Kraft Invents The Twinkie Of Bagels: "Bagelfuls"

Ever toast, spread cream cheese on, and eat a bagel, and be like, damn, this is taking too long? Kraft’s Bagelfuls, essentially, a bagel Twinkie, are for you. A “Bagelful” is a frozen bagel tube with cream cheese inside. They’re kept in the refrigerator and then toasted, microwaved, or even eaten straight from the box. If you’ve given up on life, be sure to try one of these delicious “Baglefuls.”

Kraft’s $100 Million Idea: Cream Cheese-Filled Bagels [Brandweek]

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  1. billbillbillbill says:

    mmmm, my arteries are already clogging just thinking of these bagel twinkies!

  2. yuck

  3. mgy says:

    I had this idea back when I was 10 for an invention unit. It wasn’t a good idea then and it isn’t a good idea now.

    Reminds me of those “uncrustables” sandwiches. Like those, this is just a reason to make the last remaining bastions of cheap eats more “convenient” and thus more expensive.

  4. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    @billbillbillbill: It doesn’t sound too unhealthy considering it’s got cream cheese inside it: “Each has approximately 200 calories, six grams of fat, around 220 mg of sodium and no trans fat.”

    While a clever idea, I can’t see frozen bagles ever being tastier than fresh ones. Ever. But the last paragraph in the linked story pretty much confirms that notion.

  5. Eh- this could be useful if they made them in whole wheat and low fat cream cheese. But I’d miss that crunch, and the nasty attitude of the owner of my local bagel shop.

  6. Katharine says:

    They look gross but they would be good for commuters on the train or something.

  7. ghank says:

    Bah, where’s the bacon?

  8. EBounding says:

    “Ever toast, spread cream cheese on, and eat a bagel and be like, damn, this is taking too long? “

    YES! Just this morning! :P

    I would never buy this though.

  9. lesspopmorefizz says:

    Interesting…except that I find frozen bagels to be gross in the first place. Plus, when you freeze dairy products, the texture is just NOT the same. Ever eat frozen cheese? Yuck. I kind feel that if your friendly local bagel shop wraps the bagel correctly in some sort of wax paper product (or if you do), it IS possible to eat a bagel on the run. They’re not THAT messy.

  10. fordpickup says:

    That picture isn’t really makin’ the sale for me. It looks like a corndog gone horribly wrong.

  11. mariospants says:

    I’ve never really been a fan of American-style bagels. Once you’ve hit real, decent fresh-off-the-wood-fire bagels (Kettleman’s, Ottawa Bagel Shop, any decent bagel shop in Toronto or Montreal, one I found in New Jersey…) you’ll never eat the crap they sell in grocery stores.

  12. @lesspopmorefizz: Frozen bagels are an abomination… but not as much as this.

  13. SnotFare says:

    blech!

  14. B says:

    Call me when somebody crams a sausage in one. And covers it with chocolate chips.

  15. IndyJaws says:

    @B: and deep fries it

  16. BloggyMcBlogBlog says:

    Only 2.5 Oz and roughly 60 cents each. That’s a pretty high price for something like this.

  17. seraphicstar says:

    those have been around for a few years now in the form of
    baglers [www.bagelers.com]

  18. timmus says:

    A true All-American Bagel would encase a breakfast burrito inside, which itself contains a nasty cylindrical sausage. It would come with a dipping tray of syrup, along with a glass of Sunny Delight (or other similar fraudulently healthy hydrogenated corn syrup drink).

  19. harumph says:

    i think i speak for everyone here when i say if anyone is going to make bagels and make bagels right its kraft.

  20. ChuckECheese says:

    @seraphicstar: My that’s an annoying Flash website. Turns out you can’t patent goo-filled bagel boluses.

  21. rpm773 says:

    I imagine stores will use this product fill that large, empty section of freezer space that they all currently have.

    Just like Doritos 3D do a good job making those empty shelves look full.

    /Do we really need such a product?

  22. quirkyrachel says:

    Ewwwww.

  23. scarletvirtue says:

    There really are no words to describe that – except maybe “dreck”?

    It looks (and sounds) horrendous. I’ll stick with fresh bagels from the shop near my office – especially since they do it the “right” way (boil, then bake).

  24. mduser says:

    Let’s see, these will probably retail for around $3-4, I can buy 1 dozen fresh-baked bagels from Costco for $4.50 and another $1.50 for cream cheese at the grocery store.

    Unit Price:

    BagelFuls: $0.75-$1.00

    Fresh Bagel with Cream Cheese: ~$0.50 – $0.56

  25. Youthier says:

    I’m more offended by those new muffin tops Eggo waffle things. I mean, at least frozen bagels have precedent. Have you ever eaten a toaster muffin?

  26. dweebster says:

    Does their target market even have the time and energy to open the box?

    At what point is there a revolt and this constant stream of crappy “innovative” shit food streaming out from the conglomerates gets tossed out of the grocery stores and more and more basic food gets shipped in?

    “ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR IDEA?” If that’s how well further fucking up the food supply is paying then we need to have a serious discussion about our priorities as a society.

    BagelDogs weren’t half bad, as long as you could forgive the lousy bagels and the sub-par hotdogs. What assclown genius got a chunk of $100 million dollars to substitute cream cheese for a hot dog?

  27. ninabi says:

    Bagelfuls are real bagels like blowup dolls are real partners in a meaningful relationship.

    I’ll waste my carb/fat calories on actual, boiled, fresh NY bagels.

  28. Ex_EA_Slave says:

    These aren’t too bad. But definitely don’t use the microwave to heat them up. They are great for my morning commute.

  29. scoopy says:

    @mgy: Because of this comment, I know you have never had an Uncrustables sandwich. I too was once someone who thought “How lame, what kind of a lazy person needs a premade pb&j?”

    Just try one…

  30. dweebster says:

    @scarletvirtue: “real” bagels are a completely different food that the “woody dough” they seem to offer in your grocer’s frozen food case. It wouldn’t be so obnoxious if they called this garbage something else, but when they call it a “bagel” then they deride an otherwise decent food.

    I’m pretty sure that Kraft would lawyer up if I started selling shrink-wrapped packages of monkey poop labelled as “Kraft cheese.” And yet, because the word “bagel” is apparently not a trademark, Kraft can apparently sell something that barely isn’t anywhere near an honest bagel as such. Just sick.

  31. mgy says:

    @eslaydog: I certainly haven’t, but whenever I express my distaste for crustless frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, SOMEONE always pipes in with how delicious they are.

    I’m trying to resist, damnit! My principles are at stake.

  32. nybiker says:

    @dweebster:

    The same lack-of-a-trademark problem exists for provolone cheese. Provolone cheese is NOT a slicing cheese for sandwiches. But delis get to say they have provolone for your sandwiches but that white roll isn’t it.

    Anyway, I have enough real bagel stores here in NYC so I don’t have to buy kraft’s idea of a bagel with a schmear.

  33. humorbot says:

    My how far we have come. Bagels used to be “ethnic” food in this fine country.

  34. Angryrider says:

    I hope the Daily Show will pick up on this!
    First there were Jimmy Dean’s Sausage in a Pancake Casing, now this!
    Fan frickin’ tastic!

  35. KarmaChameleon says:

    @Youthier: Man, companies should never get product ideas from Seinfeld episodes.

  36. Shutaro says:

    @IndyJaws: And wraps it with bacon.

  37. smwalker81 says:

    Am I the only one that read the opening line for this article and questioned whether Mitch Hedberg had returned and was writing for consumerist?

  38. Dirk says:

    Somewhere, someone is getting paid to come with these craptacular ideas. America is an amazing place….

  39. mad_hatter_md01 says:

    These have actually been out for a long time. If any school parent knows, the food orders you can by from a ordering company called Market Day. They had these bagels there in their program. They had the cinnimon ones which i thought were the most amazing things in the world. I could almost eat a whole box of them.

  40. Doctor Cathattan says:

    Man you people are a bunch of whiners! You call yourselves consumers??

    I’m gonna hold off judgement before actually trying one. Sounds like a cool idea to me.

  41. marsneedsrabbits says:

    Some days, I see gorgeous artisan breads and am sincerely sorry I can’t eat wheat gluten and enjoy wonderful breads.

    Some days, I see stuff like this and… not so much.

  42. crapple says:

    To borrow a quote from Water Boy and paraphrase it for myself:

    Cream cheese is the devil!

    That stuff tears up my digestive tract. That said, frozen bagels are bad enough, but now that Kraft makes them, I’m sure they’re even worse. Who wants to bet it’s just their frozen pretzel dough without some brown dye?

  43. mcjake says:

    “It’s squaggles! Don’t be oppressed by the tyranny of round!”

  44. ElizabethD says:

    The end of the world is nigh.

  45. uberbucket says:

    I’ll stick with the deep-fried Twinkies.

  46. overbysara says:

    :O

    groosssssss

  47. Pasketti says:

    I wonder if you could get one of those Twinkie kits and make these yourself.

  48. morganlh85 says:

    Gross, but not as immoral as Uncrustables, the frozen PB&J sandwiches with the crusts already cut off. What is becoming of this world!?!?

  49. j3nr1c0 says:

    Mcjake – you read my mind

  50. Hanke says:

    I swear I have seen these before…Bageldogs were a hot dog wrapped in bagel crust.

    But nothing beats a made-in-new-york bagel. I’ve had to bring them with me to relatives in Atlanta.

  51. @Shutaro: Oooo…. maybe with some coke syrup on it

  52. newspapersaredead says:

    And people wonder why our emergency rooms are overflowing and health insurance costs are rising. I can see people eating these by the boxful. Disgusting.

  53. pleeker says:

    I don’t know about the product, but I love the opening sentence, Ben. Perfect!

  54. lostalaska says:

    Wow, i bet they taste just as great as any other frozen instant food.

    Hmmm Fresh bagles with cream cheese or overpriced frozen turds… Oh, Kraft why do you make these choices so hard.

  55. Android8675 says:

    @mgy: Haha, uncrustables rock, my sister used to toss em into her daughters lunch boxes frozen, they’d be nicely thawed by lunch and they keep the rest of the lunch box nice and cool.

    I’ve tried, them, they taste fine. Sure processed is worse than everything, but sometimes the convience factor far out weighs other factors. Problem with the bagels, is my niceces don’t like bagels and cream cheese.

  56. Tank says:

    @B: and dips it in gravy

  57. zentex says:

    this is a good idea…ON PAPER.

    my wife took one bite and spit it out. I didn’t care about the taste and mulled thru the rest…but then again I’ll eat MRE’s and smile about it. But I won’t eat one again.

    cream cheese is best cold…I don’t know if it’s the fakeness of the filling or what…but it’s pretty nasty and oozes out the other end with each bite.

  58. GF_AdventureGrl says:

    my cousins used to eat these horrible breakfast corndog-esque things. they were a pancake wrapped around sausage on a stick that came with a package of syrup. i was happy with kix.

  59. UNDERSTAR says:

    I had these a couple weeks back. My only problem I have with these “bagels” is that there isnt enough cream cheese inside them. Sorry for my rant, Im a fat fuck.

  60. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    Feh….useless. Call me back when they add chocolate and bacon.

  61. Scrugger says:

    What?!? NYC bagels? Jersey bagels? Canadian bagels? Crap, all of them. You don’t know great bagels until you sow the wheat, milk the cows, and make that damn bagel and cream cheese yourself. And if I don’t have enough time for all that, I just board a plane and go to France because that’s the only place you can get real bread.

    I’m obviously going to reveal myself as well beneath the foodie status of most the posters on this board but the cinnamon ones are pretty good. They’re like $1.50 for four and I can throw the box in fridge at work so I can grab something to eat in between going to the gym and work.

  62. camille_javal says:

    @mgy: Try an Uncrustables if you have no other option – I had one when my fiancé and I were on a long IKEA trip and had a blood sugar crash in the middle of it – I didn’t want the swedish meatballs or any of the other hot food, but they had those things, and, pretty good. That said, I still buy my own bread, peanut butter, and preserves. And I’m not going *near* the grilled cheese variety.

    @zentex: On MREs – I like the Wheat Bead Snack, personally.

    These things look terrible – and there’s something about frozen cream cheese in a frozen white bagel that makes me think of the thing about mayonnaise in “Undercover Brother.”

    And, I posted about these on my blog the other week, insisting that they were another sign of the downfall of America. Seriously, were there people crying out for frozen bagel cheese tubes, and pretzel/cracker hybrids? Did I miss this?

  63. humphrmi says:

    @Pasketti: I think if you’re committed to making it yourself, you could just spread cream cheese on a bagel and be done with it.

    I’m with the others on this: stuff a sausage in it, wrap it in bacon, sprinkle it with chocolate chips and give me something to dip it in (syrup, gravy, whatever…) and there you have a real nice breakfast-on-the-go.

  64. Moosehawk says:

    I don’t know what you guys are talking about

    This looks fucking delicious

  65. unholycinna says:

    These are totally brilliant! My husband and son love them as much as I do. Pop them in the microwave for ten seconds and you are set for brekkie. They actually taste really yummy! And, no, I don’t work for Kraft.

  66. Ack, as if I’m not fat enough as it is. What’s next? An egg macmuffin with syrup baked into the bread? Oh wait a minute….

  67. yesteryear says:

    now i understand what it must have been like when pizza rolls were invented. looks like someone’s going to have to invent one of these: [www.asseenontv.com] for the newly formed pre-fab bagel & cream cheese market. if you visit that site i highly recommend taking a look at the Batter Pro. “Batter Pro: The Revolutionary Way To Batter All Of Your Food In Under 10 Seconds.” SOLD!

  68. DXDawg says:

    @Scrugger:

    You win this thread.

  69. bnorton says:

    @yesteryear Yes, but does the site sell the cornballer [www.cornballer.com]