Sit down weddings in the South are very rare (my sister-in-law has been to -1- in probably 200 weddings).
@RandomHookup: We had the whole shebang, sit-down and all. My mom’s from a Boston Brahmin-style Catholic family, so there was never any question that it would be a) in a church, b) sit-down with open bar, and c) paid for by my parents. Because she feels there is a RIGHT WAY to do things.
It wasn’t necessarily how I would have done it, but I had a great time and got the parts that were important to me (I planned the ceremony; my mom didn’t care as long as it was in a Catholic church), and got to have all my family around me. And my mom has great taste so it was a beautiful reception. Plus I had like zero stress until the couple weeks before because I did so little of the planning.
Most of my local friends had a really good time, too, since they’d never been to a giant Irish-Catholic wedding before. It was like going to the circus for them. Or maybe the zoo.
The rehearsal dinner, which we threw, was more our speed (and price range) — we had it at an Irish bar in downtown Raleigh and hired an Irish band and Irish step dancers (I was step dancing at the time). There were 80 people at the rehearsal dinner, so we had to do it on the reasonably cheap.
*pokes the comment system*
Using small white daisies are nearly half the price of choosing roses, lillies, gerber daisies, etc. Also, we probably saved at least $1000-1500 by hiring the caterer for their ‘quality picnic buffet’ option (designed for company picnics and family reunions) instead of going the full service gourmet entree route.
But, I think the best advice is to only spend the money on what you personally feel is important to you to make your day fun & special…and then really skimp on what you don’t care about. (ie. we didn’t bother with a limo, but we did spring for the local celtic band)
@cronomorph: don’t pin the blame on women…it seems dudes actually prefer bridezillas over those of us who would rather do it at City Hall then throw a loft party for the friends! Are you sure you can’t at least talk her out of Disneyesque ceremony in lieu of Tuscany? Sheee-it.
Anyway, if I was throwing a party to accompany the act of signing papers, my priorities would be:
1. Travel and hotel for parents to my location, unless I celebrated with them separately.
2. DJ/Booze are equal and important priorities. Luckily I have many friends who are amazing DJs.
3. A great loft space
The best wedding reception I ever attended hands down was in a creaky loft in a sketchy area of town. I have pretty much forgotten every traditional ceremony and reception (with the exception of my ex’s sister, in which I supplied her with Xanax immediately before she walked down the aisle).
The biggest wedding money pit I’ve noticed is the gown; brides think they are obligated to go to a bridal shop and pay literally thousands. Once you are looking at dresses that are specifically “bridal” you are automatically getting charged much, much more.
My wife and I hosted a rather large wedding (300 people) and reception for much less than 5000 dollars. W paid for nearly everything ourselves. Here are a few ways we save the pennies.
1.) Photos – Our photographer is a photography professor at the college we both graduated from. He gave us half off his normal rate as an alumni discount. $700 total, nearest price we found to his offer was $1600
2.) Flowers – We were engaged in the summer had our wedding in January. My wife bought off season silk flowers for dirt cheap and she and her girls did the arrangements. $100 for all the flowers.
3.) Food – My mother-in-law’s social club (Red Hat Ladies) cooked and served the food for us, we just bought the groceries. $300
4.) Tuxes – We found a small, privately-owned wedding shop to rent tuxes from. The cost was around half of Seno and Men’s warehouse for the same style and my tux (the groom’s) was free. $60 per guy.
5.) Decorations – Being recent college graduates, several of my wifes friends had been recently married and had a glut of otherwise useless wedding decorations (pew bows, tulle fabric, various other white/shiny things) just gathering dust. All of the black and white decorations we used were second-hand. We simply modified them to add our chosen colors to them. We have also passed these on to some friends of ours to use at their wedding.
6.) Invitations, progrmams, other printables – I printed the invitations myself for about 25 cents each. I found some very nice cardstock invitations with silver embossed borders, complete with envelopes, for dirt cheap at a closeout store at less than half of even Walmart’s prices. I spent less than $75 on all the printables for the wedding.
I know it is a lot of work, but a very nice wedding can be had for not a lot of money. I hope this helps somebody.
I forgot to say, we got married a year and a half ago.
@rockergal, so what? Screw those people. Small-minded assholes who want to find something to pick at ALWAYS will – no wedding is perfect, or to everyone’s taste. People who want to bitch about the cost or how it ‘sucked’ are the same people who will gloat when the couple gets divorced. Who cares what they think? Be happy you only have to see them once.
When we had our wedding eons ago. I think it came down to around $7K. It was overseas since most of my wife’s and my immediate family live overseas. Even flying out some of my family members out, the actual wedding minus airfare was no more than $3K and we still enjoyed ourselves. We decided to save as much as possible on a down payment for a nice house we would enjoy our whole lives rather than throwing it away at a wedding and a honeymoon for a day. I am still dumbfounded by people spending even $20K on a wedding.
Eons ago I got married at City Hall. $40
We lasted ten years; now, still friends decades later.
- I was also a wedding photographer for a while: The covert nastiness between the erstwhile bride and groom that I occasionally witnessed was uneasy-making…I mean, I have an intimate lens on these people and I wanted to say “QUIT THIS FACADE; THIS ISN’T STRESS TALKING, YOU REALLY DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER!”
Feh
Just got married (last November) and the biggest money saver for us was using Safeway for the flowers. For a wedding party of 12 (large families on both sides) we spent just under 200 for all of the flowers and they looked great.
Also we found a great reception site that included a top shelf open bar, a crabcake (we are Marylanders)and sirloin buffet and our cake for under 5k.
When all was said and done, we spent just under 8k and it went great.
My wedding cost $5000, including a designer dress and fancy photographer. Two secrets:
1. Bridesmades dresses are the same style as bridal gowns, but 1/10th the price. Buy one in white.
2. Elope to Vegas in said dress. Have fun. Let Elvis officiate.
Here’s what we’re doing to reign in the expenses for our August wedding.
1. Most of the money is being spent on the reception. A nice buffet and open bar is what are really important to us. The ceremony itself is being held in the reception hall – a short one performed by a friend of ours.
2. Another friend who takes pictures professionally is taking our pictures as our wedding gift.
3. I’m renting my dress. Instead of paying $500 for a cheap carbon copy gown from David’s, which then I’ll have to worry about preserving and storing, I’m spending the same amount for a ridiculously lavish, original gown I can hand back and not worry about.
4. Silk flowers – bouquets, etc. are silk flowers I bought from the craft store and assembled myself. They’re gorgeous, and they’ll be keepsakes for a lot longer than fresh.
5. I’m also making the garter, the cake topper (sculpey clay), and my wedding purse. Being crafty rules, and all of these things then carry much more meaning.
6. Another crafty friend is making my jewelry.
7. Vegas, baby, Vegas. We’re holding the wedding off-strip (they have a regular shuttle to the strip). Then we don’t have to worry about our guests – the fine folks in Vegas can attend to their every whim.
8. Wedding party is wearing whatever they like – everyone is wearing nice stuff they can wear again, or that they already own.
By having a wedding in an off-season, be prepared to pay more for flowers. Most places don’t give discounts except in the dead of winter months. A site listing June as so expensive and popular but not mentioning the popularity of September really doesn’t lend much to credibility. And most cake places are starting to charge more on a per person price with fancy adornments not really adding on much. Buy a small decorative cake and have a few sheet cakes in the back for a real discount.
Weddings themselves are such a waste anyway. For us, it was put $10K down on a house or have a one day party filled with stress. I really wish I had pushed harder for it to be the former.
We got our 120 person wedding done for 3500 dollars, with a bit of luck and good planning.
1) Go venue shopping! The church I attend wanted to charge me thousands… go figure. Ditto with past churches. Instead I found a medium sized beautiful church for 450 dollars. We used it for wedding and reception, and it worked out awesome.
Churches and venues have HUGE discrepancies in price. The venues especially will enforce their catering only, which is ridiculously expensive.
2) Shop for catering. We went with Johnny Carinos italian which was friggin awesome. It was about 1500 for 125 people for 2 entrees and bread, tea, salad, etc with full service and cleanup. DO NOT USE CATERING COMPANIES…they are way overpriced.
Check local resteraunts that you like, such as souper salad, or whatever. Many of them will have special catering people, and your prices are much lower.
3) Consider doing your own flowers. My wife got plastic sunflowers, and they were gorgeous with foil strips in glass vases for coloring. They were dirt cheap on sale. Flowers are stupidly expensive, so limit those to bouquets.
4) Dont go crazy on a dress. My wife got hers free from her cousin (extremely lucky), but she was looking at 300-500 dollar ones. Remember… YOU WILL NEVER USE IT AGAIN. There really isnt THAT much difference between the 500 dollar one and the 2500 dollar one…not for 3 hours of wearing.
5) DONT DO OUTDOOR weddings if you live in a hot area. It sounds great doing a botannical garden wedding, or in a park gazebo…but they just plain suck due to heat.
6) Men… wear a suit. Everyone will have a black suit. Nobody has a tux. Save a collective 500-1000 dollars. Consider buying your groomsmen the same color tie…works as a gift and fits the wedding colors, and gives it a more uniform look.
7) Do your own music. We made a wedding CD and a reception CD. Our family friend did the music. It was easy.. it just takes a tiny bit of practice to prepare and get the timing right. Do you REALLY need a fancy DJ to play songs one after another at a reception??
8) Combat the Bridezilla and Wedding Feature Creep with the following:
Imagine that every dollar you save on the wedding will go towards your honeymoon, or towards your new house, or some other favorable goal. Spending excessive money on weddings is just stupid.
Many parents will give you a set amount. Or you can ask for it. In other words, instead of sticking them with a 50k wedding, discuss a set wedding gift that the couple can use for the wedding and any leftover can go towards a honeymoon, or house, or paying off debt or whatever.
This helps eliminate the idea of “Its our special day… we are worth it!” and the feeling that “its not OUR money.. its our parents!”.
Good luck!
One more thing…
DO NOT do a thursday/sunday wedding!!! Do it Saturday.
Seriously, HOW exactly does this save money? The venue is a bit cheaper, but thats about it. If you save THAT much money on the day difference, then you are spending too much money on the venue itself!
Remember, you have to have a rehearsal dinner the night before, (friday). Even a friday wedding could mean people have to arrive Thursday for the dinner if coming from out of town.
Also, people have to fly back to whereever they came from. Having to do so Sunday Night, then go to work Monday is a loser.
Be considerate to the people you are inviting and stick to the Saturday wedding, unless you don’t have hardly anyone coming from out of town.
Great tips, I know so many brides who are on a budget this year. My bff though just actually broke up her with her fiance and decided to sell it to this site [www.idonowidont.com] which has a clever name. She felt it was the best way to have closure and she avoided most likely a very expensive overblown wedding but made some money in the end!